ex made redundant (?)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Hi,

Not sure what to do. I doubt I can do anything so this is more of a rant than anything but any helpful advice would be great.

I have a DD (under the age of 10) with my ex. When we broke up he was seeing DD regularly, until he met his now wife when the access dwindled off (His wife gave reasons she didn’t want him seeing DD, He agreed not to see DD and in my opinion should have manned up but he didn’t so theres no point in blaming anyone other than him)

Anyway – He was paying me maintenance direct, then the wife said he was paying too much (or at least that is what he told me....) so the maintenance stopped. I took him through CSA (He ended up paying me more maintenance) and that was that for the past 4 years.

Now his job gives him guaranteed overtime in the summer, so usually, I will call in June for a review when he is having his OT, then drop is down again in Nov when his wages drop which I thought was a fair thing to do.

Through the years he’s gotten married, taken on his partners child, and they have had 2 more together (twins). All the while, he does not see our daughter (through his choice) and DD has never met her siblings (but is aware of them)

Anyway, I called CSA, as usual to have a review in June and after a while the CSA told me he couldn’t be contacted. They said they would try again before writing to his employer. Anyway, they managed to speak to him on Monday and he said he would hand the documents in that they were requesting.

He then called back on Tuesday and said he had lost his job. Now This I find suspicious, we work in the same sort of industry and I know that the company he works for has recently expended, and due to his skilled profession and what he does in that company I find it odd they have made him redundant but stranger things have happened right?

Then the CSA said that he doesn’t know when he is being made redundant, has no documentation from his employer to state redundancy etc which again, I think is odd.

The evil in me thinks that he is becoming a stay at home dad, his wife’s now returning to work, they can’t afford the childcare for the 2 extra children they have, they aren’t entitled to tax credits because of their income so one of them has decided to stay at home (him) and because of that they don’t have to pay the additional maintenance because he isn’t earning. (CSA said if he isn’t working and he doesn’t qualify or sign on then DD isn’t entitled to anything)

Now – this doesn’t affect much directly – The maintenance money gets put into a bank account for DD (But he doesn’t know this) – This is something I cannot do for her now.

I realise that yes, the wife shouldn’t be liable for any previous children – but I think it’s wrong that he can stay at home and not provide for his existing child through choice (If that’s what it is)

Anyway – like i said, this is more of a rant. I shouldn’t have been surprised really.

I was wondering whether to move the case from the CSA to the CMS for future – if he decides to return to work is the CMS more fairer / more reliable? I cant possibly see him being out of work for years but he’s hardly likely to tell me / CSA. Doesnt the CMS go from P60’s?

Anyway – thanks for reading.

jacklink

there maybe redundancy due but maybe he doesn't no yet, or maybe he is a stay at home dad, there's nothing wrong with that in this day and age, are you a stay at home mum ? equal rights remember.

in addition i cannot imagine a woman saying to a man your not to see your daughter for no reason (just my opinion). and i find it really sad that little twins have not met their sister, yet. but i dare say in the future they will.

take care

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

jacklink wrote: »

there maybe redundancy due but maybe he doesn't no yet, or maybe he is a stay at home dad, there's nothing wrong with that in this day and age, are you a stay at home mum ? equal rights remember.

in addition i cannot imagine a woman saying to a man your not to see your daughter for no reason (just my opinion). and i find it really sad that little twins have not met their sister, yet. but i dare say in the future they will.

take care

Sorry jacklink - I haven't been online for a bit (or at least on this board)


I never said there is anything wrong with being a stay at home dad... I do however think there's something very wrong with not supporting (financially and emotionally) your child though through choice. Why should one parent, whether it be the mother or the father, have to provide for the child whilst the other does nothing?

He's stated he "has been made redundant" - That's not redundancy's due etc. Funnily enough he still hasn't produced an end date or any paperwork yet.

And no, I'm not a stay at home mum I work very hard to provide the lifestyle I want my children to have.

I'm a great believer in Equal rights... I provide for our child, therefore as her other "equal" parent he should also provide right?

I have no idea what the reasoning is for him not seeing his daughter - he never gives me a solid reason other than to blame his wife (who probably, for all purposes, doesn't know he is blaming her) - I know she dislikes him seeing our child (and has made it difficult for him to see our daughter in the past) but i'm not sure if she's ever said "you can't" - I only have his say so. You would think, that any sane person would say "well no, that's my child and I'm going to see her" but he hasn't.

I have no say in whether our child meets her siblings or not. I have no form of contact for her father (he ignores any phone calls - the last time I called him was to inform him our child had been rushed to hospital, he never bothered calling back but texted me the following day to say he couldn't come to the hospital because he was in bed with his wife so I no longer bother contacting him via telephone) and I do not know where he lives - All my solicitor letters supporting his access previously went to his work, all I might add were ignored, this will now not be able to happen if he has been made redundant.

And no doubt our child will want to see her father when she is older, and I'll support that when that day comes. But should she ever ask "why didn't he see me" I'll not be able to answer that for her.

But thanks anyway!

quidsy

I was under the impression that CSA takes into account new spouces earnings? if not, what are you expecting, to get some of his redundancy money? If he has got a pay out, seek legal advice as to whether you can claim part against loss of maintenaince.

He sounds like a total twot tbh & as your daughter gets no emotional support from him I would see this as a clean break & continue providing for your child as best you can

quidsy

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

And no doubt our child will want to see her father when she is older, and I'll support that when that day comes. But should she ever ask "why didn't he see me" I'll not be able to answer that for her.

You don't have to, just be honest & tell her you don't know why but he was given plenty of chances.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

quidsy wrote: »

I was under the impression that CSA takes into account new spouces earnings? if not, what are you expecting, to get some of his redundancy money? If he has got a pay out, seek legal advice as to whether you can claim part against loss of maintenaince.

He sounds like a total twot tbh & as your daughter gets no emotional support from him I would see this as a clean break & continue providing for your child as best you can

Nope, the CSA informed me that they don’t take spouses income into account (And to be honest I wouldn’t expect his spouse to pay for our child) – I’ve been told if he signs on job seekers then DD is entitled to £5 a week. If he doesn’t sign on and becomes a stay at home parent then DD isn’t entitled to anything.

Of course I don’t want him to give DD any of his redundancy pay – He’s going to need that after all. I just disagree that he can decide to become a stay at home parent being supported by his wife and not have to contribute to the upbringing of our child. If he remained in work, and I chose to be a "stay at home mum" he would probably also have the same grumble I'm having now. I think they should at least take the WTC / CTC in to account but because his wife will be the "breadwinner" they are classed her "her income"


If he was genuine - having contact and was then made redundant I probably wouldn't be moaning about his maintenance, at least she would have the emotional support. But he gives her nothing, but quite happily brags to mutual friends about the vacation he has had, or what he has bought his "kids" for Christmas (When our's didn't even get a card...)


He wasn't always like this either, I was with him for 5 years before DD came along. It's amazing how people change over the years - Had you of told me all those years ago he would effectively "abandon" our child I'd of called you a liar.

quidsy wrote: »

You don't have to, just be honest & tell her you don't know why but he was given plenty of chances.

I know - in one aspect I hope that day never comes though, how can you tell someone their dad doesn't want to see them and you don't know why


EDIT: Luckily I'm in a good financial position so this wont have an affect on DD. The money, as mentioned ^^ went into a savings account for her. By cutting down on things (food shopping for example) I should still be able to save for her (Ok, probably not the same amount but something is better than nothing right)


It's not "me" he is ultimatley getting at. It's DD... Again