Do you have to be a child's biological parent to be forced to pay child support?

FBaby

He is not the 'ex stepdad'! He is the mother's ex-boyfriend.

I have to say I am speechless at this statement, especially coming from you. Do you mean that the fact it is not his semen that created that child weighs heavier in his role as a father than the fact that he has raised that child as his to the point that the child knows no different?

This so saddens me. If you are not prepared to consider a child who is not biologically yours as if you were adopting them when you start raising them as if they were yours, then don't blur the lines and make it very clear to the mother and more importantly to that child that you are not the father, never will be, and can step out of that role at any time.

I am sure when my father thought for contact with me when he separated from my mother and they fought about access and maintenance, he did so because he had grown attached to me and couldn't bare not seeing me again, not because I share his genes pool.

seven-day-weekend

FBaby wrote: »

I have to say I am speechless at this statement, especially coming from you. Do you mean that the fact it is not his semen that created that child weighs heavier in his role as a father than the fact that he has raised that child as his to the point that the child knows no different?

This so saddens me. If you are not prepared to consider a child who is not biologically yours as if you were adopting them when you start raising them as if they were yours, then don't blur the lines and make it very clear to the mother and more importantly to that child that you are not the father, never will be, and can step out of that role at any time.

I am sure when my father thought for contact with me when he separated from my mother and they fought about access and maintenance, he did so because he had grown attached to me and couldn't bare not seeing me again, not because I share his genes pool.

I mean, he is not the stepdad because he was not married to the mother. That's what makes someone a stepdad. If you are only cohabiting with the child's parent, and you are not their biological parent also, then by law you are not a step-parent. You may love the child and treat her as your own, but that does not make you a stepparent. You have to be married to their parent.

stepfather
ˈstɛpfɑːðə/Submit
noun
a man who is married to one's mother after the divorce of one's parents or the death of one's father.

I feel sorry for the child as this man has obviously been a father figure to her and I hope that one day she has a stable home. I agree that he needs to decide whether he is going to maintain contact or not.

I know you can adopt children, I was adopted myself and then the people who adopted me legally became my mother and father.

It's people calling him the stepfather when legally he wasn't that I am objecting to, not his place in the child's life.

justontime

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

He is not the 'ex stepdad'! He is the mother's ex-boyfriend.

But I do agree with you, the mother should think very carefully before bringing yet another male role model into her household.

Exactly! and I believe he stated in that they had lived as a family for eighteen months, the child is just starting primary school so rising 5. Therefore he has not raised this child he has done his best to be a nurturing influence in her life but I do not see how that creates a legal or moral responsibility to support her financially.

FBaby

It's people calling him the stepfather when legally he wasn't that I am objecting to, not his place in the child's life.

Sorry I misunderstood the meaning of your response, it did surprise me!

Therefore he has not raised this child he has done his best to be a nurturing influence in her life but I do not see how that creates a legal or moral responsibility to support her financia

He let her believe that he was her father all this time, for that, he would have had to go along with her calling her dad. Why oh why doing so if you are not going to take on the role of the father?

My ex was brought up from the age of 9 months by his 'step' mother when his mum ran away. It was made clear to him from the start that she wasn't her mother, althoug she acted as such from the start (and still do so many years down the line). It is a cruel thing to do to a child to be let to believe that someone is your parent if you were never confident that you could act as such for the rest of their lives.

Marisco

justontime wrote: »

Exactly! and I believe he stated in that they had lived as a family for eighteen months, the child is just starting primary school so rising 5. Therefore he has not raised this child he has done his best to be a nurturing influence in her life but I do not see how that creates a legal or moral responsibility to support her financially.

Yes, I picked up on that as well, so unless I've read it wrong, he hasn't been there since day one! Will this woman, who's in another relationship, expect this new man to pay as well if they break up?

seven-day-weekend

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry I misunderstood the meaning of your response, it did surprise me!



He let her believe that he was her father all this time, for that, he would have had to go along with her calling her dad. Why oh why doing so if you are not going to take on the role of the father?

My ex was brought up from the age of 9 months by his 'step' mother when his mum ran away. It was made clear to him from the start that she wasn't her mother, althoug she acted as such from the start (and still do so many years down the line). It is a cruel thing to do to a child to be let to believe that someone is your parent if you were never confident that you could act as such for the rest of their lives.

I don't agree with all these casual relationships if you have children, especially when you have let the child believe that the boyfriend is her father. (The mother as well, not just him). How many more 'daddies' is she going to have?

She should not have been led to believe he was her father, because he isn't. Even if they had a father-daughter relationship and she called him 'daddy', and even if the relationship had lasted, she should always have been aware that he was not her natural parent.

As I mentioned before, I was adopted as a baby, and I don't remember ever not knowing this fact. I was told from a very early age and it has never been a problem to me.

Even though I knew my parents were not my biological parents, and even now I have found my birth mother, my adoptive parents were, and always will be, mum and dad, but I always knew the truth. It is so important.

RIP BIll and Mildred. (mum and dad) xx

FBaby

Totally agree 7dayweek, it is very wrong to build such a lie to a child and the mother is certainly as much at fault for it than him. We don't know how it came about that the daughter was made to believe he was her father, especially if they didn't live together for some time, but ultimately, from what OP has written, it is him who now seems to want out with the ex prepared to agree contact, just expressing her dismay that he thinks it acceptable that he should only contribute £20 a month to be held in a fund.

My feeling is that if you took the decision to act as a father towards a child and let them believe that's what you are, if you decide not to carry out that responsibility, because legally you can, then walk out all the way. Going from believing someone is your parent to them being nothing more than someone who might want to see you there and then is only going to do more damage as the child will probably deep inside still hope for more.

Mojisola

HoneyNutLoop wrote: »

EDIT: "The provisions of Schedule 1 of the Children's Act 1989 can also apply to step-parents where the child has been treated as a child of the family. Schedule 1 is usually invoked where the couple are not married or in a civil partnership. Under this provision, claims can be made for the benefit of the child for: periodical payments, school fees, lump sum(s), settlement of property and/or transfer of property."

And it goes on. This section is near the end of the article. If I were the op, I would be spending 5 mins talking to a solicitor before directing anyone else to do so. It could be she wouldn't stand a chance, given the timescales involved. But an experienced legal professional is the best placed to answer that.

In the light of the above and the fact that they have been living as a family and that the child thinks the OP is her father and that he is planning to put regular savings for her, I would advise legal advice as well.

Batman_100

Hello again.


I know this thread died out a few weeks ago, but I've just read through some of the later posts, and want to ask another quick question.


I've sorted things out with my ex now. She understands that if she tries to take me to court for maintenance she wouldn't have a case. She only threatened me with court action in the heat of the moment.


I've met her new boyfriend a couple of times now and he's a genuinely decent guy who fully supports the idea of me continuing to have contact. My ex let me look after her daughter for a few hours last Saturday afternoon, which we both really enjoyed. Everything seems ok at the moment.


As far as money is concerned, the idea of paying £20 a month was because I thought it would be a token contribution and that because my ex is moving on now with a new man, they'd take on the bulk of the financial responsibilities. I've also been out of work recently and therefore don't have that much cash at hand, and £20 a month isn't set is stone, and probably will increase once my circumstances improve.


I've spoken to my ex about our legal situation and we both understand that she's relying on my good will to pay maintenance and I'm relying on her good will to allow contact.


However, I was wondering, once these payments have continued for a long period of time and in 10 years time (for example) they came to an end for some reason, could my ex then use the fact that these payments have been established for several years to try and get the law on her side and force me to continue paying? Or does the passage of time not have any meaning in law and making payments will always be at my discretion?


It's a scenario I hope will never arise, but I don't want it nagging at the back of my mind either.

FBaby

So glad that you've sorted something out and you continue to have contact with the child. It is without a doubt the best outcome for everyone.

To answer your question, I don't think anyone could tell you as it would be quite specific circumstances and would be judged on this basis. It would be back to her taking you to court and the cost that would ibe involved in doing so with no guarantee whatsoever that she would get anywhere.

I wouldn't worry about it and take it as it comes. Who knows what the future will bring, for all you know, maybe in 10 years time, she will be asking to move in with you!