Paying back payday loans

SeduLOUs

Apologies then if my post sounds accusatory.

I don't know what the answer is. You could hold back his travelling costs and only give him the remainder but one way or another he needs to get a grip himself.

It's not even really about learning. It's one thing not understand debts and interest rates, but there's no excuse for not being able to keep enough money to one side to be able to get to work. It's just pure stubbornness, and I don't know how you are going to contend with that one when he's in a position of nothing to lose (knowing that even if he loses his job he would have a roof over his head and his meals).

All I can do now is wish you luck and hope somebody else who has experienced similar can give you some useful advice.

bumbleberry68

I just really wanted to know how to pay debts off without giving my bank details over, but it appears christians against poverty can help with that, as long as they can see him in the evening as he's working all day. They can also help with money management as I am mum so I am just background noise when I speak!

Thanks anyway

Monkeyballs

Hi,

Yeah, I think what people here are trying to say is that he needs to take responsibility and while you're trying to make him do the right thing he isn't taking responsibility - and not learning...

If it was me, I'd get him to contact Step Change (you mention you've already spoken to CAP but I swear by SC ) to discuss options.

I'm thinking a basic bank account with Barclays and a DMP so money is paid to SC who then distribute it among his creditors so they have neither his or your account details.

You really need to step back and leave him to do it, and you should charge him rent too even if all you do is put it in the bank as a savings pot to give to him when he's grown up a bit and can handle money better.

Out of curiosity, what is he spending his money on? It might be that there is an underlying issue which he needs to face up to first...

MB

bumbleberry68

All the time he is working he pays rent, I contacted CAP because since he's been on JSA he doesn't have a mobile phone and his working hours are he leaves at 7.30am and gets home at 7pm monday to friday so they are all shut when he's home, but I notice that step change phone line is open til 8pm so thank you for that. I have no idea what he spends his money on, JSA he would go to the pictures on an orange wednesday which should cost him about £5 but he ends up spending £25 on food drink ticket transport. When he was working he was down before he started with all the bank charges for going over his overdraft.

I did leave him to his own devices with money for 5 years, when you then get letters from bailiffs that he hasn't opened and he steals money out of his brothers cashpoint in desperation to try and pay O2 debt collectors off things have gone too far. This is my house and I will not have bailiffs knocking at my door.

bumbleberry68

The thing I liked about CAP is they run courses about money and you get a debt coach, he needs someone to help him get to the root of his issues with money. What he associates money to etc

SeduLOUs

bumbleberry68 wrote: »

I did leave him to his own devices with money for 5 years, when you then get letters from bailiffs that he hasn't opened and he steals money out of his brothers cashpoint in desperation to try and pay O2 debt collectors off things have gone too far. This is my house and I will not have bailiffs knocking at my door.

He's taking the p*ss out of you. Plain and simple.

He shouldn't be going to the cinema spending £25 when he has debt collectors banging the door down. Getting out of debt isn't easy, but it's even worse with your head buried in the sand. It worries me that he has got into such a debt mess when he doesn't even really have any household bills to contend with.

I think the only way he is going to learn his lesson is the hard way. I don't know how old he is, but on the assumption he is an adult and is causing you this much distress I'd almost definitely be giving the ultimatum of "sort yourself out, or move out". Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and it sounds like he needs to be scared into doing something, because as it stands he couldn't care less.

The only upside is that his credit rating is in probably such a mess that nobody would dream of lending him any more. If I were you, I certainly wouldn't be giving, or even lending him a penny ever again.

Monkeyballs

SeduLOUs wrote: »

The only upside is that his credit rating is in probably such a mess that nobody would dream of lending him any more

Or worse, he may find himself borrowing off someone who you would like even less knocking on your door...

Sorry if it sounds like people are being hard Bumble but they are being for your sake (mostly).

It's good to know he's paying rent while he's working but I'd be tempted to ask for some of his JSA as well, again even if you just put it in a pot, hopefully having less to spend with few options to borrow will help focus his mind on what he is doing with his money Being blunt, JSA stands for Job Seekers Allowance and while I know it can be hard to find a job you like but in his position he needs to use the money for what it is intended for and take what he can get.

Try looking at him from an outsiders perspective, if you had a friend who had a son doing the same thing would you think they were being too soft?

MB

Gaz83

I agree with previous posters. Your son is taking the utter !!!! out of you and showing no regard for your own circumstances.

Also, and I know this doesn't help you now but may help others reading it, the time to teach your children financial education and respect for money is in childhood and adolescence, not as adults.

SeduLOUs

Gaz83 wrote: »

I agree with previous posters. Your son is taking the utter !!!! out of you and showing no regard for your own circumstances.

Also, and I know this doesn't help you now but may help others reading it, the time to teach your children financial education and respect for money is in childhood and adolescence, not as adults.

It probably wasn't intentional but this is probably a bit unfair. My mum and dad taught me the value of money from a young age, and did an excellent job with me, but I still went silly when I first moved out and got myself into a fair bit of trouble with cards and loans (although I never treated them with the disrespect OP seems to be getting and wasn't living in their house).

I realised what was happening before it got to ridiculous and climbed out of it in the end, but it was own silly teenage fault and not through lack of good advice from my parents.

It's from that perspective of remembering when 'I knew best' that I'm posting what I am. He obviously has his head buried, and either doesn't realise or doesn't care how important this is and how much stress he is causing to his mother.

That's the only reason I suggested that some sort of scare tactic might be needed for him to see it for what it is. I totally understand you don't want to see him in a mess or without a job, but only he can make the change that is necessary, and all that you can do is try to nudge him onto the right path.

I wish OP the best of luck xx