help panic attack over self catering holiday

kazmeister

Hi

We are in a similar/completely different scenario for our holiday this year.

We are all going to Spain for my dads 70th birthday, but my brothers family are staying in a different apartment, and my elder brother with my mum/dad. We have the apartment by the pool so may have to fund the lids lunches but only if they fund the beer - lol! We will talk about it and come up with a solution we are all happy about. If we go out together we will have a beer fund based on a per person count and meals will be paid for by each family.

We are also lucky in that dad offered to pay the apartment deposit but has gone on to pay for the whole lot and mum gave us £500 each towards the flights. In return my 2 brothers and I have decided we are going to pay for dads birthday party between us which could come to £500 but dad's worth it.

Dont commit to anything you dont want to or cant as it will only build up resentment and spoil your holiday.

Streeg

Sounds stressful - and this is the reason why I have only ever gone on holiday once with family - someone always wants to take charge and does things differently to the way I would do it - usually the more expensive way.... (in my case it was my MIL....)

tell your mum that you can't afford it is the first thing to do...

but I imagine she is basing the prices on what it would cost her in the UK for the sort of things she wants to eat (and I bet that is nice/luxury foods plus lots to drink).. you can live far better in france far cheaper if you are preparead to eat like a local..... lots of fresh bread, salad, veggies, cheeses etc, plus local wine - you could eat like royalty for half that amount! tell your mum to forget the hypermarket except for tins/basics/cereal etc and buy food fresh every day..... you will get it cheaper, it will be better quality and you can vary it depending on what you feel like at the time.....

maybe suggest that you all (IE everyone) pay half the amount suggested into a comunal shopping purse - each person takes it in turns to shop daily for food just for the one night (after buying the coffee/tea/cereal etc at teh start) and if any is left at the end of the week it can be divided X ways........

Topher

If I'm correct, I'm picking up some broader problems other than the handing over of larger amounts of money than you can afford, so that your Mum can manage something in a way that you wouldn't, spending food money in a way that you wouldn't spend it.
I agree with what every one else says, that the only way forward at this stage is honesty with your Mum and family. Maybe you could also share with us if this is a typical set up in your family, and if there is more than one point of view about why your Mum is doing this, for example is she trying to handle something that has put her out of her depth, therefore she's trying to control the situation? Is she a controlling person? Or Does everybody usually leave everything up to her?
Could another way in be to share out the duties, divide up the food provision so that each "party/group" gets to take up the monumental task of feeding the whole lot for a day's meals, and pay for it themselves, (this spreads the load more fairly, and means you pay out what you can afford, admittedly for 25 people, but then you say (as I would) that you can do this for a lower budget than your Mum's) I'm only suggesting another way, as, when you bring this one to "the table" having an alternative, can add to your argument.
I really would get this sorted before the final committment to going, or you could be in for a miserable (not to mention expensive & stressful) time.

Oh, have you done this before, because another consideration is who clears up. Thinking it was only fair after my BIL had prepared dinner, I volunteered to clear up the kitchen (same thing, family holiday) !!!!!! You have never, and I mean never (unless you've been burgled) seen a kitchen like it. TWO HOURS to restore it.

Just thought I'd mention it

Best wishes
Topher

Angelraesunshine

To be honest i think my mum forgets how hard things can be sometimes, My nan dies 5 years ago and was the matriarch of the family so mum thinks its up to her being the oldest ( she has 4 younger brothers ) should take the place of matriarch but really love her to bits but its just not her. We have all my aunts and uncles going and some cousins that are in their late teens, both my sisters and my 2 nieces. Mum has a partner been with for about 12 years + but he is well off and they have 2 good incomes but when we grew up we never had that and though my Dh has a good job and i dont work ( well 7 1/2 ours a week as a dinner lady which pays for my son to go to playgroup and about £30 left over) we are doing a large extension by ourselves to the house and we are running out of money the last thing we needed was this holiday to pay for. However many hints we drop at my mum she just does not seem to remember what it was like ( my sister says this too) DH is not looking forward to going, he hardly sees anyone in his family and dont give much time to mine, i can see arguments everywhere, and i do get a bee in my bonnet about paying out for things we dont use lol.

I dont drink very much and Dh wont drink tons esp with kids about and we just think they will spend out tons on booze and food we wont eat and then we will get the blame for moaning about it.

Mums seems to of set up an itinerary of what we are meant to be doing for the week to ( that so did not go down well with Dh :eek:)

oh dear have probably bored you all now hehe but then again is probably typical family

Angelraesunshine

Ok well last night me and my sister spoke to my mum and asked where the price came from ~ just first number that sprung to mind she said ~
Told her that could not afford £210 and that my shopping bill for this month was only £222 and she looked at me blankly i am sure she did not believe me.

I told her i have a stock of food to take with me already and could i just not put towards stuff that we need while we are there for the days we will be there we are gonna do a few day trips it wasn't that i did not want to pay anything just not that sort of money i will still pay my fair share but i am taking lots of cereal and juices, pasta and rice with me.

In the end she was a bit put out but fine with it she has not got much choice and as my sister is flying over i am taking all her extra food for her too, to keep her costs down.

thank you all for your advice xxx