How much to spend on Christmas Presents?

goggle

I am so glad that I don't live in a family that does everything to the penny!
Neither my brother nor I feel "deprived" yet I know that some years I get more for Christmas than he does, other years he gets more - we are both adults, we earn our own money, presents are just that - PRESENTS - they are appreciated but not expected!
Seriously, I wouldn't have a problem if I ended up with a pair of slippers & a jigsaw whilst he got a new TV if that's what was most suitable for the circumstances that year!

enthusiasticsaver

Happytravelling wrote: »

I don't have any children, but my mum and dad used to be the same, giving us both exactly the same. It came to a head when my mum walked round to my house with £1.60 as she had bought my sister a bucket and didn't want me to think she loved her more!!

At the moment, my sister (aged 23) gets more spent on her because she needs more and has a young daughter, so less money, whereas I (too near to 30 ) can treat myself more often and would rather not have stuff for the sake of it, only to have to find somewhere for it to live in the house until I've had it long enough not to feel so guilty when I give it to a charity shop.

Arguably, your married daughter receives more as you also spend on a gift for her husband, there's also more likelihood of her having children sooner that you might want to spoil to. And if she's older, she'll have had more years of presents before your other daughter came along. Plus, there might be a time when your married daughter needs more financial help.

It sounds like this could have happened in previous years, its just that this time you know about it because you've kept track.

If you were my mum I'd tell you to stop worrying about nothing and spend your money on yourself for once.

For your husband, is there a nice bottle of wine he'd like but wouldn't buy, or could you buy a cinema gift card or restaurant gift voucher for the 2 of you to enjoy in January when all the excitement of Christmas is over?

I think you are right and as mums we tend to equate giving gifts or money to children to love, even though my daughters are now grown up. Of course I do not love one more than the other it is just their circumstances which are different and your ideas are good. For my husband, as all our money is joint money I think this is why I shouldn't buy him something just for the sake of it but it is a good idea of yours for us to perhaps go out and treat ourselves on a cinema or restaurant meal out in January. Also as you say we do spend on our son in law so if we were to add the two together that comes to more than we have spent on our eldest daughter. I like your story about your mum coming round with £1.60 to balance the amount between you and your sister. :rotfl:


To Moneymaker

I would not agree that my youngest daughter(married) is "more successful" and we are penalising her by spending slightly less on her, certainly not deliberately. It is simply that they live in the same town as us and have more support from each other and from us due to geography. For instance we often take our daughter and son in law out for meals during the year but it is not that easy to do with our other daughter as she lives a lot further away. Our eldest daughter who is unmarried in fact has a higher paid job than our youngest but lives alone and 200 miles away from us so has less family support. I do not think of either of them being more or less successful than each other whether due to jobs, pay or marital status - in that way madness lies. So long as they are both happy.


The more I am typing this post in it is crystallising that I should "get over myself" and get on with sorting out the Christmas decorations. :rotfl: Thanks everyone for their input.

Grouchy

I have a fairly big family here in the UK and various countries abroad.

About 15 years ago we all agreed that the whole consumerism aspect had gotten out of hand (together with postage abroad costs) and the stress and time involved was getting silly and agreed on a budget that could buy each person something like - a novel, a CD, a voucher, a novelty item like bookmarks, wooden spoons, or something home made or amusing etc. Think we started off with 5-10 pounds.

So this year it's actually around £10-15 each person (that includes kids). And I do the same for friends. I might spend a little more if I know it is something they would really like, but not much. My OH is an exception but often the amount is still moderate. This way nobody feels hard done by or that they are spending money they don't have or are being mean or something - in my family at least we all pretty much have everything we need.

The family motto is that Christmas is about family and friends not about money and presents and this way of doing things has nothing to do with how well off you are (or not) and it takes all the unnecessary stress out of things. We focus on people and always there are lots of phone calls during the holidays all over the globe as well.

I'm so glad we did this as it's so much simpler and enjoyable (I'm not a real christmas fan anyway!). (I remember well the horrible costs and stress it caused everyone before we started this).

enthusiasticsaver

Grouchy wrote: »

I have a fairly big family here in the UK and various countries abroad.


The family motto is that Christmas is about family and friends not about money and presents and this way of doing things has nothing to do with how well off you are (or not) and it takes all the unnecessary stress out of things. We focus on people and always there are lots of phone calls during the holidays all over the globe as well.

I'm so glad we did this as it's so much simpler and enjoyable (I'm not a real christmas fan anyway!). (I remember well the horrible costs and stress it caused everyone before we started this).

That is a lovely philosophy and it probably does take a great deal of stress out of present buying.


My mum (now 80) is much wealthier than us and is so generous but we have given up trying to match what she spends and she is always very appreciative. We are comfortably off, certainly more than our 20 something daughters so I suppose we look on Christmas and birthdays as a way of getting them something that they wouldn't get for themselves as they don't have much spare money having both just taken out mortgages this year and setting up their homes. Once grandchildren come along I guess we will rejig everything again. We always do get together as a family over Christmas and considering we are all living in different parts of the UK that is the most important thing.

Buzzybee90

tgroom57 wrote: »

How can that be? The married daughter receives presents from her husbands family too. That's hardly 'being penalised'.

@OP I don't know if I worry about it as much, but I've had a yearly spreadsheet for each of the past 6 years. Very useful to record ideas for stockings.

Sounds like you're aiming for equal happiness, whereas you've been comparing size and cost.

I've been told that I'm useless at buying presents (by a picky daughter with more money than sense, sometimes) so now I just wait until we're out together and she says what she wants, and if I can, I do. Don't feel that I'm a meany: she won't be short of gifts at Christmas. My contribution would be a drop in the ocean and probably unwanted.

Why do you say that? Did I miss that?

I think everyone should receive the same.

betterlife

It seems to me that for most christmas is far too much about material things and the cost, i mean honestly do some of you adults hear yourselves?? worrying about having the same spent on you or not or whether its fair? im 36, married and have 4 children, there is nothing i personally want for christmas from my husband or our parents, me and my husband do not buy gifts for each other, because for us, christmas is about our children and spending time together. my birthday is just before christmas, and i ask for nothing (even from my husband) id rather homemade cards from the children, thats it. if other family members give me money, its an extra present bought for the children.
im self employed and moneys tight, but i am trying to make december as fun as possible for us all, with new traditions, family walks, movie nights (at home) craft afternoons, school pantos, carol singing. christmas for me is about my family, being thankful for the things i have got, not the material things i have`nt got.

catkins

Me and OH only buy for my family - brother and wife, sister and husband, nieces and nephews and we try and spend exactly the same on them all. It might vary by a pound but not really any more.


When me and my siblings were young our parents would make sure they spent exactly the same on us - I think they still do. OH's parents on the other hand would always spend far far more on his sister (they only ever wanted a girl). One year she got a stereo system and he got a jumper!

Hoipolloi

betterlife wrote: »

It seems to me that for most christmas is far too much about material things and the cost, i mean honestly do some of you adults hear yourselves?.

(My bold)

You may be correct in your assertion that Christmas is far too much about material things and cost, in your opinion, but I think your accusatory tone unecessary.

Adamss

This time I have saved a lot for celebrating Christmas, I will purchase so many gifts and celebrate Christmas with happiness.