Family politics argh!

lindabelle66

My htb and I want to get married in 2015 (his first, my second)


How do we get around not upsetting people we don't want to invite (who will probably expect an invite) and also not upsetting other family members because we havnt invited certain people? We would like a very low key intimate wedding and probably less than 15 guests, its not a numbers issue, more that we just don't want certain people there.


The ones we don't want to invite are very close relations - has anyone pulled this off without creating bigger rifts please?


Thanks

Jo_F

Got married in May this year, his first my second.

The guest list comprised of
His mum
My 2 kids + daughter's boyfriend.
ex brother in law and his partner
best man was a friend of us both
one of his friends (along with wife and child)

That was it, didn't even mention to my family it was happening, not that it was a secret as it was splashed all over facebook, but I don't get on with my siblings or parents and didn't want them there.

4 months on I still haven't got round to telling them.

Best thing to do is keep it quiet, then when you are ready, bring the ones you want to invite into the 'secret' telling them not to spread it about, if they are not happy about certain people not being invited, tell them that they either go along with your plans or you will withdraw their invite.

Be firm, it's your day.

[Deleted User]

We did this when we got married 3 years ago. It was my second marriage and my husband's first. We only wanted something really small. We agreed that we would only invite people who had been part of our relationship from the start and knew us both.

Some of my friends were a bit off to start with but I jollied them along and agreed to a big Hen Do - we had a fabulous burlesque evening at a girlfriend's house with about 20 of us.

On the day we had my mum and aunt and uncle, my 3 children and their partners and 5 sets of friends - 2 of my OH's and 3 of mine - there were 22 of us in total. We had a lovely service then a sit down meal in a room we hired in a local restaurant - we all sat round one table. I can honestly say it was a wonderful day - much nicer than my first wedding with loads of people I hardly knew!

We got married in the city where my OH lived which is about 40 miles away from my family and I think that helped as it was also 2 days before christmas. My friends arranged a party of their own and 'toasted me'. I put a few photos on FB as soon as I could. Everyone understood in the end - I haven't lost any friends!

ellay864

When we got married, 2nd time round for both of us, we had our mums (neither of our dads still with us), my kids his kids, my brother, his sister each with their partners. We invited no other family at all but the rest of the numbers (only to about 40) were all close friends we have more to do with than family. And because we live nowhere near family, none of them even came to the evening do., There was no bad feeling, they just recognised it was our day and up to us what we did on it

Islandmaid

TypoWe got married 3 weeks ago - we wanted to spend our time ( and money) on people we spend our time with ie our friends.

Including us there were 20 people, us 2, my 3 kids, my mum, his mum and 2 of his siblings (not partners) the rest were friends, this left out a majority of our family including my brother, 2 sisters and their families, and one of his sisters - we had an amazing day with more of our friends joining us in the evening - there were family grumbles at first, but we stuck to our guns and wouldn,t have changed a thing

Registry office, restaurant lunch for 20 - ditched the olds , then partied all night with our friends - perfect.......

Andy_89

My and my OH's approach is simple. It's our wedding, if you're unhappy about not being invited. Pay for yourself, if you're still not happy do not turn up at all.

lindabelle66

Thanks everyone for your replies


Each of you has had what sound like wonderful weddings done how you wanted, so I hope my OH and I can stick to our guns as you have done




L

Mojisola

lindabelle66 wrote: »

How do we get around not upsetting people we don't want to invite (who will probably expect an invite) and also not upsetting other family members because we havnt invited certain people?

You can't control other people's reactions. All you can do is arrange the day as you both want it - anyone who is upset by your plans for your day will have to get over themselves.