Looking for advice for my Mum please... (Good old BF getting her in debt!).

Legacy_user

Hello,

As you will see from my badge I am a graduate of this part of the forum (:j:beer:) but I am after some advice for my Mum.

Basically my Mum, in her 50s, unemployed on employment support allowance and in the process of going through an application for personal independence payment (think that is what it is called?) is in a lot of debt.

Mum met a boyfriend last year, who seemingly had loads of money, and loves to splash the cash, looking the big man and generally just robbing Peter to pay Paul. He has got his head well and truly buried in the sand and I've been trying to help him, via my Mum, to clear his debt without his house getting repossessed.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that my Mum has been getting credit to help him (the money has been going to him but I know she is liable) and she is now in debt to the tune of almost £9,000.

£5,000 to Amigo loans. This is a loan in my Mums name with him (the BF) as the guarantor and so far it has been paid 3 or 4 times and the last month he didn't pay it as despite Mum giving him the money (which he agreed he would be paying monthly) he has spent the money on another debt or a load of donations to the model railway and things he can't afford to do. This is now in arrears by 1 month, 2 months on the 1st of May and she can't afford to pay it now.

£1,800 to Simply Be. This is partly her fault, buying items for people and paying it back monthly, but since he's been on the scene he's had electrical items and what not from it and she's been paying it back (not in arrears at the moment).

£250 Vanquis - Just under the limit of £250 at the moment.

£1000 Capital One - Just under the limit of £1,000 at the moment.

£250 Aqua Card - Just under the limit of £250 at the moment.

So far Mum has been managing to pay all of her bills on time, which is something she has done for years, and now she's been helping him she has been getting in more and more trouble. Basically I want to know what her options are. She does not own her own home, has no car or other sellable assets and while she could make small payments she can't afford the minimum on all of the credit cards AND the amigo loan (which I strongly advised her against doing I might add!).

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. At the moment her boyfriend keeps saying that he is going to pay it all off when he sells his house but the way things are going I think he will end up having his house repossessed as he is too busy wasting his money on rubbish, also he has started being aggressive because she is involved in sorting his finances (which he asked for). I know things are coming to a head and my Mum is going to be stuck with all this debt. Now she willingly took it out, and knows she is liable for it all, and to be frank was trying to be with him until he sold up and got it all sorted, I will add that before she met him she had around £400 of catalogue debt that had got down from £980 odd and was managing her money effectively, even treating me sometimes, so I know this is down to him and frankly i'm not surprised she's got herself in this mess, as she does these stupid things to try and help people...

No nasty judgements about my Mum please just advice/support that you can think of that I can use to help her. I can help with a small amount of savings, but don't have a pot big enough to help and frankly loathsome to do it because of him!

DanFish

if she stops paying the amigo loan then the boyfriend will have to pay it as he is the guarantor. Obviusly missing payments will affect her credit rating but if the loan was for him then he should pay it.

National_Debtline

Hello there,

Given your mother's circumstances it's likely that her options will either be:

a) Small, affordable, token payments to each creditor. This would be in writing, supported by a comprehensive financial statement (aka statement of account)

b) A Debt Relief Order. This is a formal, insolvency-based measure but is a simple, straight-forward process. If her disposable income is below £50 each month (the PIP payment wouldn't count towards income, by the way). This *may* be an option.

The general criteria for a DRO is that her debts are under £15,000; and assets worth less than £300. If an application is successful, her debts will be written off after 12 months.

A brief word of warning, though, is that Amigo would still be able to chase him for the money - as they are 'jointly and severally liable' for the debt.

Here is a link to our DRO fact sheet: https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/factsheets/Pages/37%20EW%20Debt%20relief%20orders%20%28DROs%29/Default.aspx

Very best wishes,

David @ NDL.

DanFish

should have added talk to one the debt advice charities i'm nowhere near as informed as they are

NHS_worker_bee

Hello Katy,

Really sorry to hear about this situation, especially as your Mum's partner has started to become aggressive regarding the financial situation. He sounds like a nasty piece of work, relying on your Mum's kindness and generally being manipulative.

I certainly don't have any nasty judgements about your Mum, but realistically, reading your post as someone who is detached from the situation, I don't believe he's going to pay the debt back either.

As you said, unfortunately the debt is in her name. But he's unlikely to help her pay it back (and does she even want to be in a relationship with someone who has so little respect for her?)

The best thing would be for your Mum to get OUT of the relationship, do a SOA, work out if she is in debt crisis (if she's missing repayments, this seems probable?) and contact one of the excellent debt advice charities for people in this situation (StepChange or National Debtline)

Obviously debt is a situation you yourself have been through, and it must be heartbreaking to see your mum in this situation. You need to be strong for her and encourage her to get out of the bad personal situation first, then tackle the debt.

Sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say, I didn't want to just ignore your post, I hope you can support your Mum to leave this man and make a fresh start. (Maybe she would even like to browse this forum herself, it's so good to know there are other people dealing with debt too?)

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan

System

He lives in Wales and Mum in Essex so she is in the process of being nice to him today and he is going to drive her home so that she can 'cool off', then I will make sure she changes her number and all of that stuff. This happened once before and I get the impression that she made up with him because she was so worried about all of the debt.

Hopefully this time I have convinced her that I can help her sort it (even if it takes a long time) and without that worry she will be free not to bother with him anymore.

Just to clarify what would be considered as assets? Mum lives in a council bungalow, no car, no savings just £100 of premium bonds I believe (although they may be gone now who knows?!) and so she just has things like a sofa, tv, white goods etc. Would they count as assets?

When the Amigo loan payment was missed before they started pursuing both my Mum and her BF and they said that she would have to pay £40 of the £200 monthly payment from her benefits. She did that for the month they were apart and after almost 3 weeks he coughed up his £160 portion but then he took pay day loans that month so he had the cash, frankly I'm not bothered about his financial situation just Mums.

At present she isn't necessarily behind with anything, besides the months Amigo payment. Of course he won't pay the debt back, and Mum has finally realised that now which I think has led her decision in finally cutting the strings and cutting him off. Last time he went to the police to try to say that we had conned him (he gave me a £700 camera for my birthday and when I said I wouldn't give a gift back he tried to get me in trouble - nothing came of it of course as I could prove it was a gift and the company he bought it from had him on record putting the transaction through) and he said that my Mum had extorted him, obviously with the debt she has that isn't true either but at least I know they know he's that sort of person from last time!

A huge THANK YOU to everyone taking the time to reply, once she is home I can chat with her tomorrow morning about the options and at least alleviate her worries about her door being booted in and her oven, sofa etc being repossessed.

Eviesmummy

No advice, but I wanted to give you and your Mum a big virtual (((hug)))

NHS_worker_bee

katykicker wrote: »

When the Amigo loan payment was missed before they started pursuing both my Mum and her BF and they said that she would have to pay £40 of the £200 monthly payment from her benefits. She did that for the month they were apart and after almost 3 weeks he coughed up his £160 portion but then he took pay day loans that month so he had the cash, frankly I'm not bothered about his financial situation just Mums.

Frankly I wouldn't bother about his financial situation at all (he owes your Mum thousands of pounds then takes out more payday loans yet still hasn't paid her back?!)

Just focus on supporting your Mum, she's lucky to have you. And keep your chin up

National_Debtline

It could be useful to run through our dealing with debts guide:

https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/steps/Pages/default.aspx

David.

Hillbilly2

Couldn't read without offering more hugs!


I hope she can work through this with you. She is lucky to have someone who can see the problems coming and try and prevent them.


I am now estranged from my mother and a manipulative new partner was part of the reason. She is now divorced, homeless and jobless as he controlled all of that.


Your relationship sounds much stronger, well done.


There are many great people to offer sound advice on debt - as you know. I can only offer emotional support!

eyeopener2

Just wanted to jump and say well done for sorting things this far. Hopefully everything will settle and you won't hear from him again.