Having a baby whilst paying off debts.

midlander81

We have a bit of a dilemma....


Those of you that have read my earlier posts will know that we are currently on a debt free journey to clear around 40K of debt by Christmas 2016. We have one child who is 4 years old. We had problems getting pregnant the first time round and it took 2 years and fertility drugs (not IVF and we didn't have to pay anything). We desperately want a second child.


We have spoken at length about whether we should go for it or wait until the debts are paid. We also know that waiting could potentially ruin our chances of conceiving, especially if it takes 2 years to conceive like the last time. We would be pushing 40!


We have talked through all of the reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea but we actually think it would work out ok.... See what you think. The rules are that we can't add to our debt nor can we reduce the rate that we are paying off our current debts (currently paying £1300 per month which includes a big overpayment)


1. my wife has a good maternity package available at her work which includes occupational maternity pay. Her pay would not really drop until month 6 of maternity. Next July our current child care fees end which will save us around £235 per month which would make up the shortfall should my wife take 9 months off. This means that her income would be largely unaffected.


2. We wouldn't need to buy much as we still have all of the big things - cot etc. We would just need a pram although we have agreed that a second hand one is more than sufficient.


3. in 9 months we will have paid off more than 10K


4. Despite our debts we do have a decent amount of disposable income so life is still enjoyable.


5. We both feel that we can't risk waiting for 2 and a half years however we acknowledge that this would be different if we were on a longer debt free journey or if we were literally paying out every penny of our earnings.




I know that this will divide opinions but I would welcome any comments. It would also be good to hear from anyone who extended their family whilst on a DMP.


Thanks for reading!!

Monkeyballs

Hi,

So, to be upfront I am a 38 year old single guy - I just wanted to mention for some context.

Personally, I would wait because while I understand you want a second child sometimes you need to just accept your limitations. Having a second child while still in debt whilst having a good level of disposable income might not sound so bad but that level of disposable income wouldn't seem so great with sprog number 2...

Pushing 40 and trying for a second kid doesn't sound too bad to me?

Could you live more frugally to bring forward your debt free day? This could be a more practical compromise?

This is my view, others will have their own but hopefully it's some food for thought?

Good luck in whatever you decide!

MB

Tommelise

Hi Midlander

From your post I get the feeling that having another child is something you feel very strongly about both of you. If that is the case I would personally try for another child. You never know what tomorow brings and if you wait too long it might be to late.

I would however work very very hard to bring the debt down. I know that you have done a lot to do so, but also seem to rememer that you posted recently that you had 700 pounds left when the bills were paid. You should be able to improve that budget.

Try zero budgeting - you will be surpriced how much you spend on things that are not essential.

lessonlearned

I have been in debt three times in my life. Twice it was a deliberate decision to take on the debt and the third time it was circumstances beyond my control.

The first tine was in my twenties, after I divorced my first husband. I got into debt by buying a house I couldn't really afford. It turned out to be the best financial decision I ever made because I sold that house three years later for more than double what I had paid for it.

The second time I got into debt was when I was in my thirties. My husband and I wanted children and my biological clock was ticking. We just dived in and started our family. Best decision I ever made....I have two wonderful sons who are my pride and joy. Yes it was rough for a few years but we cleared the debts. If we had waitd until we Could have afforded children I may well have ended up being unable to conceive. I wasnt prepared to take that risk and my husband was happy with that decision.

So in both cases the decision to take on debt was deliberate and calculated. In both cases the debts were cleared in the fullness of time.

The third time I accrued debt was when my husband developed a terminal illness. I racked up £30k of debt keeping a roof over our heads, food on the table and having to pay for disabled equipment and all the extra expenses that are incurred when serious illness strikes.

I managed to clear that debt, selling our house and most of our assets.

Sadly my husband died a couple of months ago. I am debt free and have enough money to buy a small house without a mortgage and enough passive and pension income to live quite comfortably.

Of course it's nice to be debt free.

Having said that I would rather have my £30k of debt back and my husband restored to me.......

It's only money.

if you want a second child then go for it. You will manage. If everyone waited to start a family until they could afford it the human race would probably have died out by now. :rotfl:

Gigervamp

Given the fact that you had trouble conceiving the first time, and your ages, I'd say go for it. You'll find a way to manage.

Good luck.

Brightspark87

This post really hit home to me. I would love to start a family with my DH but money worries are just too much at the moment.

I think you should start trying, and if a little miracle happens then you will find a way forward - you always have the 9 month of pregnancy to try as hard as possible to reduce the debt too!

Good luck x

Kate_fixing_it

I don't think there's ever a right time to have a child. I'm lucky enough to have had four with no issues but I've been emotionally supporting a friend going through IVF and she's about to turn 40. Given your circumstances I'd check the NHS guidelines for fertility help, it may be that your local trust won't help because you already have one child or they may not help if you have turned 40. Look at the practicalities first. It may not be as easy as "we'll clear the debt then try".

Your situation is completely different to everyone else. You have to do what's right for you. That said there are a lot of cases where couples who have previously had issues conceiving fall pregnant with no intervention on the second attempt.

Given that your debt free date is 31 months away, pregnacy is 9 months and her maternity leave would cover 6 months at full pay I'd suggest trying in about a year. (I'd spout the adage that nobody gets pregnant immediately but I'm living proof of that being a myth with 4 conceptions in the first month of trying!)
Perhaps spend that year cutting back to the bone and clearing as much as possible - stress about debt isn't going to help.

I'm one of those people who considers the absolute worst then if I can live with that or at least prepare a plan to deal with it I go for whatever it is I want.

Babies actually cost very little (financially) in their first year. But believe me when I say the sleepless nights are no easier when you know what's coming - in fact it's actually tougher because you have the responsibility of caring for an older child. And don't forget that suddenly work is going to be tougher for you too - that 3pm slump can become a 3pm crash when your 8 month old is teething and has screamed the house down from midnight to 5am. And don't count on the childcare money making a difference - £235 a month doesn't go very far with clothes, shoes, school trips, after school activities and transport to get to all of the above Then of course there are school holidays to consider when both children will need to be cared for while you work and the added "bonus" of childhood infections. I'm yet to meet a family with more than one child where chicken pox happened to the kids simultaneously - they just live to wait until their sibling is better before coming down with it, I spent the whole of December 2005 in virtual quarantine because my (now) teens got it one after the other

Ultimately it's your choice but I applaud you for considering this very carefully. And please don't take my comments negatively, I wouldn't change my situation for the world but I'm a realist and there have been some seriously difficult times.

Kate x

Monkeyballs

Excellent advice given above, as expected

Another thing to consider is that whatever you decide, you have a forum full of people willing to look through your Income & Expenditure (SOA) and offer advice on what you can do to save a bit extra cash which could prove to be invaluable!

Also, (and don't take this the wrong way) I have always said that if I found myself in a relationship and discussions turned to children then I would not rule out adoption and/or fostering as there are thousands of children out there who have not had the best of starts and just need love.

MB

FireWyrm

There is never a 'good' time to have a baby, they are disruptive, can be expensive and time-consuming but as a parent of three, I can safely say that had I waited until the 'perfect' time and all the stars were aligned just right, I would never have had them. When we conceived the youngest just over 2 years ago, there was much discussion over whether we could manage another. In actuality, we have simply folded him into our lives and it is as though he has always been there. You just have to make ends meet, cut your coat etc. We bought second hand stuff (the other two are 8 and 10), breast-fed, freecycled and accepted the offered help from the Inlaws when necessary (new cot bed, very welcome). Really, it doesnt cost that much more for two than one except if you take into account childcare which is what usually stops people dead in their tracks. We happen to be lucky enough to be a single income household and doing very well on it. It demanded a sacrifice in that I returned to work at 6 weeks, but the joy of his existence offsets that minor inconvenience.

If you had trouble conceiving (as women over the age of 36 are finding), then there is no good reason not to go for it. When I was in my twenties, with years ahead, I could fall pregnant if OH just winked at me. We've been playing Russian Roulette on and off for a few months now and nothing doing. I'm content with that as I already have three beautiful children. I can see how you might not be content with one and how you want to give them a sibling. Dont put it off and then regret it in later years when it is too late.

GettingOrganised

It is a very personal decision - but, if I was in your position I think I would have to go for it.

We have one DD and I would love another child, but unfortunately, our circumstances are different to yours and I can't imagine that it will be financially viable for a number of years.

Puddylove

I waited, until I could save up so I could have time off work while still being able to pay my half of everything (my partner didn't agree that he shoukd pay more unfairly).

I never saved enough, so no children. On the plus side, my partner cheated on me too so got kicked out - best thing ever!

Do it now - it'll work out one way or another.
P x