Stunned!

Saltyseal

I cannot believe this, I'm totally confused. My 18 year old son (he was 17 then) came and told me last year that he was leaving school and going to college. I don't have a lot of contact with him, his choice, but was glad to hear that he was going to college. I've always paid through the CSA and am on CSA 1. I pay nearly 400 quid per month after a reassessment nearly two years ago. That was all I heard from him but by pure chance I met a pal of his who told me he had NEVER gone to college, was never even up for a college course and has done nowt since he left school. So I phone the CSA and after chasing them up a couple if times am told by the person on the other end of the phone that it says benefit renewal inhibited on the CHB screen. Today I come home from work to find a letter saying that the case was closed in SEPTEMBER! I've been paying all these months with the last payment tow weeks ago and they're saying that the case was closed last year! He stopped getting CHB in September - they say they will write to me, but will I get the money back? I don't mean to sound like a money grabber but he came and lied to me and I think now it was so that I wouldn't ask any questions about CSA if I found out he had left school. What do I do now? Can he still go back into the CHB and CSA system?. I'm gutted that he lied to me, I would have given him money if that was what he wanted to support him in some way. I've always paid by direct debit and never once had arrears no matter what.

DUTR

You will get a refund, my brother did.

jacklink

sounds like his mother may of told im that he would get no money if he said he wasn't going to do anything, amongst other things

Saltyseal

Thanks for the replies. His mum has had lots of problems but she can be the type of person who will shift things around to get her own way. He didn't even know that I paid CSA for him until I showed him the paperwork, his mum never told him I paid anything for him, he grew up thinking I was a right sod.

DUTR

Saltyseal wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. His mum has had lots of problems but she can be the type of person who will shift things around to get her own way. He didn't even know that I paid CSA for him until I showed him the paperwork, his mum never told him I paid anything for him, he grew up thinking I was a right sod.

He doesn't need to know though, are you both raising the boy to be his only role is to fund somebody else when he becomes an adult?
The main thing now is you are out of the system and to get on with your own wellbeing and nuture the lad to fend for himself .

Saltyseal

Thanks for your comments. I think there is a really good chance that my son will try and get himself onto some kind of college course this year (real rather than made up), so that his mum can get him back onto CHB and therefore CSA. I'm assuming if that happens it will be a new case opened under the new 2012 scheme. I feel like a real mug, my sister who is a bit of a straight talker is of the opinion that my son's mum is desparate to have some kind of hold over me and that is why she did not let the CSA know that CHB had ended. The more I think about what has happened the more I think she is right. I'm not making judgements after many years and we were very young, but his mum left me for someone she had a relationship with before me, married that person and then got divorced.

DUTR I hope you do not mind me asking, but what happened to your brother, was his case like mine?

DUTR

Saltyseal wrote: »

Thanks for your comments. I think there is a really good chance that my son will try and get himself onto some kind of college course this year (real rather than made up), so that his mum can get him back onto CHB and therefore CSA. I'm assuming if that happens it will be a new case opened under the new 2012 scheme. I feel like a real mug, my sister who is a bit of a straight talker is of the opinion that my son's mum is desparate to have some kind of hold over me and that is why she did not let the CSA know that CHB had ended. The more I think about what has happened the more I think she is right. I'm not making judgements after many years and we were very young, but his mum left me for someone she had a relationship with before me, married that person and then got divorced.

DUTR I hope you do not mind me asking, but what happened to your brother, was his case like mine?

His dependant child had gone to college and finished that, it was only a few months worth and then went onto to Uni, that said the csa were writing to him, but he is the sort that doesn't open letters, he got a cheque for the over payment. He has a lot of undoing to do and hasn't yet grasped that he (my brother ) is his own person again and should enjoy his own life now.
His ex wife who had mentally tortured him had ended up running off with some guy who then cleaned her out of the 60% of house equity and ran off himself once the proceeds were spent and left her with nothing . :eek:

jacklink

DUTR wrote: »

He doesn't need to know though, are you both raising the boy to be his only role is to fund somebody else when he becomes an adult?
The main thing now is you are out of the system and to get on with your own wellbeing and nuture the lad to fend for himself .

he does need to know, why should a PWC be able to rant and rave and lie to her child that she gets no help from a childs father when they do ?

a child gets a message that they are cared for and wanted when they know the parent who doesnt live in the same house contributes to their upbrining

duchy

Surely you've seen your son since September or at least had enough contact to know if he was at college or not ?

13Kent

It is easy for the PWC to hide what the child is or isn't doing from the NRP, we had a similar situation with my husband's eldest, who sat at home doing nothing for months encouraged by the PWC who wanted to keep her CB and her CSA payments. After months of nothing the child got apprenticeship and had a wage, but CSA was still payable. The child used the wage to move out of the PWC's house hold and it got to the point that the younger one didn't want see us in case something was said which 'let the cat out of the bag' as it were. As we couldn't prove that the child had moved out we had to continue to pay the PWC CSA - we would have been happy to contribute to the child's living expenses directly if they had been honest and said that the child had moved out, but resented paying the PWC for a child that no longer lived with her. Some PWC's are unscrupulous and will use their children so that they maintain their income, unfortunately sometimes to the detriment of the child.

We suspected the child had finished the apprenticeship and was on a 'proper' wage, but didn't know for definite and asked the CSA to check as we believed CB was no longer being paid. We had been overpaying for months. As there are other children our subsequent payments were amended to make up for the overpayments.

Once CSA payments had ended they became open about the child moving out and we were were even invited round to where the child was living for tea!!!