Debt Free / Unable to Budget, HELP!!!!!!

Brat2Catch

Hi all, I am shocking with money, really shocking.

Me I've always had the bank of Dad to fall back on, from an early age I've wanted for nothing and I think it's done more harm than good.

I'm 34 with 2 teenage sons one off to Uni soon (19) and one doing his exams (16) yes I know if you do the maths that works out a bit naughty but I was 15 and thought I knew it all.

I'm fortunate enough to be completely mortgage free, again bank of Dad as a 30th birthday present he bought me a lovely 3 bed new build home and furnished it.

My dads plan was for me to save £700 a month as if I had a mortgage, issue being as I'd never paid out £700 a month I didn't know how to save it or how it felt to now have it because I've never paid it (I was in private rented at £400 a month before that, which he paid half of)

So to cut a long story short my OH and I are on 40k between us a year, we pay out £130 council tax a month £36 home insurance £80 for 2 contract phones £90 electric and £60 gas £115 for sky,that does include multi room, tv, broadband and phone, £150 petrol (we have a Rangerover plus a company car) £180 a month car insurance (oh been driving just a year, it'll go down soon) we pay the TV licence and AA annually, we've no credit cards BUT I do have some foolish debt from my mid twenties before I was a homeowner, most have gone from my credit file, I have a 2k one going in August 2014 and the last few stragglers are a few missed payments on catalogues etc.

My issue is Bank of Dad has made it clear he cannot hold my hand forever and I don't want him to, I mean I want him around forever but I need to manage my own money, he's 70 in August, smokes like a chimney and I know our time together is getting limited.

I REALLY need to get budgeting and sorting my debts out, I've had mixed reviews some say pay off what I owe, others say shh! as they are all going to be gone by 2015. (Off my credit file, I know they'll still loiter in debt space)

What I am most ashamed of is this...

I sold my dream home in October last year and bought a shed of a property, it was a repo and the previous owners even took the bottom step with them on the stairs, it was near the sea and a lovely fresh start for me and my new OH so I hastily agreed, went with a fast sell company that charged me loads and with solicitor fees etc etc it was about 9k just to move. By the time my gut was saying halt it was all too late, my house took just 6 days to get a buyer and within 6 weeks the move was complete.

We moved to the area with NO JOBS deciding to live off the 45k that was left over from the house sale and to spend 2/3 months doing the house up ( we are both managers so figured finding work wouldn't be too hard - I know risky, I know!)
8 short weeks later the 45k was gone, new kitchen (it's 25ft x 15ft), new bathrooms, floor tiles, making a utility, all new furniture top to bottom, re plumb, re wire, re plastered, the whole thing, everything new new new, argh! I cringe now, 2 ovens, 2 fridges, 2 freezers a wine fridge a beer fridge a waste disposal, designer waterfall taps everywhere, a piano in the space in the kitchen as it looked bare ( what on earth and why?!) All new televisions, why on earth I need a 50inch in the bedroom is beyond me it looks ridiculously huge, I even demanded a fireplace in the bedroom, looks great in the winter for those 10 mins before bed, never used any other time though.

I can remember the balance going down 45k looked amazing on the day of completion a week later it was 36k after paying tradesmen
then down to 30k after an expensive trip to wickes..
it kept dribbling down and down and I kept saying oh you'll be alright.. WRONG!

So the house just needs the garden finishing off and a few touches here and there I estimate 5k to finish it, it's not my dream house it was a stepping stone to make some money and move up the housing ladder, I wanted my forever home 4/5 bed, double garage, ensuite but I've balls'd it all up.

Please help, as I say we're on around 40k a year with about £700 worth of bills before food and clothes and the pub. We get paid weekly too, Friday is payday but come Sunday we're lucky to have £40 left it's all such a mess, I dunno where it goes, on paper it looks like we should have a comfortable life, I'm dreading old age, yes I have a little more inheritance to come but my Dad is planning to skip me and my brother and give his estate to his grandkids so they don't have to pay rent/mortgages either.

Please help me before it's too late. I should in theory be able to save.
P.S my little brother is nothing like me he'll moan at a £20 food shop for the week and he sweeps his money into his savings religiously.

Help me be debt free and grow up, I'm acting like a spoilt brat and it's pathetic.

Ta x

in_need_of_direction

I'd suggest you start by doing two things. One is post a statement of affairs (soa) on here with all outgoings. The other is record every spend. At least for a few weeks. It's the only way to see where the money goes. Also, what's your OH's attitude to debt and spending?

suse*

I'd highly recommend you use something to track your spending over the next month or two to help see where your money is going to. Since I have been using ynab software it is helped me cut my spending a lot by seeing where it is all going better. Also it lets you have saving categories etc I just had my garden done with it's help.

Steerpike88

I agree, track every penny down. For your daily newspaper, your coffee, the cat food and loo roll you nipped out to buy. Write it all down. You'd be surprised how the small things can add up so quickly.
Loads of people find meal planning helpful, my MIL checks her pantry and makes a meal plan for the week ahead, she uses stuff up and only buys what she needs for the next week and a bit.
Anyone can learn to be more spendthrift, it's easier to be frugal and go without than deal with the stress and guilt with debt, once your used to it.

Velja

Once you work out your budget, perhaps you could give it to your dad and stop yourself from accessing your bank accounts? This way if you needed anything extra you would have to ask your dad.
Hope it goes well

chevalier

Oh dear. What a shame about the money blown on the house. Has it raised the amount the house is worth by the amount spent or more? Is there anything that you can either take back or sell (that 50 inch screen in the bedroom perhaps?) to claw some money back?

Your dad has been very good to you on one level, but not so good on the financial independence level, it is lucky you realise that now rather than when it is too late.

Definitely think that doing a Statement of Affairs will help you, it will see where the fixed costs are and thus give you an idea of how you can cut those down first.

Next you need to stop spending. Silly I know but you seem like you almost need a detox from it! So take a couple of weeks and only spend on say food shopping, petrol and monthly outgoings. No take aways, no pub (good for the liver too), no magazines, bars of chocolate. Then take stock. If you still have no money then fair enough you have high bills to your income, if you have money left however then, you have highlighted that you are fritterers!!:)

Good luck with your journey. Is your OH on the same page as you about reining in the spending?
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