Advise on settling into new job

brokeparent

Started new job in July after 7 years at my old job - left only for job security and more hours.

Struggling with 3 people in the office. They do seem to be going out their way to make my life hard.

Lady 1 - in early 50's - started off very cold but polite but now progressed to ignoring completely and will not help me when busy (as part of her job description)

Lady 2 - early 20's - just snidey, if I join in - sarcastic and close to mark

Lady 3 - 40 ish - started with me and made friends with the above. Doesn't hide her contempt - slams messages on my desk, snaps is I ask anything work related and blatantly rude (However did both want the same position which I got so can understand to an extent?).

Everyone else is really lovely and the job is so interesting.

Another girl started after me and left shortly stating the staff were not very nice. All the nice ones in the office could not understand this but I do think if its not directed at you, you are unlikely to see, I haven't told them how I feel and I don't think they see how the 3 are with me.

After this girl left, the 3 above were really nice and I felt things were on the up - this lasted all of 1 week and today they were back to old form.

I am not really used to people like this, but my teenage daughter tells me that it is common among her age group and if you ignore it - it does finally stop.

So, can I have some advice: Do I ignore and hope this does go away? Has this worked for anyone else?

Do I mention to manager - although I am reluctant as still in a probation period and this could black mark against my name as unable to get on with others?

Do I tell them how they are making me feel?

Just a quick note, I have not let this show it has bothered me at work and keep smiling and getting on with things - but as soon as I leave, it really eats away at me

Thanks

DomRavioli

brokeparent wrote: »

Started new job in July after 7 years at my old job - left only for job security and more hours.

Struggling with 3 people in the office. They do seem to be going out their way to make my life hard.

Lady 1 - in early 50's - started off very cold but polite but now progressed to ignoring completely and will not help me when busy (as part of her job description) She's busy, so its quite obvious why she "won't help" you. She has her own job.

Lady 2 - early 20's - just snidey, if I join in - sarcastic and close to mark Maybe she just genuinely doesn't like you. You can't like everyone.

Lady 3 - 40 ish - started with me and made friends with the above. Doesn't hide her contempt - slams messages on my desk, snaps is I ask anything work related and blatantly rude (However did both want the same position which I got so can understand to an extent?). Again, probably just doesn't get on with you.

Everyone else is really lovely and the job is so interesting.

Another girl started after me and left shortly stating the staff were not very nice. All the nice ones in the office could not understand this but I do think if its not directed at you, you are unlikely to see, I haven't told them how I feel and I don't think they see how the 3 are with me.

After this girl left, the 3 above were really nice and I felt things were on the up - this lasted all of 1 week and today they were back to old form.

I am not really used to people like this, but my teenage daughter tells me that it is common among her age group and if you ignore it - it does finally stop.

So, can I have some advice: Do I ignore and hope this does go away? Has this worked for anyone else?

Do I mention to manager - although I am reluctant as still in a probation period and this could black mark against my name as unable to get on with others?

Do I tell them how they are making me feel?

Just a quick note, I have not let this show it has bothered me at work and keep smiling and getting on with things - but as soon as I leave, it really eats away at me

Thanks

Hi OP,

Think you may be blowing this a little out of proportion. You'll get idiots wherever you work, and you won't get on with everyone. I occasionally have slammed things on people's desks, usually when they have got on my nerves a lot; doesn't excuse it, but maybe look at your behaviour towards them?

I'd have a quiet word (although the manager may already know - just to prepare yourself for that one) with the manager, but unless they see it with their own eyes, its one word against another.

BunnieJ

Hi OP,

I was in a similar position to you in a previous job. Unfortunately women (especially if they've already formed a "clique") can be very nasty

You could look at your behaviour towards them or try and think why they may have taken a dislike to you, but from what you've said, it's their problem not you. If another girl has already left citing them as the reason, they can't be doing nothing!

Give it time. Maybe once your probation period is over you might feel differently. If not, discreetly speak to your manager about how you feel. Nobody should have to suffer playground bullying at work. I know first hand it's hard for others to see when they're nice to everyone else.

Remember, if it's making you that miserable you can always look for another job. You may have to put up with them for a while longer until you find something, but you don't have to put up with them forever!

Hope you get things sorted

dandelionclock30

Just kill them with kindness and dont ever let them see you are bothered.Meanwhile look for something elce.

MissD

I have to say that in the vast majority of offices there are nasty people, women especially.

In my last 3 permanent roles only 1 company has had people that were genuinely on the whole nice, I was there 6 years.

The others working with women, especially in admin/secretarial roles often if a newcomer comes in, they tend to get threatened by if she's better by them etc. I've had this said behind my back or to my face, 1 woman even threw a tantrum when a director where we worked left, she had no work to do for this woman so she demanded she work for 1 of my co-workers. After that to make up my time she was quite happy for me to assist accounts (in a large company) which was NOT what I wanted to do. There was also lots of backstabbing and b*tchiness, I was told by a junior manager, "as soon as you walk out of the door they b*tch about you", but this then dominoed into talk to another manager who unfairly appraised me.

My current (and soon to be job I'm leaving! :j) I was bullied but it was more friendliness at first, overly friendliness, then as soon as you don't want that, they turned nasty.

In my other jobs it's been a mix of nice/nasty and when I temped long term between 2 jobs above (2 years) it was in central government and everyone was nice, in fact they were almost too nice, but I was only in a role approx 2-3 months or a bit more due to being a temp.

Maybe it's me but I have been in roles where women (especially if you're younger, more attractive etc) turn on you. I've also been in roles where women can be very nice, almost motherly.

I'd say ignore for now and just get on with your work. Maybe occasionally bring in things like biscuits. Everyone likes that. Maybe suggest a lunch outing one day, all 4 of you? or make small talk.

Your daughter is right in a way it's common in her age group but I think in ALL age groups it is common!

Good luck.

MissD

BunnieJ wrote: »

Hi OP,

I was in a similar position to you in a previous job. Unfortunately women (especially if they've already formed a "clique") can be very nasty

You could look at your behaviour towards them or try and think why they may have taken a dislike to you, but from what you've said, it's their problem not you. If another girl has already left citing them as the reason, they can't be doing nothing!

Give it time. Maybe once your probation period is over you might feel differently. If not, discreetly speak to your manager about how you feel. Nobody should have to suffer playground bullying at work. I know first hand it's hard for others to see when they're nice to everyone else.

Remember, if it's making you that miserable you can always look for another job. You may have to put up with them for a while longer until you find something, but you don't have to put up with them forever!

Hope you get things sorted

I'd do as BunnieJ says and give it to after your probation period but seriously don't let them get to you!

In fact in my current job my first 2 years (though I was friendly with my colleagues) I almost had a head in the clouds "don't care attitude" out of the office, so if they WERE talking about me I didn't care!

I would not let them hound you out though speak to HR as you have got this job on your own merits and deserve hopefully to stay there and earn an honest wage!

DKLS

Doughnuts, bring in doughnuts, it doesn't matter if they are cheap supermarket ones or Krispy Kremes, doughnuts are a powerful work tool, I have managed to bring together warring staff over doughnuts.

In the meantime keep your head down and get on with your job, and show interest if they include you in their conversations, if your not interested fake it.

MsBlonde

I've had the same issue with a few of my colleagues, they slack off and I do all their work... some of them have stopped being grade a morons towards me, but one guy in particular is very abusive, lazy, opinionated and thinks he's generally something special. I've tried being nice, didn't work... I tried speaking to my manager, works when there's a manager around, the guy wont speak to me... but when he's off on leave, he reverts back to himself.

I actually snapped the other day at work, I had made the company over £1,500 in the morning, it was a pretty big thing for me and I'd done it all before midday, I went and spoke to a colleague who was making a cup of tea, and jokingly said I wonder if they'll let me go home early now... to which this ghastly guy (he was hiding so he didn't have to do any work) pipes up from behind the door, "WHAT DO YOU THINK A JOB IS?"... I snapped, I went "You tell me since you seem to have done absolutley nothing today, just talking and hiding", my other colleague laughed and said "She's got you there, totally has a point".

I now give as good as I get, he starts it... I finish it!