Accepted new job but changed mind. Want to stay put! Help please

Londonmoon

Urgent advice needed please!

I've been in my current employment for 17 years, it's a large company and I get on well with my managers. (However, it's not the type of company where they would miss me if I left as there are many other people working the same role as me).

Now, here's my dilemma!

Work got tough and I started to think the grass was greener on the other side! I applied for a job elsewhere & got it. I accepted the job verbally over the phone & in email. The new Job is subject to references & a contact will be issued once they have been checked.

Initially I was so excited about the job, I accepted it immediately and was told that references would be applied for straight away via email. I therefore telephoned my old & current manager to let them know I was applying for a job and they would be contacted shortly for refs ( to give them a heads up - they were both fine about this). I have NOT given my notice to quit.

Unfortunately, I have now changed my mind and want to stay in my current job. I've thought about it this weekend & have realised that my current employer is much more family friendly, taking the new job means I may be spending less time with my children & paying more in childcare. I am a lone parent.

I know this is all my own mistake, (mostly made due to lack of Experience at job hunting).

I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle this, be honest, but please don't be to harsh as I realise I've done wrong and am feeling very stressed over it.

My main concerns are:
- How to reject the job offer that I've accepted. And the implications of this.
- That my references have already been applied for. I have therefore wasted my current and past managers time as they have or will be filing these in for the new company.
- That the new employer has or will tell my current employer that I accepted a job with them - can my current employer treat this as notice to quit?
- That either way, my current employer will now know I tried for a different job and think badly of me (not my managers but maybe seniors).
- That the new job will be angry when I turn them down. Could they contact my current manager & tell them all that's happened?

As you can see I'm very worried as I feel I've completely messed up here.

Thanks in advance for your help.

duchy

No you haven't messed up- People apply for jobs and then don't accept them in the end for all kinds of reasons- and job security is one of them.

Let the new company know in writing straight away that you are are declining their job offer. It's the polite thing to do so they can offer the job to another candidate or restart looking for more candidates for the role.

Send your old and current managers emails letting them know you have decided the role isn't for you so they don't need to respond to the reference requests.

Only you can quit your job - it wouldn't matter if the new company told your current company you were starting tomorrow- it still wouldn't be giving notice as the employment contract is between you and your current company .

If it is a large company there shouldn't be any comeback from "seniors" that you dared to explore other possibilities. It's an employment contract between you not a marriage
Your current manager may question your commitment and understandably think that if you've applied for one job you could apply for others in he future. That can be a negative especially if the manager isn't very good - but it can also be a positive as they may ask you what elements of your current job led you to apply for the other position and try and make things better.....or they may just never mention it.

Stop worrying -it'll be fine.

LittleVoice

Londonmoon wrote: »

Urgent advice needed please!

I've been in my current employment for 17 years, it's a large company and I get on well with my managers. (However, it's not the type of company where they would miss me if I left as there are many other people working the same role as me).

Now, here's my dilemma!

Work got tough and I started to think the grass was greener on the other side! I applied for a job elsewhere & got it. I accepted the job verbally over the phone & in email. The new Job is subject to references & a contact will be issued once they have been checked.

Initially I was so excited about the job, I accepted it immediately (note for the future - it is best to do this, don't take this one change of mind as an indicator that you should not do so in the future) and was told that references would be applied for straight away via email. I therefore telephoned my old & current manager to let them know I was applying for a job and they would be contacted shortly for refs ( to give them a heads up - they were both fine about this). I have NOT given my notice to quit. (Very sensible as you don't have an unconditional offer.)

Unfortunately, I have now changed my mind and want to stay in my current job. I've thought about it this weekend & have realised that my current employer is much more family friendly, taking the new job means I may be spending less time with my children & paying more in childcare. I am a lone parent.

I know this is all my own mistake, (mostly made due to lack of Experience at job hunting).

I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle this, be honest, but please don't be to harsh as I realise I've done wrong (no you have not "done wrong") and am feeling very stressed over it. (STOP)

My main concerns are:
- How to reject the job offer that I've accepted. And the implications of this. You email them saying "thank you" but you no longer wish to accept their offer. The implications - they may have a corporate memory which means they won't interview you if you apply again - but their memory may not be long.
- That my references have already been applied for. I have therefore wasted my current and past managers time as they have or will be filing these in for the new company. (It's something managers do. By rejecting the potential new job you would be saving them much more time in recruiting a replacement than they would have spent in writing a reference.)
- That the new employer has or will tell my current employer that I accepted a job with them - can my current employer treat this as notice to quit? Of course nobody but you can resign from your current role. Even you telling your managers that they will be asked for a reference is not you resigning.
- That either way, my current employer will now know I tried for a different job and think badly of me (not my managers but maybe seniors). They may be thinking how to keep you.
- That the new job will be angry when I turn them down. Could they contact my current manager & tell them all that's happened? They will be disappointed - but they will probably have a second choice to whom they offer the job. They won't waste their time on making further contact with your current company.

As you can see I'm very worried as I feel I've completely messed up here.

Thanks in advance for your help.

.....................

DCFC79

You have done no wrong, in fact employers may well be used to people changing they're minds so wouldnt have thought they would be angry and whether they contact your current manager is anyones guess but I don't see how your manager would be bothered about it.

The fact you have chnaged your mind now is good rather than so many months into the job and you realise whatis important to you in terms of benefits.

TELLIT01

You are doing exactly the right thing. You've had time to fully consider your situation and have decided you want to stay where you are. As has already been said, contact the company who offered you the job immediately to minimise any inconvenience to them.
My wife was in a similar position of being offered a job and accepting it verbally. When she then read her e-mail at home she discovered that she had also been offered another job which both fitted her experience better and paid a lot more. She immediately contacted the people who had made the original job offer and explained. They were fine about it and actually said that if she was looking in the future to contact them!

Snakey

I agree with all the above. It's far better to admit you made a mistake and extract yourself from the situation with dignity than to go through with it out of a sense of obligation and make yourself miserable.

You should tell the new employer straight away as often they will have been keeping another candidate hanging as a fall-back option in case you turn them down so that they don't have to go through the recruitment process all over again.

Londonmoon

Thank you all for your kind replies. I feel a lot better about the situation now.

As suggested I will contact the recruiting manager first thing tomorrow morning to apologise & explain why I cannot accept their job offer.

I cannot physically speak to my current manager this week as I am on annual leave, so I will call or drop them an email stating that I have refused the new job, and that they should not spend any more time completing my references. I will have a fuller chat with them on my return to work.

Again, thanks for your advice. It's much appreciated.

Snakey

When you phone the new guys, ask them whether they've sent off the reference request yet.

If not, then no need to say anything to your current managers. Re-reading your original post you haven't told them that you were offered/accepted the job, only that you've applied and that they might ask for references. So there's nothing to rescind or withdraw - unless you want them to know the specifics of what happened next, and even then that's probably better done by waiting until you speak to them in person.

Londonmoon

Snakey wrote: »

When you phone the new guys, ask them whether they've sent off the reference request yet.

If not, then no need to say anything to your current managers. Re-reading your original post you haven't told them that you were offered/accepted the job, only that you've applied and that they might ask for references. So there's nothing to rescind or withdraw - unless you want them to know the specifics of what happened next, and even then that's probably better done by waiting until you speak to them in person.

Yes that's correct. I only said I was applying for a job and asked if they would be happy to provide references. I didn't say I had been offered the position. I know the new employer has already asked for the references via email Thurs gone (they told me this already in an email). Do you think I should just leave it go and let my managers complete these refs? Or is it better to give them a heads up so they don't waste their time on these refs? If I let it go and let them complete them, should I explain things to manager on return to work, or maybe just bring it up at next personal review?

duchy

I111'd think a manager would appreciate you not wasting their time so a quick email is the most appropriate method.

Dear Mr Manager

I believe you received a reference application from X company ltd recently. Just to let you know that after due consideration I have now declined their offer so you don't need to complete this reference application after all.
Apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Kind Regards Londonmoon