Payplan DMP and Relationship Breakdown

MadelinesMum

Hi all, hope you are well.

My partner of 23 yrs left me a few months ago. We have a joint Payplan DMP which ex has been paying. My debts on the plan add up to about £6k and his are about £12K. I want to end the joint claim and start paying mine off but ex reckons if we do that his payments will go up astronomically because he is no longer paying for the family.

I'm unsure what to do but I know it can't stay as a joint claim because we don't live together and are not financially attached anymore.

Any advice greatly received x

CKhalvashi

If you are living separately, he will have his own living costs to consider on his SOA.

Eg: You live together, his income is £1k a month, yours £2k, living costs £2k = £1k a month to DMP.

You live separately, your living costs £1500, his £750, you should pay £500 a month, he should pay £250.

Very simplistic eample above, but in my experience of administering others DMP's, this is the way it's gone.

CK

Kate_fixing_it

He can't have it all ways! I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation but why should you have to pay for his debt and support the family?

You say he left. Is he paying any maintenance due? You both have living costs and you both have debts. I'm assuming at present you both contribute to DMP payments, what if he stops? Are you willing to suffer?

If you don't wish to be financially linked then the DMP needs to be separate.

His payment won't be "astronomical". It'll be a fair assessment of what he can afford, as will yours. I don't wish to come across as harsh but if the relationship is truly over then you need a clean break and a fresh start and you can't do that if you continue to pay the DMP jointly.

Kate x

MadelinesMum

Hi, thanks for that. I think he pays about £350 at the moment, about 2 yrs into a 7 yr plan. He earns about £40k, is living with his mother and only sporadically pays child maintenance.

I'm on benefits, as middle daughter has health problems and needs a carer. I'm paying the mortgage on the property I'm living in with the children. I can definitely afford the payments as they are at the moment (£15 and £53). Do you think my payments will go up drastically?

CKhalvashi

MadelinesMum wrote: »

Hi, thanks for that. I think he pays about £350 at the moment, about 2 yrs into a 7 yr plan. He earns about £40k, is living with his mother and only sporadically pays child maintenance.

I'm on benefits, as middle daughter has health problems and needs a carer. I'm paying the mortgage on the property I'm living in with the children. I can definitely afford the payments as they are at the moment (£15 and £53). Do you think my payments will go up drastically?

If that's all you can afford, it's all you can afford.

Assuming he pays 5% into a pension pot, his take-home will be hovering IRO £2380 a month. With these living circumstances (even to take into account he may pay £400 for boarding and £250 for work travel in a month), I feel his payments can (and would) go up siginficantly assuming no other major outgoings.

It's completely unfair for him to live well, whilst he's leaving you struggling, and even more unfair for him to complain about paying more.

I don't often give personal opinion on morals, but (as a man), he has made me feel a little annoyed.

Kate_fixing_it

Having read your other posts I am annoyed with him too. He clearly hasn't had a LBM. He sounds like a spoilt brat! If he truly wanted the debt gone he'd not be worrying about what the payments would be, he'd be sticking to a budget and getting rid as fast as possible. He needs a swift boot up the backside and to grow up!

Who is your DMP with? I highly recommend stepchange, they will ensure your priority bills are paid and what's left goes towards paying down debt.

Why not fill in the SOA. It'll give you a good idea of where you stand (and I suspect you'll find you are financially better off without him) and what you can afford towards clearing your debt.

I also think his maintenance is a bit on the low side. £87 per month per child on a £40k income?!? My ex was told to pay almost that on half the salary (until he started producing more children - but that's a whole other story )

If he's moved back to his mum's would you be able to ask her to act as a mediator? Is she charging him anything to stay there? Perhaps the answer to the second question is why he thinks his repayments will increase so much.

Kate x

MadelinesMum

CKhalvashi wrote: »

I don't often give personal opinion on morals, but (as a man), he has made me feel a little annoyed.

I could tell you a lot more but I'm sure it would only make you even more annoyed.

I'm supposed to be an educated person but after 23 yrs have only now realised how trodden on and used I was.

I'm definitely the loser in this tale

Kate_fixing_it

MadelinesMum wrote: »

I'm definitely the loser in this tale

Absolutely not! You are here looking for a solution and a way to continue living and looking after your children. He is sitting in his mother's house thinking of ways to get out of his responsibilities.

In the long term you win. The children will see you worked at it and got through and were there for them whereas he ran away.

Going by your other posts there's already been a very large amount thrown into that hole. Cut the apron strings and look after yourself and your children. Call your DMP provider in the morning and talk it through with them. They'll be able to advise you best as they know the situation.

You can't change the past no matter how much you worry about it but you can learn from it and use it to create a better future.

Kate x

homemademama

I can't comment specifically as to how the debts would work out but from experience of relatioship ending I would say make a clean break! Don't be financially linked with him, if he decides to stop paying all of a sudden or gets a new girlfriend etc you would potentially be dropped in it.

If he isn't even paying child maintenance regularly, why should you care if his payments go up? It doesn't affect you or the money he gives you in the long run. Don't do him any favours.

Hope you get this sorted and keep your chin up