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feel like a weight has been lifted.

midlander81
Posts: 205 Forumite
decided to take the bull by the horns and try to talk to wife about our debts last night. If you have seen my earlier posts you will see that I have had some difficulties being totally open about the debt. She knows that we have a lot of debt and that it has been "well over 30K". but it's actually around 40K.
I sort out all of the money stuff and I guess I just felt too proud to say "we owe 40K" whereas saying " we owe well over 30K" seemed easier without feeling like I had lied.
Last night I suggested logging onto Experian and looking at our total debts in black and white. She didn't want to do this and told me that she knew we had a lot of debt but that she knew I was working hard to pay it off and that is all she needs to know. (she contributes to the payments too). she even said that she isn't particularly bothered about total amounts as she knows that we are paying it back quickly.
I know that some of you will think that she is passing the buck but I am more than happy with this situation! I have spent so long worrying about not being totally open and now I don't have to!
I know that this situation wouldn't work for everyone but it will work for us.
I sort out all of the money stuff and I guess I just felt too proud to say "we owe 40K" whereas saying " we owe well over 30K" seemed easier without feeling like I had lied.
Last night I suggested logging onto Experian and looking at our total debts in black and white. She didn't want to do this and told me that she knew we had a lot of debt but that she knew I was working hard to pay it off and that is all she needs to know. (she contributes to the payments too). she even said that she isn't particularly bothered about total amounts as she knows that we are paying it back quickly.
I know that some of you will think that she is passing the buck but I am more than happy with this situation! I have spent so long worrying about not being totally open and now I don't have to!
I know that this situation wouldn't work for everyone but it will work for us.
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Comments
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If it works for you, best of luck! You seem to be working hard at paying off your debts!Starting a new debt free journeyStarting Debt: £5,250Current Debt: £4,995.50Amount Paid: £254.50 Percentage Paid: 4.84%Emergency Fund: £3500
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Hi,
Well done for coming clean! I'm glad you've got it off your chest finally and the best of luck getting it all paid off
If I'm completely honest I'd rather she was more involved as you might run into a few sticking points along the way but hey - whatever works for you amigo!
Could I also suggest you start to build up a small emergency fund to avoid the need to take on further debt when things crop up down the line? It doesn't have to be massive and you could build it up over time - nobody ever thinks an emergency is going to happen but it will feel so sweet when the car packs in and you pay using your debit card (or cash from your savings account!) instead of using a credit card or one of those dreaded payday loans...
Good luck and keep posting!
MB0 -
Perhaps she's one of those people that can't take it all in at once and no doubt there's a fair bit of guilt in there (it's a mum thing I believe - we develop irrational feelings of guilt about EVERYTHING the day we bring the kids home
) and I suspect she wants you to feel in control and supported whilst feeling scared about seeing the cold hard facts. That said I think it's a bit unfair to give you all the responsibility of shouldering this.
Debt has a way of both tearing relationships apart and strengthening depending on the individual situation (God knows I've had both over the last year!). Don't be afraid to lean on her for moral support. This forum is fantastic but we all need a bit of "real life" reassurance and it's wonderful to have a physical person to celebrate the milestones with.
Personally I keep all debt related paperwork in a place that DH can access when he chooses. I no longer hide anything which in itself reduces the stress.
Good luck with getting it all cleared
Kate xLBM 17th Oct13 - SC DMP - DFD 10th Feb 2018
paid pre-DMP £6146paid with DMP £2275
F&F's £700 (£450 discount) £1,000 (£1,498.22 discount) £ 700 (489.62 discount)
Total £9725
Current debt to repay £3,503.13 taking one day at a time0 -
I'm really pleased that you have addressed this, I know from reading your past posts that this was something that was bothering you.
I don't think it matters that she knows the full details, so long as she is on board with tackling the debt. At least now you don't feel like you're hiding anything.
I'm sure there are other parts of your life that your wife deals with and you don't need to know all of the details, she perhaps just consults with you if it is considered out of the ordinary.
Now you can focus on becoming debt free without the guilt.SPC # 348 2014-£169.07/2015 - £156.89
GC 2014 Feb-Dec £2931.62
GC 2015 Jan £216.93/£220 Feb £291.97/£215 Mar £213.64/£220 Apr £207.62/£220
DFBXmas2015 #40 - £3,474.61/£4,0000 -
GettingOrganised wrote: »I'm really pleased that you have addressed this, I know from reading your past posts that this was something that was bothering you.
I don't think it matters that she knows the full details, so long as she is on board with tackling the debt. At least now you don't feel like you're hiding anything.
I'm sure there are other parts of your life that your wife deals with and you don't need to know all of the details, she perhaps just consults with you if it is considered out of the ordinary.
Now you can focus on becoming debt free without the guilt.
Thanks for all the posts folks!
I do feel quite unburdened by it all now. I have taken on extra work to make a bit more money to pay off the debts which means that the time that I do have at home is even more precious. I don't want it being spoilt with constant discussions about debts etc. I now feel that I can just get on with it without the stress!!0
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