Help feel like im up to my neck in it

Hollysmummy24

First of all I must state most of our debt is my husbands doing, but he has taken the ostrich approach to it and let it build up to epic proportions.

The scenario up to now, we took out a mortgage with Northern Rock in November 06, and borrowed and extra 20k to pay off debts/but furniture. I thought the credit cards/loans would all be paid off and that would be that. BUT now looking at bank statements etc we still are paying things off- so all that extra we borrowed has gone god knows where. I am so angry we owe about 25k in total, credit cards/loans/HP agreements, i only have one loan worth 3k, the rest is hubbys.

I feel we are sinking, he pays this by dd a set amount each month, but we barely have enough to live and have had to borrow off family. Its a terrible situation. We have been offered a consolidating loan, looking into it I can see WHY- we would end up paying 66000 on a loan of 25k.

Can anyone come up with any solutions, I feel like leaving him to sort it all out ans starting a new life but my kids will suffer then. PLEASE please help.

Payingitallback

Hello

My debt was just the same as yours so don't panic!

Can you post a SOA? Showing exactly what you have coming in each month and what you have to pay out.

I am sure more posters will be along very soon to be able to advise you, but, the statment really does make it ewasier to see whaich is the best route for you to take.

Northernbird_2

Take a deep breath. Take a step back. And take another deep breath.

I can hear your panic, and you need to slow down. You've come to the right place.

You need to figure out the following (breaking it down into smaller parts helps):

1. Where the money is going;
2. Where the money needs to go
3. What you owe, to who, with % and min. payments

Take a look at SS's sticky on putting together an SOA. You need to prioritise your expenditure - don't starve to pay your debts, but at the same time, you need to cut out those non-essentials. I remember (a good few years ago) I took out a loan to pay some stuff off, and less than a month later it had just 'gone'. I know how scary that feeling is.

Get out those bank statements, start a spending diary, get your OH to look at what he spends. You're both in this together, and you need each other's support to come out of it (and you'll probably be stronger for it as well). You need to talk to him about it.

Don't take out a consolidation loan - think of all that money you'll be paying in interest. Look at your other options first. I consolidated three times (eek!), but I didn't actually tackle the reasons for our spending in the first place, and so we just racked up those cc debts again. I hate myself for it, and other than my OH no-one knows the mess we're in.

You'll be OK. You have your OH, your kids, your health... That's not too shabby, and with help from all the great people on this site (who know a lot more about this stuff than I do!) you should be able to come out of the dark place I know you feel that you're in.

weeg

Take a deep breath. KNowing you have a problem is a big part of finding a solution.

An SOA and spending diary will help you see where the problems lies, and the good folk here help you out of it, so do that.

But....

Has your husband and his lightbulb moment? Ie does he see this the same way you do, or would he rather consolidate, and worry about it later. There can be few things as stressful as living on noodles and value tomato sauce for you and the kids, only for him to be eating pub lunches and buying flat screen tvs.

So, some questions:
1) are you sure this is ALL of the debt?
2) is he in this with you?
3) if you are the stronger willed (and I guess you are, because you're here). Will he hand over all financial control to you - leaving him with just a cash sum every week?

There is some brilliant advice in the stickies about maximinsing income and minimising outgoings - have a read. It'll help you feel better. I promise.

LookingAhead

A little bump for hollysmummy. She probably needs a lot of support right now.

RAS

Hi

It might be a good idea if you both got your credit records from callcredit, experian and equifax. Have a look at Martins article on credit ratings and the free options.

And get together your bank and other accounts and recent bills.

That will give you a clear understanding of your situation.

Also, both start spending diaries listing ever farthing that leaves your pockets or gets added to the card. that may explain where the money is haemhearging (sp).

When you have that lot together, look for Southerscousers stickie on the first page for new posters and put up your joint SOA. That is when people can help you sort things out a bit.

It also means that if you want to make an appointment with any of the free debt charities for advice, you have the information that they need to hand.

In the short term, concentrate on keeping your essential accounts OK. That is rent/mortgage, Council tax, utiliities and any secure loans. I would suggest that you pay those rather then letting OH have anything to do with them if possible.

if you feel the strain, try the Money Saving Old style forum for advice on really cheap menus and store cupboard challenges. Longer term that will not help if OH does not pull in his expenditure but it will help you pt food in your mouths.