Standing in front of a mountain

Ninnins

Thanks again guys

I think my reluctance to post a SOA is because I know where I've gone wrong - I've been spending ridiculous amounts on non-essentials for ME.

My logic has been that I spend so much time/money/effort/care on others, I "deserve" to treat myself too. You know, the old "I'm worth it" chestnut. I can't believe how I've been sucked-in and allowed myself to be so stupid. None of the "stuff" I bought is still around, it has regularly sat in charity shops. I know how this all must sound. There are complex issues that I won't go into.

I have followed all the good MSE advice to go for cheaper utilities etc and I often sashay over to the other boards to pick-up frugal living hints and advice. Although I'm sure I could still shave off a bit here and there on things like groceries, it is more a case of stopping the idiotic spending. Ironically, I'm great with the pennies - it just means I think I have more pounds to spend!

I absolutely know where I have been spending, and what I need to do know is to take stock. I need to "white knuckle" it. I can only liken it to something like an addiction - a bit like gambling or other adrenalin highs, followed by the remorse of the come-down. That side of things is very complex and I am seeking self-help routes, which appear to be working.

It is true, I've posted on here before about the debt - but have not done what it takes to get to grips with it, ie even after the LBM I have continued to fly in the face of my debts and continue to spend.

However, right now, I feel totally exhausted by being sick and tired of it. There are some things I still need to do - I need to get out of the mortgage deal I'm on (will have a browse at the mortgage threads) as I don't think its helping. I need to remember this feeling every time I get the urge to spend.

DC2 is contributing £250 a month, which at least covers some of the household expenses and a friend has been lodging with us - £320 a month all in. I've already incorporated this into my total income.

sourcrates

Ninnins wrote: »

It is true, I've posted on here before about the debt - but have not done what it takes to get to grips with it, ie even after the LBM I have continued to fly in the face of my debts and continue to spend.

Most people can relate to that, I was very similar when I was younger, I would spend on credit cards, thinking I can pay this no problem, but then you cant, and you have to borrow again, and so on, and so on, eventually you reach the end of your credit line and realise there is no were else to go, but unless your iron willed its just human nature I suppose, eventually you will run out of money if the spending continues, you do need to get a grip on this now !!!

bess1234_2

A lot of people on here replace the high of spending with the high of debt busting. It really is quite addictive once you face it. Have you read stressed Steph's diary on the diaries page. It's fab watching her progress. Or looked at the challenges, to find once small one to motivate you and get you into the swing, until your ready to face the lot in a structured soa/plan/ budget/spreadsheet kind of way.

But you do need to face it. Good luck. And if it can't be done, then I'm sure getting help from stepchange or national debt line sooner rather than later would be a good thing

Best wishes.

Ninnins

Thanks sourcrates and bess

I do think I'm at that point, sourcrates - the money has run out and I'm backed against a corner. Bess, I wondered about Stepchange et al but thought they'd only help if you're in "crisis" which I kind of hope I'm not, as I am meeting minimum payments. I will definitely approach them and have a look at Steph's diary.

Thanks for your support and non-judgmental advice.

themull1

Could you take partial retirement where you are in the public sector, would that pay off your debt with your lump sum? and definitely think of downsizing!!

sourcrates

Ninnins wrote: »

Thanks sourcrates and bess

I do think I'm at that point, sourcrates - the money has run out and I'm backed against a corner. Bess, I wondered about Stepchange et al but thought they'd only help if you're in "crisis" which I kind of hope I'm not, as I am meeting minimum payments. I will definitely approach them and have a look at Steph's diary.

Thanks for your support and non-judgmental advice.

No problem,You can manage it your self if you wish, a self managed DMP is easy peasy to do, you first need to gather your thoughts, if you cant afford your credit payments, stop paying, work out what you can reasonably afford to pay towards your debts, then contact your creditors to explain the situation, and to make your offer of payment, your only problem will be this, creditors are notoriously uncooperative when it comes to offers of payments, if you really want to get this sorted, hold payment on personal credit debts until the accounts have been sold on to DCA`s, they are much more willing to accept lower offers, may sound alien to you, but can work out best in the long run, as long as you communicate with your creditors, that's the key, of course if you prefer someone to do it for you, then one of the free debt charities is the way to go, what ever you choose to do, you need to make that decision and stick to it, yes its hard, but ultimately necessary, I wish you the best of luck with it all.:)

Ninnins

themull1 wrote: »

Could you take partial retirement where you are in the public sector, would that pay off your debt with your lump sum? and definitely think of downsizing!!

Thanks the mull, I've considered both options. I would need to effectively resign from my current post and be reinstated into a post with less responsibility. That would then enable me to access my lump sum. It is enough to cover the debts. However if I do that I'd take a massive tax hit on my salary/residual pension and I would be doing myself out of what is possibly one of the best public sector pensions going - the OP on the pensions site has definitely put me off that.

Downsizing is probably the only way to go. In the meantime, I am balking at my only choice for the short term, and that is to stick with minimum payments, paying massive interest just to tread water.

hohum

Hi, it sounds like you don't have some easy decisions to make but there are options.

In the meantime, if you don't want to post an SOA it might be worth doing one for yourself. It may highlight areas you could focus on.

If spending without thinking is an issue - ie you should have lots of disposable income but somehow don't, might be worth tracking spending? I'm going to sound like I work for them but I've been using software called ynab and really like it. Takes a while to get used to, is essentially envelope budgeting but it's really easy to track spends. You can move the budget about and the idea is to check what you have to spend in a category, not in the bank.

Or there are lots of challenges which you could join? I suggest all these because I get it can be pretty demotivatibg to be treading water while you try to decide what to do. Some people break the debt payment into chunks. I'm just putting money into repayments, sticking to budget and not thinking about how long at this rate it will take!

Ninnins

Hi hohum, thanks for the tip on ynab - great resource! After having a browse at the site I downloaded to my iphone as I think it will be easier to track spending "on the go" so to speak.

I know where I'm spending I just haven't been able to stop - given my situation I know how ridiculous this sounds. I am forcing myself to write it and hear it often in the hope that it will sink in and serve as a reminder.

Hopefully, if I track every single spend then I will be confronted with the reality of it - and keeping a running total will force the issue.

Ninnins

I don't know that for sure but only you can decide when you're ready, no-one can do it for you. What needs to happen so you will be ready? What I'm saying is please don't continue to put this off as this simply delays the time when you could be free of debt. And free of the worry and stress. You will feel much better when you know you have proper control of your finances by making wise decisions now.

Hi Jennifour, tried to post a longer reply earlier but there was a technical glitch with the forum - but wanted to say thank you so much - wake-up call hear loud and clear! Thanks for the encouragement that there is still time! Need to hear that ...