Advice for Getting Out of Debt

ldhme

Baileyborough wrote: »

Thanks guys.

Retepetsir, not to get too into it, but yes. Basically, my fiancee is a wonderful person who can actually manage money. I cannot. This came out that she was working super hard, doing extra shifts etc to save, while I was trying to pay off my debts. After all that, I didn't actually make any dent due to not managing spending, which understandably didin't go well. So, the decision was I would give her 500 a month out of my pay for wedding fund, and work through my debts. I don't think I could manage to sit down and explain that those debts have grown worse in the time since.

This might sound very strange or silly, apologies.

That seems unreasonable to me, being proactive about paying off debts is as important as saving in my eyes. But then I am a third party with an entirely different viewpoint on debt, made many mistakes along the way.
It sounds like she's abandoned you to deal with "your" problems, yet when you marry her, or in reality even now, they are also hers.

Ilona

Hi. If this lady is to become your wife, you should be starting to work together as an equal partnership. If you are paying £500 a month to the wedding fund, I assume she is paying the same. What kind of wedding is she planning for you both that is going to cost massive amounts of money? Has she included you in her plans, have you talked together about the type of wedding you both want, or does she just expect you to cough up and pay for whatever she plans?

You need to pay off your debts first, let her scream and kick, this is something you should man up to and do it for yourself. Push the wedding date back until you have no debt, then you start out on equal footing. Best of luck
Ilona

ChopinonaBudget

Baileyborough wrote: »

Thanks guys.

my fiancee (...)can actually manage money. I cannot.

So, the decision was I would give her 500 a month out of my pay for wedding fund, and work through my debts.

So your fiancee, knowing you struggle with money management, made the brilliant decision to take away a £500 buffer and put that in a savings account even though you were previously getting into more and more debt with this buffer?

I assume at no point did you two sit down and work out a proper budget? You were just left with £500 a month less and left to get on with it?

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound very supportive and, to be honest, not a very bright thing for her to have done under the circumstances.

I'll echo the others and say you need to talk to her. Urgently.

retepetsir

So at the moment your debts look to be around £2400. If you didn't pay that £500 towards the wedding, you could pay that outstanding debt off in around 6 months (maybe a little more, to leave you with a little each month and not get into further debt). To me it seems the better option. THEN you can start saving for the wedding. It might be worth being open about everything although I know its not easy.

Baileyborough

Thank you for your input guys. I would ask not to be too harsh on her, as I can vouch for her not being unreasonable here, but I can see from the limited information it would appear so.

I'll speak to her about throwing 500 or so at the debt for a month or two, I think with that and trying to minimise "stupid" small spends on my part, that should hopefully help a lot. It's frustrating as I know that if I was debt free (big if, I realise), I could potentially throw 700 or so at savings easy, with some practice.

Thanks again, and I'll try to throw up a SOA to get some advice (I have a good idea of where some/a lot of my money is going - poor impulse control and a habit of buying lunch), everything would help.

ChopinonaBudget

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/demotivator/

Stick your lunch spends into this... It's scary how much we waste on stuff like lunches out or coffees!

I added up how much I was beginning to spend on just not being bothered to pack a lunch and I instantly quit....

Good luck

Baileyborough

Oh god.

I think I'm going for a lie down now.

ChopinonaBudget

Baileyborough wrote: »

Oh god.

I think I'm going for a lie down now.

Hey, don't worry it's all fixable

Onwards and upwards, and at least you have some idea from that as to where your money is frittering away to...

I bought a Tupperware box, a thermos flask and a kids water bottle. Best investments EVER.

Try to look to the positives... By finding out where you've been spending in wrong places, at least you can adjust your spending. It's a good thing, so don't beat yourself up


(And we've all been where you are right now... That "oh god" feeling, it's horrible, but the feeling when you have a working budget and make your first repayments is BRILLIANT)

leicestersq

Baileyborough,


when you get a chance, do that Statement of Account.


If your fianc!e is a savvy as you say that she is, then she would welcome seeing it. It would help you both understand your money situation far better. You will learn an enormous amount just by completing it.


And again, if she is as financially savvy as you say that she is, she would recommend returning the money you already saved to clear the debts, as you would be better off due to the interest saved.

xbethanyx

If going to her and discussing is an issue for you, then go to her with what you propose you are going to do. I found by telling my husbun what I was going to do rather than discussing was much better. He then could see I was doing what I said I would and gives me money for starbucks as a treat at work as he can see I am trying 100%! (starbucks was a big waste for me everyday... and was the hardest to stop!)