the eye of the tiger in 2015

hi folks

i'm a 32 year old single dad of one. we've had a horrific time in one way or the other for the past few years, culminating in me receiving full custody of our son this summer. it's been a really traumatic time with lots of nitty gritty but in a nutshell his mother has extreme issues with addiction and is now receiving treatment in an inpatient centre in her native US. this a good thing but of course throws up no end of emotional issues for all involved.

i have had my own fair share of mental health difficulties too over the past year but find my solace in focusing on making things better every day which is now an even stronger focus than ever.

this kind of brings me to the 'now' because for the first time last night i had a long overdue sit down to get my finances on the straight and narrow. due to 'bailing out' the mother of my child on multiple occasions since 2009 and trying to keep my own head above water including a spell of unemployment and other misfortunes, I've ended up owing £12,000 split between a personal loan and a credit card. I also have a mortgage but this is a very manageable payment and just ticks along. Thankfully I have not defaulted or missed any payments thus far and my credit history is good!

My concern is really just the loan and the credit card because i have not ever been comfortable with debt, let alone double figure debt, but what with everything that has gone on it's just one of those 'it is what it is' situations for now.

but i plan to bite some serious chunks out of it in the coming months so that i can have those 2 things off my plate and from there use the excess money for security for my future with my son and more of lifes pleasures.

i spoke to Stepchange last night and they believe I am in the position to continue making my contractual payments and put excess from my earnings to paying the debt off as soon as possible. They don't think I am in any 'trouble' right now when they assessed me SOA. i work full time in a job that pays a reasonable salary and am one of the fortunate people that is able to say I enjoy what I do, for the most part. I do live in constant (irrational probably) fear of losing my job but am just in the process of trying to arrange some redundancy insurance so that will take off the edge of some of that worry I hope. Plus I need to remind myself that all of those things take time to happen so even if it did happen, it wouldn't be overnight.

i am also very fortunate that I receive a lot of help with my child from my parents in terms of childcare and helping buy things he needs (they are far from being rich, but are in a position to be able to treat him/help with his expenses ad-hoc). My mother currently looks after him while I work and should be able to do that until he starts school full time. I pay her £300 a month and also give her his child benefit, which is a bargain by anyone's standards. I am also in the throws of applying for flexible working so that by the time he is in school I will work a set shift pattern around his school hours. All of this is good.

i really just want to knuckle down on this excess money that i owe. it makes me feel uneasy to owe money as I said i've never been in that kind of position before.

everything "CHRISTMAS" has been taken care of (presents bought, etc) and all of my payments are up to date. i run a small car and a cheap mobile phone contract but have no luxury items that i can cut down on (i have stopped smoking since my son moved in...) so this shouldn't be *too* difficult if i knuckle down!
what i'd really like to do in this diary is just track how i'm feeling, how we're doing and use my diary to watch my figure come down!

thanks for reading my first post! :j

Comments

  • AleMrsT
    AleMrsT Posts: 577 Forumite
    Good luck Charlie, will subscribe to follow your progress.
  • Thanks for reading all that waffle AleMrsT! :)
  • lcc86
    lcc86 Posts: 2,313
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    Wishing you all the best on your journey, I've just started my own diary too so know how daunting it can feel! Look forward to reading your progress! :)
    Save £3,000 emergency fund #79 - £1,408 as of 03/24
  • Thank you Icc86 - I will subscribe to yours too! :)
  • Morningggg. I'm feeling bizarrely positive today, I think starting this diary really helped to give me a centre of focus and clarity along with somewhere to vent because another thing about all this is that nobody knows I have this debt - I feel ashamed so keep it to myself and want to overcome it by myself - so it's good to have a safe place to talk about it instead of having all the same thoughts cyclonic in my mind.

    Myself and 'little tiger' have awful colds at the moment so we're just going to take it easy today. I'm figuring out a way to get all of my outgoings to happen on the 1st of the month - 90% of them already do but I'm just going to re-jig a couple of other direct debits to match up and then I resolve to only 'worry' about money on one day of the month instead of checking it all every day and getting in a spin.

    If I just check it on payday to make sure the money has gone in - and then again on the 1st to make sure all my payments have gone out, I don't really need to be any more obsessive about it, it won't change things.

    I also have to remember to just think only on a month by month basis - I have a tendency to think too far ahead and think of worst case scenarios all of the time so I really need to stop that! During my mental health crisis my support worker taught me a bit about 'mindfulness' so I need to remember to apply that as much as possible along this journey - enjoy the day, live in the moment, etc.
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