Can't stop feeling guilty about spending

Buzzybee90

Decided against

millysg1

Everything you have written, I could have written. Its freaky how exactly the same we are.

Luckily my OH is my opposite so can give me that push when I need it. I spent all year saving up for a new laptop as mine was 5 years old and I knew it was on the way out (most the money actually came from my OH's overtime) But when I had saved it all after 9 months and my laptop had dies, I still couldn't buy it. My OH had to get it in the end.

One coping mechanism ive come up with is creating monthly budgets for everything. The amounts aren't over the top but also isn't too stingy.

If I know I have x amount to spend each week on groceries then I find it easier. I give myself and my OH a set amount of "pocket money" a month to spend on those other luxery items. Some people don't thinks its much but as I really struggle to spend money on myself its sill enough to give me that little push to get something I want. Sometimes I spend it all, sometimes I go a little over and sometimes I don't spend it all.

I know what you mean about presents for everyone else. If I see something I know someone will love I have no problem buying it.

gayleygoo

I used to feel guilty buying things for myself, but now I save £20 a month for clothes purchases. Sometimes it seems like a lot, but that also needs to cover shoes, underwear and socks, winter woollies and coats etc. To make it stretch I buy off ebay, shop in charity shops, try not to buy full-price things (unless I know I'm going to wear it many, many times) etc.

How about budgeting small amounts that you can spend without feeling guilty? If you have a lot of clothes already, try giving an item or two away each time you want to buy a new thing. having a monthly budget or a savings jar for clothes and shoes takes the guilt away since that money wasn't designated for anything else in the first place.

Treats are needed too, but they're not "treats" if you feel guilty about them afterwards. Budget £5-£10 a week that you can spend on whatever you like. Whether it's KFC, a magazine, a takeout coffee, bottle of wine or a Lush treat, just don't go over your budget for the week (unless you choose to save some and "carry it over" to the next week so you could perhaps have a bigger treat like a facial/massage, or whatever you like doing).

Unless you are struggling to meet basic needs (and it sounds like you're not), don't feel bad about having a little to spend on yourself. It doesn't have to be much. Budget or save the money and you'll feel your "earned" the treat rather than blew money. If you only have say £4 of your treat money left for the week then you may have to decide whether you want the KFC or the Lush goodies. Don't regret your decision either way - you can make a different choice next week. If you do happen to overspend, perhaps you could then donate the same amount to a charity so that you feel that someone else will benefit from your decisions?

Make a list of things to do for free, that make you feel good, so you are having fun in your life. You need to be happy, which money can't buy, but don't deprive yourself for the sake of saving an extra pound or two.

Person_one

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Decided against

Probably for the best.

You might find it useful to pick up a beginner's book on CBT (I got the 'for dummies' one) and have a read through. Its helpful in all sorts of situations where your thoughts are unhelpful and unwanted.

Buzzybee90

millysg1 wrote: »

Everything you have written, I could have written. Its freaky how exactly the same we are.

Luckily my OH is my opposite so can give me that push when I need it. I spent all year saving up for a new laptop as mine was 5 years old and I knew it was on the way out (most the money actually came from my OH's overtime) But when I had saved it all after 9 months and my laptop had dies, I still couldn't buy it. My OH had to get it in the end.

One coping mechanism ive come up with is creating monthly budgets for everything. The amounts aren't over the top but also isn't too stingy.

If I know I have x amount to spend each week on groceries then I find it easier. I give myself and my OH a set amount of "pocket money" a month to spend on those other luxery items. Some people don't thinks its much but as I really struggle to spend money on myself its sill enough to give me that little push to get something I want. Sometimes I spend it all, sometimes I go a little over and sometimes I don't spend it all.

I know what you mean about presents for everyone else. If I see something I know someone will love I have no problem buying it.

gayleygoo wrote: »

I used to feel guilty buying things for myself, but now I save £20 a month for clothes purchases. Sometimes it seems like a lot, but that also needs to cover shoes, underwear and socks, winter woollies and coats etc. To make it stretch I buy off ebay, shop in charity shops, try not to buy full-price things (unless I know I'm going to wear it many, many times) etc.

How about budgeting small amounts that you can spend without feeling guilty? If you have a lot of clothes already, try giving an item or two away each time you want to buy a new thing. having a monthly budget or a savings jar for clothes and shoes takes the guilt away since that money wasn't designated for anything else in the first place.

Treats are needed too, but they're not "treats" if you feel guilty about them afterwards. Budget £5-£10 a week that you can spend on whatever you like. Whether it's KFC, a magazine, a takeout coffee, bottle of wine or a Lush treat, just don't go over your budget for the week (unless you choose to save some and "carry it over" to the next week so you could perhaps have a bigger treat like a facial/massage, or whatever you like doing).

Unless you are struggling to meet basic needs (and it sounds like you're not), don't feel bad about having a little to spend on yourself. It doesn't have to be much. Budget or save the money and you'll feel your "earned" the treat rather than blew money. If you only have say £4 of your treat money left for the week then you may have to decide whether you want the KFC or the Lush goodies. Don't regret your decision either way - you can make a different choice next week. If you do happen to overspend, perhaps you could then donate the same amount to a charity so that you feel that someone else will benefit from your decisions?

Make a list of things to do for free, that make you feel good, so you are having fun in your life. You need to be happy, which money can't buy, but don't deprive yourself for the sake of saving an extra pound or two.

Thank you so much for both these posts - they make complete sense. I don't know why I feel so guilty, I volunteer in a charity shop so I know i'm "giving back"... it's so silly. For some reason it's worse for smaller purchases, like you say 'treats'... I have bought myself things I've needed that have cost more much more than the odd treat - e.g. my car and I didn't feel guilty then.

Thanks so much for your advice and good to know I'm not alone.

Lily-Rose_3

What did the original post say?!!! :mad:

Just a rough idea???

Georgiegirl256

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Thank you so much for both these posts - they make complete sense. I don't know why I feel so guilty, I volunteer in a charity shop so I know i'm "giving back"... it's so silly. For some reason it's worse for smaller purchases, like you say 'treats'... I have bought myself things I've needed that have cost more much more than the odd treat - e.g. my car and I didn't feel guilty then.

Thanks so much for your advice and good to know I'm not alone.

I think it's because you buy a car because you need it usually. So that's a big one off purchase that is sometimes a neccessity.

When buying little things here and there, you haven't got anything of real substance to show for it. A coffee or a bath bomb don't last long and I think sometimes it can feel like you've just thrown your money down the plughole....literally! That's one of the reasons I've stopped buying bath bombs (although I do occasionally like to try any new ones that take my fancy), they go for stupid prices and last for minutes.

I've come to realise over the years, that while obviously money is very important, your health is more so, and so if I want a little treat then I'm damn well going to have one and not feel guilty about it!

Buzzybee90

Lily-Rose wrote: »

What did the original post say?!!! :mad:

Just a rough idea???

Sorry Lily, I had deleted it before anyone commented but they must have had the tab open or something. I basically said I feel really guilty whenever I buy anything for myself, as above from food to treats.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I think it's because you buy a car because you need it usually. So that's a big one off purchase that is sometimes a neccessity.

When buying little things here and there, you haven't got anything of real substance to show for it. A coffee or a bath bomb don't last long and I think sometimes it can feel like you've just thrown your money down the plughole....literally! That's one of the reasons I've stopped buying bath bombs (although I do occasionally like to try any new ones that take my fancy), they go for stupid prices and last for minutes.

I've come to realise over the years, that while obviously money is very important, your health is more so, and so if I want a little treat then I'm damn well going to have one and not feel guilty about it!

I think this is the key. My family have been hard savers - they are not frivolous at all. Then, a few years ago, one of my family members died and it gave my parents a little bit of a nudge - they started treating themselves more and going on slightly better holidays, having a meal out (they would never do this before) etc. They are much more content now and it's good that something good came from something so sad.

bloolagoon

Set yourself a treat budget that way you feel less guilty it's psychological but works if you stay in budget. It's kind of like giving yourself permission.

fivetide

Imagine how you'd feel if you were Bill Gates! His Foundation has done a lot for charities. I wonder if it was set up because of similar feelings to yourself OP?


The scale is very different and your time volunteering is precious so worry not about what you do. At the end of the day you have earned it!