Elderly Parent At Christmas

Hi

We usually spend Christmas at home with my mum or with my son and his family at Christmas.

This year, we've been invited to spend Christmas with my son and his family but my step mother in law has invited us to spend Christmas with her. Since her husband died, she usually spends Christmas Day with her late husband's sister and her family who live nearby. She said to me though that she doesn't like going there at Christmas.

We live a few hours drive away. I don't enjoy visiting at any time of the year but feel guilty that she may spend Christmas Day alone.

My partner is working on Christmas Eve but hopes to get an early finish (5 ish poss at earliest).

My grandson doesn't live with my son but he will be there on Boxing Day and a few days afterwards but they treat Boxing Day as his Christmas Day Day and he gets his presents delivered by the big man then.

What would you do, here are my options so far but there may be others.

1. Travel there on Christmas Eve, stay Christmas Day and leave early Boxing Day to travel to son's to spend day with them (would leaving there on Boxing Day be rude!).

2. Don't go (but see above, I feel guilty). She however doesn't feel guilty about saying that she doesn't like to go to Teresa's. She also refuses point blank to travel to us or to anyone for that matter - no real reason tho.

I'm in a dilemma and I don't know what to do.

Boonie x

Comments

  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    Ted_Boon wrote: »
    This year, we've been invited to spend Christmas with my son and his family but my step mother in law has invited us to spend Christmas with her.

    My grandson doesn't live with my son but he will be there on Boxing Day and a few days afterwards but they treat Boxing Day as his Christmas Day Day and he gets his presents delivered by the big man then.

    As long as you don't mind having two Christmas Days, I'd accept both invites and see how things go this year.
  • McKneff
    McKneff Posts: 38,819 Forumite
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    It matters not what we would do, do what you want to do.


    Life is far too short to be dictated by other people.
    make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
    and we will never, ever return.
  • I would spend xmas with your step mum and then travel to your sons boxing day. You don't know how long you have left with elderly relatives so make the most of it. Plus, if I was her I would feel so alone, especially at xmas if nobody came to see me.
    :wave:
  • themull1
    themull1 Posts: 4,299 Forumite
    I would spend xmas with your step mum and then travel to your sons boxing day. You don't know how long you have left with elderly relatives so make the most of it. Plus, if I was her I would feel so alone, especially at xmas if nobody came to see me.


    I would do this....
  • Luckystar
    Luckystar Posts: 1,062 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    If your son invited you first then tell your Step MIL that you have already accepted yours sons invitation as she normally has plans at Xmas. Failing that I would go with option 1, It is difficult to please everyone at Xmas.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Ted_Boon wrote: »
    This year, we've been invited to spend Christmas with my son and his family but my step mother in law has invited us to spend Christmas with her. Since her husband died, she usually spends Christmas Day with her late husband's sister and her family who live nearby. She said to me though that she doesn't like going there at Christmas.

    Be wary of letting what you do this year become an expectation for every Christmas to come. You shouldn't feel you have to spend your Christmas in a way that doesn't suit you just so that she doesn't have to spend the day in a way that doesn't suit her.

    If you don't enjoy it, try to work out another way of doing things next year.
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,921 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Do you want to go? If you don't mind, I would go.

    If you don't want to go then I wouldn't go. If your worried about feeling guilty and think it will spoil your day, I would go. But I think you should maybe look at why you feel guilty.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • If you have already accepted your sons invitation, then did her invitation come after his? and if so, did you not make it clear immediately that you were already going to your sons?

    I would ask you son if she could come over as well and then I would ring her and say she is welcome to come as those are the existing plans.

    If she refuses as you say to go where she normally goes or wont unbend and take up the new invite, then you are under no obligations to change your plans, you havent left her out,

    As you are going to your sons this year this is also the year your Mum is on her own? or is she going to your sons as well?

    1/You could invite your mum and step mum in law over xmas day then go and see your son boxing day,

    2/ you could go to your sons for both xmas day and boxing day and let your mum & mother in law make their own plans/

    Basically I would go to your sons no matter what.

    I would not travel to anyone this year if they live hours away and you dont fancy it.

    Let them come to you over xmas rather than you go to them.

    Just because they have sprung this on you doesnt mean you have to drop everything to accomodate them.

    However you could tell both of them to come round xmas eve for a mince pie and a drink , then say that after xmas and boxing day they are welcome to come round for a roast at New Year perhaps?
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