Spending my dash more wisely while clearing the debt to do so

chevalier

Welcome to the boards
I would suggest that you need to sit down as a family and really think about the money. I would NEVER begrudge you seeing the family abroad, but you have to factor that in to your budget and what you are going to do as a family to raise the money.

So my thoughts
You mention OH's contribution to the joint account. Does that mean he earns more than this? If you are putting in your whole 1900 then why is OH paying less?

You mention that your two adult children are not paying anything into the household? That is very generous but not practical. If they are both students then the loans they have have a accommodation component, that they would be paying to someone else if they were living elsewhere. Therefore they should be paying you something. You can't afford to be this generous sorry.

Likewise their mobiles. If they want contract phone, then they can earn the money to pay for them. Once they reach 18 it is their responsibility to take over these contracts, so a) they start learning financial responsibility (if they run out of credit then that is a lesson in planning they have to learn) and b) it starts building up a credit history for themselves.

If they 'really' can't afford to pay you anything of monetary value, then they should pay you in kind instead. So you already have 3 chores that are costing you money that they could do, bin cleaning, window cleaning and keeping the garden tidy (by the way you can often pick up lawn mowers on freecyle, or freegle or gumtree for nothing, and how many months of the gardener would it cost to get one of the mowers fixed?)

Ref the 700 council tax. If your child is a student, he must be intelligent. Therefore I am sure he is capable of finding out what needs to be done and getting it done. If he waits until you get back, he might pass a deadline that costs hime more money. It is probably all a mistake, but it is for him to follow up.

Re the car. If you are putting in 100, surely you ex can be big enough to match this? He wouldn't want to look cheap would he. And if YOU can't afford a new car, then grow a pair and tell your daughter that. You have to be financially realistic, and going along with the ex's grandiose plans for a new car isn't doing this. And he is manipulating you too, by trying to make you look mean if you don't go along. Not nice of him so don't play.

I am not sure how many people you are feeding for 500, is that 8? If so that probably isn't too bad actually. I spent about 250 when I was in the UK, and you are feeding another 2 adults too. Again this is another chore that your older kids can do. Cooking or doing the shopping (to a list of course).

The thing I don't get is that you are about 200 adrift on your SOA but then you have debt repayments on top of this which takes you to 1300 adrift. This would seems to be unsustainable, but perhaps I have misunderstood? If I haven't then hopefully a more detailed SOA will either show you some wiggle room, or else show the rest of the family that you will need to cut your cloth to your budget. I would imagine that you can't remortgage again, and indeed it would be unwise as interest rates are almost certain to start going up in the next 12 months.

Sorry this has been a bit of an essay, but I think you are doing a grand job of shielding the family, but this is no longer helpful
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Nintud

Thank you chevalier you are completely right, our current finances are unsustainable. Our heads currently float above the surface purely because we had about £9000 left over from the remortgage and that has paid the overspend since January plus I examined gcses and A levels so made another £2500. Last summer dh took out a loan to pay for our wedding and to consolidate some credit cards (I paid my examining fees towards the wedding, total cost including dress etc came out at about £9500 between us). The £9k left from the remortgage ( first joint mortgage as it was my house and my mortgage bill until we married) was supposed to cover his loan as well as my credit cards but didn't, therefore he pays the loan from his own account (hence he does not match my contribution to the joint account) plus he pays maintenance for his 17 year old son.

My eldest daughter contributed briefly (3 months in 18!) but I haven't taken housekeeping from her for the majority of the time because she starts teacher training in September and needed to save for her car insurance, petrol, textbooks etc as her loan is very small. She works for a retailer (big blue box that people get lost in!) that feeds it's employees for 30p so she eats her main meal at work (hence current low food bill) and she often buys her own food for home because of the odd shifts she works. To give her her due, she's 'part-time' but often works 40+ hour weeks. She also wants to continue working there 15 hours per week whilst doing her teacher training and is taking considerable convincing that this is not viable when she factors in all the planning, marking and essay writing that a student teacher has to do.

Eldest son has applied for 40+ part time jobs and not even been interviewed. He is desperate to earn his own money and is taking some convincing not to quit uni and take up an accountancy apprenticeship. He had 3 apprenticeship interviews last month and did not get offered a place but is now doing two online courses in management accounting and book keeping to show his commitment (I paid for the courses, despite my preference that he stays at uni) I want him to finish his last year at uni' it's 8.5 months and the real reason for him wanting to leave is a disagreement with his housemates, he still enjoys his course.

As for his student loan, after paying his rent he had £21 left in his first time last year and not much more for the second term, but around £300 for the summer term. I give him £25 per week for food and an attempt at a social life (thankfully he doesn't drink - too much into the body beautiful!) and I pay for his books and summer rent (this was the last year of that) and his travel expenses to come home once a month or so.

Ds1 pays for her own contract phone, ds2 will be switched to payg when his contract expires in October, as will dd2 and myself. Ds1's contract is in his name (to build credit history) but the payment comes out if my account. He never goes over his £25.50 per month fee, dd2 is the culprit there!

I like the payment in kind idea and have utilised it. Dd1 and ds1 (and since she finished her gcse's and has been off school dd2) take turns to take dd3 to school. This saves me £3 per day breakfast club fees. Dd1 will continue to do this in September until he returns to uni (fingers crossed that he does) and dd2 will do it on days that she has late college starts. This will save me £5.50 as ds4 starts school in September and I will have two lots of breakfast club fees to fund (but no nursery fees - yippee!)

Unfortunately I need to maintain the after school club as they have a waiting list for places and I daren't risk losing our places if circumstances change and I have no one to pick up. Breakfast club is a payg arrangement.

Ds1 'should' be painting the garden fence and clearing the bushes from the back garden whilst I am away. I will start up the lawn mowers when I get home. It is quite possible that they are fixable... But dh loathes mowing

Nintud

Realised I didn't respond to all Chevalier's points (the pool was too big a draw!)

My ex is most certainly manipulating the situation. He rarely helps older offspring financially so I'm afraid his apparent generosity will be grasped at by dd1. There will be strings attached to his offer. He will feel no obligation to match my contribution (long history of financial disagreement including him being laughed out of CSA tribunal.... According to the judge, if you choose to dry clean a school blazer and have a child's haircut whilst they are with you, this cannot be deducted from maintenance payments because... Surprise, surprise... Your csa payments have already been reduced in proportion to the time you have the children and with the expectation that you will be spending some money on them while they are in your care.... Sigh... Thankfully that ended the regular forwarding of receipts for money spent on the kids and matching reductions in child maintenance). Anyway, the less I ponder the ex the happier I am so we'll leave it at... He's meddling away on the horizon and I'll try not to get into a situation where I pick up the pieces. As far as I know, dd1 has not bought a new car yet (she's not commented on fb about it anyway).

Ds1 has painted the fence and finished both online accounting/book keeping courses and is complaining of being bored. When at uni he does casual work for a property maintenance company. He tidies gardens and paints a few walls. Nothing too skilled but enough to keep him occupied and to bring in an occasional income. I think I'll let him loose on some interior paintwork when I get home. Hopefully that will cure his boredom or convince him to keep shtum about it in the future!

Dh returns home tomorrow (I am moving out of our rental apartment and into my parent's apartment with the two littlies for another 9 days). No doubt he will report back on the state of the house and I'll then know what chores to harangue ds1 and dd1 about. One chore I won't hand over though is grocery shopping. List or no list, the bill is always higher if I take any of the four oldest offspring! :rotfl:

Nintud

Dd1 is now the proud owner of an Adam. I have no idea how she plans to fund this purchase. I was not involved in the purchase and do not know whether she has factored in £100 per month from me when she bought it. Consultation would have been nice, particularly if it's going to delay my debt free day. Trying not to seeth. She's an adult and can face the financial consequences herself. I feel like the ex has waited for me to leave the country before convincing her (not hard) to purchase a new (ish - ex demonstrator I think) car when I wanted her to get a 3 year old vehicle.
Must try harder not to see this in terms of ex getting his own way.

Going to flop on a sunbed with a book for a while then swim out my frustration when I can't stand the heat anymore.

Nintud

No longer seething. Her Dad has paid £1000 towards the deposit and so has she. He's also paying £50 per month for the first year and I'll pay the other £100 per month for a year. As of September next year she's on her own with it. It's the demonstrator model with less than 1500 miles on the clock, lifetime warranty and full year's tax.

All in all I'm happy she has a reliable car and delighted ex has helped her to get it.

Off out with Mum today to buy a fan for her bedroom. The ceiling fan is doing little to alleviate the night time heat and she doesn't want the cost of constant air con. Dd2 wants to go shoe shopping now that she's heard there's a sale on. I've allotted dd2 and ds2 20 euro spending money each week. We're in our third week now and neither has claimed their spends (nanny and Grandad gave them some money when we arrived so they've been purchasing sweets and ice cream with that). Both children also exchanged a few pounds before we came out so they have quite a few euro to spend should they wish to.

Not long until GCSE results day. I'm hoping it's going to cost me lots of money! I promised dd2 money for grades (I did this with dd1 and ds1 too). £20 for an A*, £10 for an A, reducing in £2 increments down to £2 for an E. This is one thing I want to fork out LOTS of cash on !!

Nintud

Time for an update and loads has happened.

Ds1 has been offered and accepted an accounts assistant apprenticeship. Four days at work 9-5 and one day at college. Previous students have won lots of awards so I know he'll get a good training. He intends to defer his last year at uni and then decide whether to return to his original course or make up the third year credits part-time at a local uni.

It's not what I want but it's also not my decision to make.

As far as it impacts on us financially;
I will no longer have to give him £25 per week, pay for books, travel and other odds and ends (which included a trip to Normandy last year).
He will pay me £25 per week whilst training (which will cover the £100 per month to his sister for her car - I'll feed him, he'll clothe himself). When his phone contract ends in October he can take it over or go payg, the decision will be his.

Other consequences of having him home full time;
He currently chooses to sleep on the conservatory sofa. This cannot continue. He will have to move into the spare bed in his little brothers' room. Ds2 has GCSE's this year, dd1 teacher training and dd2 AS levels, I will not make them swap rooms. Ds2 plans to move to his Dad's for college so the room swaps can happen then. He currently spends 4 nights per week at his Dads during rugby season (that's where the team he plays for is located) so I am expecting some resistance from ds1 because he will see an unused room and complain that he has to share. However, ds2 will need so we here to revise when he is with me so I'm not moving on that one.

Second consequence is the potential for sibling conflict. Ds1 clashes with all of his siblings. I'm not looking forward to the conflict management that lies ahead.

Third consequence could be more positive. With all 6 offspring at home long term I intend to draw up a chores chart. Ds1 gets lawn mowing!

Nintud

Happy to report that I've paid £50 off my Nationwide CC. Will try to pay more off next week when I've sat down with pen, paper and bills and worked through what we actually spend each month. For now this extra £50 payment has come from the groceries we haven't bought whilst staying with my parents (I've taken them out for one meal but that's all they will accept after two years of not seeing us). I can't pay our full grocery spends in as I have spent some 'food' money on ice creams, drinks and a couple of lunches out and I left dd1 and ds1 with Asda gift cards to buy food while we've been away. £50 extra payment (I'll pay £30 per month by direct debit as usual too) is a reasonable start.

Nintud

We arrived back early hours of Tuesday. No point in pondering the state the house was in when I got back but I flung bleach around the sinks and toilets before I went to bed so I could cover the smell enough to sleep _pale_ . I've started making progress on returning things to normal but it's going to take me up to the start of term before the damage has been rectified. I just need to google how to hang a door....

Debt-wise, I've floundered around today but really need to sit and work out a proper plan of action. So far I have;

1. Cancelled one of our phone lines. Ex-h had a business line and a domestic line fitted. When we divorced I took on the business line and shut down the domestic (it got complicated and that was the best way at the time) but the business line was in an awkward location with only one phone point. DH had the domestic line reconnected last month but did not get the business line disconnected (bT were slow in sorting internet so he left the business line in place). New internet was connected on Tuesday so I had the business line disconnected today (well, in 30 days time due to the contract, but as I have a tendency to procrastinate I'm pleased that I've actioned it so soon after new connection!)

2. I've filled in an application form for a 0% balance transfer cc to move flights over to. I'll post it tomorrow (need to post letter to Cyprus so already planned post office trip and will combine with buying paper for £5 veg voucher!)

3. Wrote cheques for extra cc payment to Santander and Tesco, also to be posted tomorrow.

4. Spoke to gardener about the broken window and have agreed that he mows for the next two months to cover the cost.

5. Tried to contact child tax credits re letter claiming we owe £40 but made call just after 5pm and line was closed. I think this is our final payment (after 2 years of repaying overpayment ) and hasn't been taken by direct debit because it is less than we would usually pay. I'll ring about this again tomorrow.

6. Returned clothes that I bought for the holiday but did not need. No receipts so got the sale price for some items but they were only cheap vest tops to begin with so the £26 I got back was better than having them take up space in a drawer - it's much too cold to wear them!

7. Bought fence paint from B&Q and new brushes . It was on offer for a large tub plus we were given vouchers when we got married last year so this was essentially 'free' - ds1 only painted one panel while we were way (I will not rant... I'm trying to hold on to the holiday chill for as long as possible) as he claims the paint he started with has become contaminated. The first dry day we get I will paint the damn fence myself (there goes the holiday chill :rotfl: )

I've also done the post-holiday big shop at Aldi and used the clothes return voucher on a Mr A top up and I bought a SW 12 week countdown which saves me £9.90 on fees.

'Speaking' of SW, first weigh-in in four weeks and I LOST 5lb!! :j

Nintud

Contrary DS1 has declined the apprenticeship and will return to Uni in October. My doors are delighted :T

Penguins86

Everything crossed for dd2's results today. Hope you're celebrating