Do I need to tell my wife any more details?

midlander81

Thanks for all of the comments folks. I decided to bring it up last night and we spoke for a little bit about the debt. She isn't worried about it all as long as its getting paid and is reducing ( which it is). I did suggest that I could print off a copy of our credit reports but she said that there was no need for that and she was happy for me to carry on dealing with it.


We didn't discuss exact figures but I no longer feel that I am keeping her in the dark and I will definitely give her the periodic updates that others have suggested.


Thanks again

SOMam

Great to hear midlander. It is amazing how discussing something makes it easier to deal with

NatCat

I'm glad you raised it with your wife. It sounds to me that you've taken the responsibility and feel most to blame for your current debts.

Your wife is happy to let you take the lead but I think she needs to know how worried you are and help if nothing else share the burden/worry.

After all, whilst you are talking about how much debt is in your name versus hers. In reality you're married so the debt really belongs to both of you equally.

catriona79

Hello

Just a brief post, I have to say I was reading through the responses and waiting for someone like Anoneemoose...

I found it strange as my gut feeling is that it's perhaps not fair to you (since you obviously worry about the debt so much) to be having to handle it by yourself. You say your wife is a worrier, hence you want to shelter her, which is very noble and loving. I do, however, feel that if she were a worrier, then she would like to know the full extent of things in order to help you out, because surely having you alone under stress from managing family debt puts you in a more precarious situation.

Judging from your post you feel that it is your responsibility to handle the debt by yourself, but it also seems that you would genuinely benefit from sharing it with your wife. As noble as your actions are, you are not superhuman and you are allowed to feel scared/ overwhelmed by the situation too.

So, while you have thought of her and your family, perhaps think also of what you need and ask your wife to share your problem and give you some support and reassurance. It seems that you have a loving relationship, so it's unlikely that she would want you to be under all the pressure without wanting to share in it?

As for the debt, it does seem to me it is joint, even if in your name.

I used to be married and my husband took care of our finances too. It was blissful having that wonderful support, but when we broke up and I had to do it all by myself, it felt good and empowering! Maybe your wife will feel like that too, given an opportunity.

If I have misunderstood the situation, then please ignore all of the above.

Good luck and chin up!