Need to air my stress :(

needhelpplease12

Hi all,

I only posted last night but after having a sleepless night I just need to let it all out on here...as you are all very good at listening

I'm doing the right next step by speaking to citizens advise and step change on Monday/Tuesday this week and I'm probably best off waiting until I have but I'm just so worried here's my story


My partner is self employed and work has been thin on the ground for the last 3/4 months ie no money coming in at all, so we resorted using my exsisting credit cards to pay rent,council tax.childcare costs, also withdrawing large payments to cover us further for the next 2 months as we are getting married in 3 weeks and couldn't cancel because a kind family member paid for the wedding we just had to pay for the holiday (were getting married abroad) unfortunately this had to put on credit as we left it to the last minute to pay thinking all would be good after Xmas! 18 months ago things were good when my partner went self employed, decided to get married etc etc!

However as mentioned above it all changed a few months ago, self employed work =zero! Family members could no longer look after my children so had to pay £1000 deposit (again on credit) to put them in to nursery whilst I work 2 days per week

I currently have catalogues, where I have used these too to buy birthday present and a new fridge as ours broke along with some new clothes for my children,

I'm really worried that all this spending in the last few months looks like fraud? I'm only thinking this as I spoke to my sister after plucking up the courage to tell someone for her to say I shouldn't be using my credit and it will be looked at like fraud because I now plan to get help with my spending and debts that have spiralled out of control .

Iv learnt that I will probably lose my car, although it's heavily relied on for work and children to school (it's value is around £3000) but I'm so stressed I actually couldn't care if it went as I just heed help and get my life back to normal

My question is do I just do a temporary £1 to all my creditors? Or file straight to bankruptcy? My partner cannot see his self employed picking up any time soon so Is looking for employed work which will not pay no where near his old income!

Any help would be most appreciated

Thank you

fermi

Fraud is where you deliberately lie or omit information asked for in order to obtain credit/money/and advantage that you otherwise would not have been given. Taking out freely offered credit in circumstances, even in circumstances where on an objective assessment you probably can't pay it back, is not usually crossing that that very strict legal threshold. The word 'fraud' is often thrown around where people don't understand the legal definition. In most cases as has previously been said, it could just be misconduct the could result in a bankruptcy restriction for a few years. Depends on the OR.

See what your appointments say next week. As you say as possible route could just be to make token/small payments for a while to see if things pick up and reserve the bankruptcy option for a later stage.

In the end though, not matter what pressure creditors put on you you shouldn't fee you have to be bounced into any particular solution. There is always more time than you think. Even in a extreme and unlikely case where creditors are taking legal action, even that takes a few months to do and longer to enforce, so you have time to consider options and can take the ultimate sanction of BR if all else fails.

Please try not to stress too much. All debt problems can be sorted in the end, even if it doesn't necessarily feel like it now.

needhelpplease12

Thank you,

I just can't stop thinking my head is going to explode!

I'm paying back what I can right now ie small payments on the catalogue but it's just the big credit card bills £200 a month that I can't afford to pay, iv not made a payment this month and I feel sick in not doing so as it's really not like me I feel like it's fraud because I haven't paid but yet used the credit money is a horrible word right now! I would love to be happy but right now I feel I'm along way off....I'm hoping to see the light soon x

egrescrimp

Thanks for sharing your story!

I personally don't believe you've done anything that would constitute fraud, you'd be surprised how many people live on and rely on credit heavily. What makes you believe it's fraud?

We bought some household goods the backend of last year on a catalogue, my OR had no problem at all with that was it was prior to seeking help for my debt and the items were essential to the running of our home.

Now that you've decided todo something about your debt problems, you need to stop using the credit facilities you have and chop up any cards you still have to avoid the temptation of using them again. You can make token gesture payments of £1 per month whilst you are working with StepChange and CAB to decide whats best for you, but it's not compulsory.

Once I made the decision to go bankrupt after talking to StepChange, I stopped paying everyone and put every penny I had into getting sorted for bankruptcy.

With regards to your car, with a value that high it's likely the OR will take an interest in that asset but that doesn't mean you will lose it. The OR may allow you to purchase the interest in the vehicle, which you may be able todo for a lot less than the valuation you currently have.

Try not to worry, I know it's easy to say but you are now about to seek help and it does get easier from this point! Trust me, I've been where you are now

needhelpplease12

Thanks egriscrimp,

I just feel like a fraudster in myself I suppose, living a good life then to this...just doesn't feel right..with 3 children to support .a wedding (which I should be happy about as so close to the day) yet the word bankruptcy,fraud,money, just whirling in my head, I just want to hide and come out when I see the light,

I know things will get easier as your stories have made me pluck the courage to seek help!

I will keep you all posted....now to smile and try and enjoy my Sunday x

TheGardener

Hi - I think there is a hangover of stigma and perceived criminality to BR that is simply 'myth' - there has been no debtors jail for a long, long time!
You are simply keeping your head above water and making sure you can put food on the table and keep working, please don't think you are doing anything wrong.

As others have said - you would be amazed how many people are living on a knife edge relying on credit to keep them going. the fact you even have access to credit proves you have been financially fine at some point. Survival is not fraud.

Getting married is so stressful even when all is fine - the stress levels will be affecting your perception just now anyway.
You may well lose the car but you will be given £1000 to buy another and there are plenty of budget motors about so don't worry about that.

Given that your income is now so low - have you checked out your benefit entitlement - particularly the Child Tax Credits and childcare allowances? You could do that online or as part of the meeting with StepChange - you have made the first step to deal with this in acknowledging there is a problem and seeking help - there is life after debt and BR and loads of support on here.

longtermplanner

I am not saying that you have committed fraud, but to be honest running up large credit card bills for a wedding 3 months before going bankrupt does not look good. I would suggest a token Debt Management Plan for a year or so. Perhaps things will improve and you can start to make larger payments. If they don't, then bankruptcy - you have done your best.

(nb I am assuming that your debts are more than £15,000 here? If they are less than £15,000 then a Debt Relief Order will probably be more appropriate than bankruptcy.)

macbabypam

Try to stop stressing until you gave spoken to the appropriate people. You sound just like I did, in a right old tizzy and scared stiff I had done something illegal. You have just been doing what every other parent has done by trying to look after your children and keep your head above water.

Honestly, thus won't turn out to be as bad as you think, and if BR turns out to be the tight solution for you, then that's not that bad either. In any case you will learn to live within a budget and have peace of mind that you gave tackled your financial situation and not buried your head in the sand.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, don't let this spoil your special day.

needhelpplease12

longtermplanner wrote: »

I am not saying that you have committed fraud, but to be honest running up large credit card bills for a wedding 3 months before going bankrupt does not look good. I would suggest a token Debt Management Plan for a year or so. Perhaps things will improve and you can start to make larger payments. If they don't, then bankruptcy - you have done your best.

(nb I am assuming that your debts are more than £15,000 here? If they are less than £15,000 then a Debt Relief Order will probably be more appropriate than bankruptcy.)

Hi yes debts are over 15,000, but it wasn't all racked up on just wedding items, I have used my credit for rent,shopping,clothing all 5 of us along with fuel too,

I can understand it probably wouldn't be looked good upon but how else are we supposed to get by? Il await to see what step change say today