Newbie.........Help

fmike

Afternoon all,

I have just registered here as im in abit of a bad situation so thought I would come on here to see what people say.

My situation:

I have/had a gambling problem which from yesterday ive decided to stop betting all together (nobody knew about this). I got married last year, I didn't even tell her about my problem as I was scared she would leave me.

I have had to get an evening job to pay off my debts aswell as my full time day job but its now getting too much for me. I work 9-5:30 Monday to Friday and 6-12 4 nights a week.

My debts are:

1,200 overdraft
6,500 Barclaycard cc
700 m&s cc
3,000 Tesco cc


My wife knows I have debt and that's why I got the evening job, now its affecting our relationship. Do I come clean tonight and tell her about my gambling etc.

Also, I am starting to suffer panic attacks due to worrying about money. I know all the working is causing massive problems aswell. I just want to be at home trying to fix my new marriage or work at night to clear these debts.


Anyone have any thoughts on what to do??

in_need_of_direction

I'd say tell her. She's probably worrying where the additional income is going and, if anything like me, jumping to all sorts of conclusions. Also, you're going to do much better if you have support kicking the habit. Well done on making the decision to quit. Am rooting for you.

Monkeyballs

Marriage first, killing yourself with work isn't an option.

Honestly, you should have come clean sooner (preferably before the marriage) but hey ho (I'm an ex gambler btw).

Quitting is hard work, and trying to quit and hide that you'e had a problem must be a nightmare! Add working all hours into the mix then you have a recipe for disaster if you ask me

Be as honest as you dare be to begin with and then see what happens... Bottom of the line, a marriage isn't worth throwing away over about £10k of debt and a dirty little secret.

I won't say it's going to be easy as I don't know you or your missus but it'll be one less thing on your mind and hopefully she'll be there to pick you up and make you feel less of a sh*t than you probably do now

Marriage = yes. Gambling debt = No.

Good luck!

MB

Missko

Tell her.
She probably realises there's something worrying you!
She's probably worried you're having an affair!
Tell her.
She'll probably be RELIEVED and may have some good ideas.
Us women are smart like that
Yes, she will probably be angry at some point as well though.
Best of luck, let us know how it goes!

BigAunty

There are many more healthy strategies to manage debt and maintain relationships than flogging yourself to death with 2 jobs.

Contact a debt management charity to get professional advice on paying back more manageable sums to your creditors that doesn't require you to drive yourself into an early grave.

Contact a gambling charity to get proper support for your addiction.

See your GP about your panic attacks.

Be prepared to disappoint your wife but then have the chance to regain her trust and repair the relationship with your honesty and desire to put things right. Offer to go to a marriage counselling service if she wishes.

If you are reaching crisis point, contact the Samaritans for a sympathetic, confidential and non judgemental ear.

leicestersq

If you were her, not knowing what was going on, what would you want her to do?

Sarah-Jean

I'm sorry to hear that things are so stressful.

If I were in your position I'd come clean with her. Do it properly though, she needs ALL the facts.

Yes she'll be angry, she'll be hurt but she'll probably get over it. I know if this was my husband, I'd be angry and hurt but I'd also want to support him and get it sorted once I'd calmed down.

Good luck!

fascinated

I can sympathise with this. I am an ex gambler too. I hid it from my husband for a very long time, but then he began to become suspicious and ask lots of questions and I was tying myself up in knots trying to evade the question and think of excuses.

Finally, after many panic attacks I came clean and admitted I had an overdraft which was solely down to gambling. It wasn't a complete shock to him because as I said he did suspect, but at the end of the day I think I needed him to know in order to start the recovery.

I immediately closed down all of the online sites (I never go into a bookies or anything, it was always online) so that I couldn't gamble and came up with a plan as to how I could pay it off. He seemed happy with that and didn't rant and rave. He was very supportive.

I am hoping you will find your wife will be the same. I appreciate she will be angry and hurt (put yourself in her shoes - you would be too), but I like others think she will be relieved it is not another woman.

Let us know how you get on. Rooting for you. x