10 years of money stress and debt! Time for a change.

emm85

Hi,

I'm hoping by keeping this diary I will finally make a permanent change in my financial situation. I pretty much got into debt the second i turned 18 and was REALLY stupid with money, i never thought twice about store cards/catalogues for new clothes, credit cards and overdraft for nights out etc, I also took out a high interest loan and pretty much blew that.

It was a slippery slope from there and ever since i have got myself into debt to pay off other debt and so that i could survive till the end of the month. Bar the first few care free years of adulthood where i thought it wouldn't catch up with me i cannot remember a time when money (or lack of) hasn't been a stress in my life.

We have 2 kids now and life only gets more expensive! I am currently in a cycle of borrowing payday loans every single month to make up the shortfall, I just paid back £180 and i already know i don't have enough money to make it to the end of the month unless i seriously cut back as much as possible. I have to get out of this cycle!! I live in my overdraft and one of my credit cards has been over the limit for about a million years, i take 1 step forward and 2 back when i make a payment. We owe my partners dad about £8000 and even though that debt doesn't incur interest and stuff, it's probably the worst debt, i feel 'owned' and under the thumb by owing it. I hate the digs and being made to feel like some sort of low life beggar when i can't pay one month.

I deal with all the finances and my partner doesn't really know what money is owed where so i feel like the stress (and blame) is always on my shoulders.

I have to be honest, even with all of this i am still stupid with money!! Not in the sense that i buy lots of expensive, nice new things but i waste it. Instead of properly meal planning and budgeting i seem to spend half my life in the shop after the school run topping up something for tea and what should be 1 ingredient or something turns into 20 quid spent by the time i get to the till. Sometimes i do things i know i shouldn't like i'll buy the kids a new toy or something because i feel guilty about not being able to treat them and i shut that voice out that tells me by wasting money now i am just dragging out this life of money worries and ultimatley making it worse for my kids!

Wow i feel like a massive idiot and an irresponsible parent reading all this back.

It's changing today, I can't live this way anymore. Time to wake up, smell the coffee and stop chucking the unopened bank statement in the drawer!

Engleburt

Things can only get better once you have everything added up and out in the open.

I know what you mean about treating the kids, and the supermarket after the school run!

Historybuff

Hi emm. Now you have accepted there is a problem, you will be able to get down to sorting out a solution. My advice would be to ring one of the debt charities, Stepchange or National Debtline.
Like you, I have been in debt the whole of my adult life. It takes a huge weight off your shoulders to speak openly about it and know you are on the way to addressing it. Good luck!

National_Debtline

Hi Emm

Good to hear from you. It's not easy to come out and admit that one is struggling, so well done on that.

The important thing is that while tackling the debts may be a gradual process, you can start making headway in the right direction immediately. I would suggest giving yourself a simple, achievable to-do list of two or three tasks this week that will get you going. In no particular order:

- listing your household's income and outgoings (be as brutally honest with yourself as you can!) There are lots of useful templates around - you can find ours at https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/steps/step2/Pages/Step_2_11.aspx

- apply for a basic bank account somewhere you don't owe any money, even an overdraft. This should then be treated as your account for essential living costs and ring-fenced purely for that.

- as Historybuff suggests above, get in touch with a debt charity for a confidential and non-judgmental chat. We or StepChange would be very happy to hear from you.

Good luck!

Dennis
Twitter: @natdebtline

emm85

Thank you for the kind replies everyone. I will definitely get on to one of the organisations mentioned. I have worked out a strict budget for the rest of the month and pay day is earlier than usual this month so i am hoping this will all help. I also had a complete no spend day yesterday and that will be the first of many!

emm85

So I can tell that this week is going to be a struggle. I am trying to keep my spending as low as possible and literally only buy stuff we really need. I have also put a few things on ebay so that I can have a bit of spare cash to pay the bills with. I do feel positive though, I just keep thinking it is better to struggle and pay it off now than to stay in this cycle.

New_me_2014

Good luck with your journey.
I feel exactly like you do about spending money on my kids so you are not alone. Just think how fab it will feel to be able to buy your kids stuff and Not feel guilty about it when you are debt free.........that is one of my biggest motivations to get rid of what's left of our debt ASAP.

DawnW

Honestly, DO get in touch with one of the debt charities, Stepchange or National Debtline. Their help will lift a huge weight off your shoulders.

Take care x

emm85

Thank you, I'm really glad i did this, it's nice to know other people 'get' where you are. I managed to make a small extra payment off my credit card today, it all helps! I also found some really good budget recipes on some parenting websites to help with meal planning.

If anyone's interested we had this last night and it cost me about £4 to make (i used bacon,onion and mushrooms for filling) it was lovely, filled up all 4 of us! even the kids ate it.

oven omelette
3-5 eggs
2-3 tbsp milk
cheddar cheese
fillings - add to taste: ham or tuna, onions, peppers, sweetcorn etc
Mix the milk and eggs together and add the grated cheese. Add the same ingredients you like in omelettes/quiches.

Put the mix into a casserole dish and bake for 180 C/Gas 4 for about 20-30 mins. Eat hot or cold with salad and bread.