Just a vent about family loan

riverboat2001

I understand you should never lend money you can't afford to get back, and i'm fine with that, but just need to vent !

Step-Daughter and Step-Son, both bad with money, inherited bad habits I guess.
Stepson has wife and family, and has never asked for a penny, but instead went to payday lenders. If they had asked for help i would have given it. Anyway, happily they are (as far as i know) free from debt, apart from family car HP.

Stepdaughter asked us to act as guarantor for an Amigo loan for about 5k. I said No, and i think she was taken aback and rather annoyed with me.
I asked her what she needed the money for, and she said she owed money on credit cards, on fairly high interest rates.

There was also a family wedding abroad that we we're all attending, but she didn't have the money to pay for herself.


I paid for her to go to the wedding but I told her i wasn't going to pay for the new boyfriend (they'd only been together a few months) And she seemed to accept that, two days later she announce that he had "found" the money to go on the holiday after all!

On our return I cleared off about £500 worth of her debts with the most aggressive card.

All in all she owed us just under1K....Imagine my surprise when i find out less than a week later that they've bought a car for about 5K on finance.
Needless to say she didn't come around for a few weeks waiting for her Dad and me to calm down. Luckily for her, her Dad is a softy, and didn't rip into her about it. Me as the Step-mother can't really say or do much anyway, but she knows we're not best pleased.

Apparently the actual finance rate isn't that bad, but it has some sort of maintenance contract included with it. (obviously they have no actual money to pay for any repairs.)
I could of quite easily helped her pick out a nice cheap runner, but apparently she wouldn't be seen dead driving round in one of those things "It would ruin her street cred"

Anyway, earlier this year she asked for my bank details to pay me the money back. She had to get a loan from work as she hadn't saved up any of the money she owed us!
When i checked my bank i found a credit from a company called TM Automatic (or something very similar) It turns out she's using some form of bank account that takes a payment for managing her money. I can see how it works, but surely she could have done it herself, it just skims off what's needed for the bills, and lets her spend the rest.

So far I've got back £750, as she hasn't got anymore money, but surprisingly during the last family visit they announced that they'll be going on holiday somewhere nice and warm this year!

Oh, did i forget to mention they have Iphone 5 and Galaxy 5 and Skysports etc....


Maybe I'm just getting old, I understand asking for help, but i don't understand why they're doing the same thing again. This car is going to take about 5 years to pay off!

POPPYOSCAR

Lessen learned.

When Step-daughter says she cannot afford to do something, do not give her the money.

Unfortunately, some children always think they know best and do not want advice and they have to be left to learn from there mistakes.If they do not learn there is nothing you can do.

If they want to waste their money there is little you can do about it, me personally, I would not get involved financially at all.

chesky

Why would you say you would have helped the son but refused the daughter?

And why, if her dad is such a softie, did she not ask him?

Just interested.

riverboat2001

chesky wrote: »

Why would you say you would have helped the son but refused the daughter?

And why, if her dad is such a softie, did she not ask him?

Just interested.

Because Son has wife and two small children and needed help with council tax, and they don't (in my opinion) fritter their money away.

Daughter has just herself and her boyfriend (who earns money here and there) but whereas Son goes on camping trips to save money on holidays etc. she'll get credit from wherever to get what she wants, and these included the car, the £70 hair-cuts ect. And i have no doubt there will be a foreign holiday at some point this year.


i can see your point and perhaps I've been harsh, but asking me to clear her CC debt, and then getting a car within days probably put the tin hat on it.

She did ask her Dad, but as I manage our money, he told her to ask me!


I did think at the time that we wouldn't get any of it back, so I'm happy to have got most of it back, but I don't think she'll ask again, hopefully the new bank account she's got will help.

DCFC79

She will learn one day when she needs a car that a nice little runner is much better than 1 on finance, I find it amazng how people suddenly find the money soon after asking a friend or family member.

riverboat2001

Hopefully one day they'll have a lightbulb moment. She's leaving it late at 31 though.

Thier Sky and broadband is almost £70 per month. I said you could cancel Sky and get Freesat (what we have) or at least phone them up and haggle, but they just seem to apathetic or lazy to bother.

Unfortunately their Mother is just the same, she borrows from them at the start of the week and pays it back at the end, despite getting about 40K out of the sale of the ex family house almost 15 years ago.

I don't understand how people who are financially screwed still keep getting credit, it doesn't seem to matter whether they can afford it or not.

It baffles me.

dealer_wins

Never lend money to family. Either gift it to them, or say no.

That way if you ever get it back its nice, and there are no bad feelings if you dont.

Pixie5740

My brother and his GF always "borrow" money from my parents. I told my mum she enables this behaviour but she got upset so I left it.

My brother phoned to "borrow" £500 once and then his GF bought some over priced piece of crap from one of those dealers who offer expensive finance to people with bad credit the very same week.

Just the other month he asked me to be a guarantor on a flat for them. My parents are retired so they couldn't do it. I asked if they had put together a household budget and if I could see it to check they could definitely afford it. He bit my head off and told him to go and raffle himself.

snowcat75

I have customers who run there lives in the exact same way, Never can afford to pay me, but can buy new cars, go on holiday buy designer clothes etc etc, but settle a bill for a £100 and they go into hiding, even better are the ones with rubber cheque books.

The problem is I see it so much that I get very hard faced with people.

dealer_wins

snowcat75 wrote: »

I have customers who run there lives in the exact same way, Never can afford to pay me, but can buy new cars, go on holiday buy designer clothes etc etc, but settle a bill for a £100 and they go into hiding, even better are the ones with rubber cheque books.

The problem is I see it so much that I get very hard faced with people.

Aee you a loanshark

iolanthe07

I 'lent' my daughter some money a few years ago, but I never expect to get it back. I'm OK with that; life's too short............