Ex-partner's father - separation payment

Sprogladite

Hi All,

I've tried to place this at the back of my head for a while now but this has caused a bit of a rift in my household.

I was in a relationship with a woman for 6 years and was living with her parents for 4 1/2 of these - we were very much a happy family and were engaged for 4. We moved into a house together, the 80k deposit solely mine - in April 2011 and she ended the relationship in July 2012 under harrowing circumstances for me, if I'm honest.

After our relationship ended and as I had a good relationship with her father, he agreed to offer me a loan to cover my outstanding credit card debts of (around) £3000 if I would be able to provide a £5000 'severance' payment to her, given that she supported me through the first few months of our relationship and this depleted an inheritance she received from her Grandmother. This was done of her own accord.

As the credit card debts were mounting and I wanted closure on the relationship (her father also felt that she left the relationship with 'nothing to show'), I took out an additional loan on my mortgage in June 2013 and paid HIM the £5000 to distribute sensibly to her. regretted it ever since.

In the time that we were together in the house (April 2011 - July 2012), I paid 100% of the 600pcm mortgage and all the utilities, where she contributed towards groceries. I have requested tallies from my bank on the total amount during this 15 month period.

Fast forward to today, and I am very happy with my new partner and a beautiful daughter, however am still paying off the £3000 loan to my ex partner's father at £55pcm. I am reticent to renege on a deal however would like to offset the outstanding balance (credit card loan) to her father against a more realistic severance. I.e. cancel the standing order and call it quits, if I am honest.

To reiterate, I had a good relationship with her parents and they took me under their wing, however I do feel that I was taken advantage of to some extent.

Do I have a moral/legal leg to stand on here and what would be the best way to broach this difficult message?

fairy_lights

So the agreement was that he would give you a lump sum of £3000 to pay off your credit cards, and you in return would give him a lump sum of £5000, and then pay the £3000 back in instalments?
That sounds like a very strange arrangement, if you had to take out a loan on your house to pay him the lump sum couldn't you have used that money to pay off your credit card debts yourself and cut all ties with his family?

whitewing

How many payments do you have left? Can't you just pay him a lump sum and cut ties?

I don't particularly think you have been taken advantage of. You were in a relationship and that doesn't always mean sensible financial decisions.

Alternatively, canx the so and see what happens, but I think that would be gutless.

Sprogladite

The original arrangement was £8000 (5k & 3K) at £170 per month (5 years) however this was intolerable, so I extended the mortgage, paid 5k and reduced the monthly payment. The payment was reduced to £55 and I have paid ~1000 of the 3k loan so far.

Cannot afford to pay lump sum with a new baby. If I was to explain that (in hindsight) I don't feel that the amount I paid in a lump sum (5k) was commensurate with the financial losses from her side - as a result of the mortgage/utilities on the house - and request that the 5k held 'in trust' for her was used to pay the outstanding balance - would I potentially be taken to court?

DUTR

Sprogladite wrote: »

The original arrangement was £8000 (5k & 3K) at £170 per month (5 years) however this was intolerable, so I extended the mortgage, paid 5k and reduced the monthly payment. The payment was reduced to £55 and I have paid ~1000 of the 3k loan so far.

Cannot afford to pay lump sum with a new baby. If I was to explain that (in hindsight) I don't feel that the amount I paid in a lump sum (5k) was commensurate with the financial losses from her side - as a result of the mortgage/utilities on the house - and request that the 5k held 'in trust' for her was used to pay the outstanding balance - would I potentially be taken to court?

It's all confusing, seek legal advice is my suggestion.

Wilma33

You agreed to pay it back and therefore morally you should. If you want to break ties with the family then borrow the money from somewhere else and pay back the Dad in a lump sum. But that doesn't seem like a great move as a "proper" loan might cause you more problems in the long run. What interest rate is the Dad charging you? Legally it probably isn't enforceable. What is written down about this loan?

DUTR

Wilma33 wrote: »

You agreed to pay it back and therefore you should. If you want to break ties with the family then borrow the money from somewhere else and pay back the Dad in a lump sum. But that doesn't seem like a great move as a "proper" loan might cause you more problems in the long run. What interest rate is the Dad charging you?

I make it a flat rate ish 27.5%
Halifax would be charging £150/month at an APR of 4.9%, or £1012 over the 5 years or £16.87/month in interest, whereas the OP at the orignal rate was paying £10200 to borrow £8k or £36.66/ month interest, it all sounds dodgy though cos between it all, he is borrowing £5k or is it £3k? All sounds fishy to me.

barbiedoll

Is any of this set down in writing? Any paper documents or emails stating that you agreed to pay him the "loan" back?

I can't see why he didn't just leave you to pay your credit card debts yourself. I assume that the debts were built up on purchases that were for you and your ex? Maybe you should renegotiate by saying that the debts were also down to her and she should be responsible for half of them? This would leave you with just £500 to pay off.

I'm not sure why you think that you needed to give her £5000 when she had been living at your place rent-free, in return for the price of some groceries each week. I understand that she supported you for a while, early on in your relationship but surely that was her choice? And after all, she did dump you!

I don't see how he can take you to court for this. Paying off an ex to whom you weren't married, and didn't have children with, is bizarre. She may have left the relationship with "nothing to show" but surely that was her choice, what exactly was she expecting? You didn't own property together, you had no financial ties, and you only lived together in your house for what, 18 months or so?

He does sound quite savvy though, at his interest rate, you would have been better off paying off the credit cards, even at their eye-wateringly high rates, they would have been cheaper than borrowing the cash from him! Personally, I think you have been taken for a mug. I'd get together £500, give it to him and tell him to get the rest from his daughter as her share of the CC bills, take it or leave it.

I bet your missus is not happy about this and I can't blame her!

Sprogladite

Yes I have emails stating the amount of the loan - originally at 8k (170pcm) and then acknowledging the reduction in payment after the 5k lump sum was paid (down to 55pcm).

Of course he was not obligated to provide me the loan, it was an opportunity to get me out of a tight spot and it seems (in hindsight) to soften the blow of the relationship ending for his daughter, as well as gain a few £££ though interest. Their family are not short of savings as far as I am aware.

Regarding percentages, they were favorable to my credit card debt - accumulated both in and out of the relationship so this was very much a 'personal' debt not established during our time together. It's basically a 5% loan of 3000 over 5 years (60 months).

The agreement regarding the 5k to my ex partner was verbal. I feel like a complete idiot for agreeing on the 5k payment, was not thinking clearly at the time as I was then newly single after 6 years.

whitewing

If the family is not short of savings, it is because they look after their finances.

I still think £55 a month is not that much to find and you did agree it.
I think whatever you do, you need to come to an agreed arrangement with ex's family over it, or make some kind of arrangement that makes it not worth them chasing you. Give a dignified, clean break.

Sprogladite

I have proposed cancelling the standing order to her father this evening and he disagrees, wants to meet. I have arranged for him to come over tomorrow to discuss the situation, is there anything else that I can do to protect myself during this meeting?