Single and on DMP - how do you cope?

WhereIsMyRainbow

Hello,

I've been lurking for a while but have decided to post. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place. I'm currently on a DMP and that's going ok, although it'll take a few more years to clear my debts.

The thing I find the hardest is pressure from friends and having a limited social life. I know it's my fault I got into debt and I take responsibility. Even though some of my friends know, their idea of socialising is to go out eating/drinking or out shopping. It's depressing (and boring!) for me to wander round shops with them, and I often make excuses simply because I can't afford to go out. As I'm single, my friendship circle is limit due to most people being in couples, and there is no way I could afford to date anyone at the moment. I joined a social group but had to stop going but all the activities involved spending money so I feel pretty isolated at times. I've even looked into volunteering but most place want weekday volunteers (I work) or a commitment of every weekend (which I can't give as it's weekends when I see family and friends).

I wondered if anyone else out there is single and coping with a limited income, and how you manage the isolation and social side of things?

Standingtall

WhereIsMyRainbow wrote: »

Hello,

I've been lurking for a while but have decided to post. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place. I'm currently on a DMP and that's going ok, although it'll take a few more years to clear my debts.

The thing I find the hardest is pressure from friends and having a limited social life. I know it's my fault I got into debt and I take responsibility. Even though some of my friends know, their idea of socialising is to go out eating/drinking or out shopping. It's depressing (and boring!) for me to wander round shops with them, and I often make excuses simply because I can't afford to go out. As I'm single, my friendship circle is limit due to most people being in couples, and there is no way I could afford to date anyone at the moment. I joined a social group but had to stop going but all the activities involved spending money so I feel pretty isolated at times. I've even looked into volunteering but most place want weekday volunteers (I work) or a commitment of every weekend (which I can't give as it's weekends when I see family and friends).

I wondered if anyone else out there is single and coping with a limited income, and how you manage the isolation and social side of things?

Hi and welcome:)

I spent two of the last three years as a single mum on a DMP. it certainly is hard work! I was fortunate that I got an annual bonus which I used for a holiday and I was also lucky that my parents would take me on weekends away; this was a trade off for them mind, as they are elderly and not in tiptop health so I would drive and push the wheelchair etc.

Like you though, I did not socialise a lot as could not afford it. It is depressing. I did come clean with a couple of friends however and they were happy not to include me in 'rounds' at the pub meaning I could sneak in a small bottle of vodka and just buy the odd mixer:o

Shopping trips were something I definately avoided and there are not any tips I can give for those. Horrid things!

I joined a few forums on the internet, such as this one. Ok so we are not all real friends but at least it breaks up the isolation a little. Additionally my daughter was in a dance school and did competitions - these got me out of the house during school hols and weekends. They also ensured I learnt to sew and make dance outfits since they were far to expensive to buy new! It was all good fun.

Fortunately for me i have now fallen in love with, and married, a wonderful man who is understanding of my debts too. And...I REALLY BELIEVED I WOULD REMAIN SINGLE FOR LIFE!! So, who knows what is round the corner!

I hope these small tips help a little. I wish I had a magic wand for you though as it is hard.

Chin up:beer:

ST

Giraffeseeker

Which social group did you join? I am in Ladies circle which is for 18-45 year olds. We pay what we can afford by standing order each month and activities come out of that but there is a range of costs - lots of free or very low cost nights at circlers houses, mixed with cheap-ish meals out, mixed with posh balls a few times a year but no pressure to go to everything. I like the fact i pay monthly as it means at the end of a pay month I can still go if I want. I pay £20 a month and go to most things, even the expensive ones. It's great fun and I have made a lot of new friends. Most circles meet twice a month. I decided a whole lifestyle change when I started my DMP including stopping so many expensive boozy nights out with current friends, and circle has helped. This month has been a self defence class (£5) and a "bring something for the buffet" night at a circlers house (£0). Next month there is a cheap meal out at a noodle bar (£10) and a movie night at a circlers house (£0) - all circles are different but all are friendly!

punto01

I feel your pain - I am the same - single and on a DMP and worse I am living with the parents! About to turn 30! :eek::eek:

I have also found it difficult especially over the past few years. I rarely go out and I am pretty sure people find it weird (people you chat to that don't know about the debts like colleagues, hairdressers, etc) and to add to the injury I am also always single. Of course the first response whenever you talk about being single is - you need to get out more!!

I have done volunteering which is great and I have made some friends through this. I was a volunteer fundraiser in a group so would get together and meet and arrange events - that is a nice way to meet people and a common interest.

Spice group looks fantastic - but again can't afford most of the trips out are quite expensive.

I have been lucky to meet some new people through my part time job and in particular one friend who is also a poor singleton so it has been nice to just go round hers and chill out and watch TV.

I have tried internet dating in the past which was kind of meh but I am open to trying it again but as you say going out with someone is expensive you can't just expect them to pay all the time!

As for the future - don't know - but I have got a long hard road ahead of me too. If you ever want to chat message me

JustAboutThere

WhereIsMyRainbow wrote: »

I've even looked into volunteering but most place want weekday volunteers (I work) or a commitment of every weekend (which I can't give as it's weekends when I see family and friends).

I'm not sure where you're based, but Go Volunteering has events on a weekend - no experience required, just turn up when you say you will, join in and have fun and no commitment required.

I haven't done any for awhile, but the one's I did participate in involved things like cutting back holly on a Common not far from my home and clearing pond weed (waders, etc. supplied).

Both times we ended up down the pub at the end of the day (hate to think what they thought of us - we were seriously 'dressed down' and rather grubby), but its easy enough to say you have to get home.

http://www.csv.org.uk/volunteering/environmental-conservation/GO-London-events

Good luck.

WhereIsMyRainbow

Thanks very much to everyone who has replied, I'm really grateful. It helps to know I'm not alone in being in this situation.