hen party/chief bridesmaid advice

fireyfirenze

just wondered if anybody has been a chief bridesmaid/maid of honour/bridesmaid and how people have worked out the costs of the hen party?

I don't mean the actual cost of the activity, because each person is paying their own way. it's mostly the cost of the sashes/badges/hen party bags/table decorations in the restaurant, etc. iv not organised any of it (I didn't really get a chance to!) but apparently the estimated cost of all the stuff will be £70, which is being expected to be split in between the 2 bridesmaids.

is this the norm? how have other hen party guests/bridesmaid sorted prices out for the accessories etc? just would like some people's experiences!

74jax

fireyfirenze wrote: »

just wondered if anybody has been a chief bridesmaid/maid of honour/bridesmaid and how people have worked out the costs of the hen party?

I don't mean the actual cost of the activity, because each person is paying their own way. it's mostly the cost of the sashes/badges/hen party bags/table decorations in the restaurant, etc. iv not organised any of it (I didn't really get a chance to!) but apparently the estimated cost of all the stuff will be £70, which is being expected to be split in between the 2 bridesmaids.

is this the norm? how have other hen party guests/bridesmaid sorted prices out for the accessories etc? just would like some people's experiences!

Being a guest at several Hen parties I have always chipped in and paid for the sashes, they have never been bought for me by the wedding party.

Also at my own Hen Party, I didn't pay as the Bride, my MOH worked it so that everyone else paid a little more to cover my costs, but I don't know if this is the norm or not.

Bella73

First and foremost BEFORE ANYTHING IS BOUGHT you must speak to anyone you are expecting to share the cost with.

Are the bridesmaids having to pay for their outfits etc...speak to the bride and ask, so many people fall out by assumptions. It really does not matter what is "normal", what matters is that everyone is included in decisions where they are being asked to contribute, and not to have a hissy fit if they cannot afford/don't want to pay out.

I've been in hen do's which have cost around £20 right through to weekend of nearly £400 but on each occasion it was made very clear about costs involved before anything was booked and especially on the weekend one some of our friends didn't go as they couldn't afford to, but we didn't behave like brats and all out with them, simply went for a meal so they were included.

minerva_windsong

I agree about making costs clear before anything is booked. I've been the person who was the poor relation on a hen do and remember feeling very awkward that I couldn't afford it but having to go along with a really expensive day of activities. It's also why I've told my chief bridesmaid to keep costs down, and why I'm having a very 'opt in opt out' day so people can come to the bits they want without feeling like they have to fork out loads.

On the hens I've been on, we have each paid for our activities plus costs to cover the bride, and then for our own food/drinks on top (although I've said I'll pay for myself because I don't want my friends to be out of pocket so I can have a free day out). I've never been to a hen party with accessories but if I did I'd be quite happy to pay for them as part of the overall cost, provided I knew how much they'd be and it was a reasonable price. I think £35 is a lot extra to split between two of you though - why has it been assumed it'll be paid by the bridesmaids? How many of you are going on the hen?

fireyfirenze

there will be 15 people on the hen do, quite a few of them I don't know. the actual cost of the activity is covered people know how much that is so there's no problem there.

the other bridesmaid has worked out that for sashes/badges for everyone, balloons and decorations for the table in the restaurant, and party bags for all the guests that include cupcakes and novelty items that it will be around £70 and it should be split between me and her. I just never imagined it to be that way especially paying for stuff for people iv never met! just wondered if it was the 'normal' thing to do.

Bella73

fireyfirenze wrote: »

there will be 15 people on the hen do, quite a few of them I don't know. the actual cost of the activity is covered people know how much that is so there's no problem there.

the other bridesmaid has worked out that for sashes/badges for everyone, balloons and decorations for the table in the restaurant, and party bags for all the guests that include cupcakes and novelty items that it will be around £70 and it should be split between me and her. I just never imagined it to be that way especially paying for stuff for people iv never met! just wondered if it was the 'normal' thing to do.

No it's not normal!! Sorry I thought you were the one booking it all.
All of them will know the bride so as long as they are told in advance and can opt out if they don't want a sash etc then they should all pay for their own, or to be honest the bride should pay for these things as it her wedding after all.

Why on earth do you all need "party bags"?? Surely you are all grown ups for goodness sake you're not organising a party for six year olds!

I can honestly say I've never had a "party bag" on a hen and would find it ridiculous! Sorry to be harsh but why waste money on crap!

fireyfirenze

Bella73 wrote: »

No it's not normal!! Sorry I thought you were the one booking it all.
All of them will know the bride so as long as they are told in advance and can opt out if they don't want a sash etc then they should all pay for their own, or to be honest the bride should pay for these things as it her wedding after all.

Why on earth do you all need "party bags"?? Surely you are all grown ups for goodness sake you're not organising a party for six year olds!

I can honestly say I've never had a "party bag" on a hen and would find it ridiculous! Sorry to be harsh but why waste money on crap!

no it's not really harsh I would never have organised party bags. i would have been happy just getting everyone a sash! I just feel like now she has organised it all I can't say no without seeming like a right misery guts or a rubbish best friend. she did ask me if it was okay to split the money between us and I stupidly said yes, now I'm on maternity leave and don't even know how much my wage will be this month I'm regretting it a bit.

booo!

DomRavioli

fireyfirenze wrote: »

no it's not really harsh I would never have organised party bags. i would have been happy just getting everyone a sash! I just feel like now she has organised it all I can't say no without seeming like a right misery guts or a rubbish best friend. she did ask me if it was okay to split the money between us and I stupidly said yes, now I'm on maternity leave and don't even know how much my wage will be this month I'm regretting it a bit.

booo!

You can say no - her reaction is her problem, not yours. Talk to her and tell her that you're now on maternity and you can't afford it; you're not a miracle worker, and 70 quid on party bags and pound land sashes...I think she's gone OOT a little there!

Just tell her you can't afford it - simple as that. If she kicks off, leave her to it - some MOH/BM get a little jumped up when they get asked to do it and forget it is about the 2 people getting married.

Sazzarella

I've only been on 1 hen night and we did have the whole party bags filled with willy shaped things (that's what the bride wanted). This cost was factored into the overall price that we paid and as there was about 15 of us we probably about £5 each on top of the activity price.

Floss

fireyfirenze wrote: »

no it's not really harsh I would never have organised party bags. i would have been happy just getting everyone a sash! I just feel like now she has organised it all I can't say no without seeming like a right misery guts or a rubbish best friend. she did ask me if it was okay to split the money between us and I stupidly said yes, now I'm on maternity leave and don't even know how much my wage will be this month I'm regretting it a bit.

booo!

Just tell the other bridesmaid that you now can't afford it because of your maternity pay being less than your normal salary. Its true, so you aren't lying to her.

If she kicks off, suggest she contacts everyone apart from the bride and asks them all for an extra £5 - that works out to be £70 exactly. Much fairer!

AmyTurtle

Hi,

I was MOH for my best friend last year, along with 2 BMs. Us 3 and the 2 mums paid the cost for the bride to go on the hen do (as the main bridal party had a Spa morning then were joined by others later). We did do silly party bags but just with a couple of things from 99p Stores (packs of 5 kid's silver wands - 99p!!) and then pens and a 'How well do you know the bride' quiz which was done during afternoon tea. Total cost for 15 people was probably about £8! We did find the hen party badges and sashes are expensive if you buy online or in Claire's Accessories/Smiffys but Poundland do a small range so we got a few bits from there. £70 sounds way over the top to me.