6 Years On - My story as OH of bankrupt

4$£&*(£$&*(! · 6 May 2014 at 10:00PM

This month marks the sixth year anniversary of my significant other becoming bankrupt. I would like to share our story from an unusual angle from me who has never had debt issues and how bankruptcy has affected both of us.

When we met I was unaware of any debt issues. Through a bullying landlord I found out she was being harassed to leave the property as the landlord wanted it back, rather than any problems she posed as a tenant. We had been a couple for about a year and a half at this point. I suggested she moves in with me and that's when everything came out.

The debt at this point was around £14k and happened from her daily living costs to support a child as a lone parent following being made redundant after a business was taken over. I realised how blinkered I was, not realising the unopened post and the silent phone calls were part of the overall debt problem. I got hold of the relevant post and started shredding the rest - we filled over six dustbin bags full for recycling.

When moving day came it was unusual for me to have a family after living alone for several years before and only being financially responsible for me. My background is very traditional. If I want it, I save for it. I only ever took out a loan once for a car which was repaid within a year and I hated having that loan. I had a mortgage which I worked with fever pitch to pay off. This debt was all new territory for me.

I started going through paperwork and realised this was too much for me. At the time the BBC Bailiffs programme was being repeated on UK Gold and this really worried me. I had visions of a bailiff turning up at my doorstep to list items, with me arguing the things were mine and them saying if you can't show us a receipt it's going. OH was a bit in denial still having just moved since the letters had stopped. I knew this wasn't going away but there was no urgency in addressing this so after spending a day on google I phoned my local Insolvency Service and asked for a local financial adviser. I booked a slot, got all the paperwork together, then announced to OH I had booked us a slot.

The adviser said with compounded interest, fees and other issues the amount was now closer to £22k. There was nothing to show for any of this. No designer clothes, a car that was scrapped because of engine problems, an old computer a friend had given her, a bed, a fold-out sofa, a TV and some kitchen bits. Really that sums it up. This was the big thing for me, had you asked me what bankruptcy meant before then I would probably have said nice car, nice home, luxurious irresponsible lifestyle. Seeing this first-hand, a £14k debt had spiralled over a third more on fees and compounded interest alone on daily living expenses with virtually no assets to show at the end.

We went to court and I paid the fees. Part of the arrangements for living together is I covered the household bills, OH covered groceries. After bankruptcy a strange thing happened. New Cashminder account, no deductions for rent or bills any more, so the first shopping trip happened. Several treats went in the basket and I warned about being careful. I was quickly slapped down and told 'it's fine' but it wasn't. A week until payday and she was down to her last £10 in the bank. Rightly or wrongly I said I was not helping. That was tough as it would have been so easy for me to pay it but we both had clearly defined financial responsibilities in her relationship so I told myself this was tough love. If I bail out this time I could be making her situation worse in the future.

That week was tough and we all ate really basically that week. It did work though and was never repeated. Along the way we have had some budgeting issues, she admits will never be the same as me financially but we've worked together and I've managed to get her back on track when things don't go to plan.

I see a lot of prejudice still happen now with bankruptcy. I acknowledge there will be opulence and people who live the luxury lifestyle before going bankrupt but am in the firm belief these people are in the minority and the vast majority of bankruptcy is unplanned and unexpected. I have fought hard over the past few years to change opinions in many groups including my battle with home insurers which many on here have contributed to. I have had some small wins along the way. I continue to challenge inappropriate situations with others be it large organisations or something as simple as tweeting a certain bankrupt celeb who thinks it is appropriate to promote a high cost payday lending company.

In my line of work I have also been able to influence financial groups in the community and feel my experiences have given me far more understanding of the difficulties some people face and why bankruptcy is a really hard problem for those going through it.

I consider the six years to be the end of our personal road but not the end of our journey. If I can make others think differently about bankruptcy and debt in general I can help make a real difference to people's lives. I think large organisations including the newly-formed FCA are largely ignorant about bankruptcy issues following their handling of my insurance complaint (the essence of this argument is to stop perpetually asking if anyone in the household has ever been bankrupt which I think is an immoral question) but I continue the battle. I hope it is not as a lone ranger and if I can inspire just one person to go out and make a difference it will be worth it.

This forum is a jewel and there is no other area like it online. The support on here is fantastic and I hope others about to embark on the long road of bankruptcy will be in our position coming out the other end in time to come. I thought in the past I would not return to this board once the bankruptcy was done and dusted but - although not as regular poster as I once was - I cannot see a time I will totally say goodbye and still like to help out when I can.

Best of luck to all.

:beer: