Do people know about your debt?

Kate_fixing_it

I have a few close friends that know. These are in fact friends that are perceived as quite wealthy. They are massively supportive, one offered me the money to clear it all! I refused, it's my mess and I will get out of it. I explained I was asking for emotional and moral support from them. Turns out all three have been in my shoes and they have been amazing.

One friend continues to re-iterate that he's happy to help financially too but I've made it very clear that the only reason I will borrow is if I cannot feed my children and with a sensible budget that's not going to happen.

Other than those people (DH knows too) and my boss (who found out when my car broke down and I fell apart!) I don't see that it is anyone's business. If I was involved in a discussion and I was asked I wouldn't lie but it's never come up.

I work in a very competitive environment. I see my colleagues literally trying to out-do each other in every way - be it weight loss, holidays, cars, clothing and even cakes brought in for birthdays (yes, really!) As Hettiecaro has said on the forum I see things differently now. I can look at these people and almost see the debt on their shoulders. We have a pay scale so we have a good idea what is earned and there's simply no way that there isn't debt involved to some extent (okay so I'm judging a little) but who has the better quality of life?

Payday is just another day for me, I see these people counting down until the 25th every single month then looking more and more fraught each month but still booking a holiday to "escape". I have nothing to escape from now. I'm have everything I NEED and whilst there's more I'd like to have I'm not suffering by "going without" but I would ultimately suffer if I tried to keep up.

Complete digression there (sorry!) But I think it's important to recognise the strength in realising that money isn't everything - for me happiness and peace is. It's a huge relief to step off that merry go round and just live.

Kate x

dini_2

I told no one at the beginning. I had an idea it was bad but I honestly didn't really realise how much debt I had. (Ostritch tendencies)
I got a huge tax bill, because I was working a second job (to try and pay off the interest on the cards), and was paying basic rate tax. I didn't have the cash to pay it.
I asked my brother for a loan, he didnt have it, so he told my other brother, who told my parents. They gave me a loan to pay the tax bill. I got a huge ear bashing from my brother, so I lied about how much it was.
I then came here. Lurked for a bit, phoned payplan, and actually faced up to my debts.
The total was £66k unsecured cards and loans. 7 yrs later, I owe 18k
I am waver between being proud I have paid it off, and being angry that I let it get that bad. I could have saved around £50k (Although realistically It wouldnt have been that much) over the past seven years instead of giving it to DCAs....
Anyway to get back on topic, 3 friends know I have "some" debt, and only 1 knows the full extent. My family think all is hunky dory now.
And yes, the main reason I dont discuss it is shame.

Puddylove

Thanks all.
I don't actively seek out people to tell but I don't hide it either. My family, my partner and some friends know.

I told one apparently wealthy friend I was trying to pay back £14k, she responded by saying she owed £50k plus.

When I told my partner that I live on a budget, his response was to offer me money. I don't want money, just support.

I do manage my debt (no defaults, late payments etc) so don't feel ashamed, just determined to get rid of it while I'm employed and able to.

Debt is just 'normalised' in our society, isn't it? A material possessions merry-go-round.

X

NHS_worker_bee

Puddylove wrote: »

I do manage my debt (no defaults, late payments etc) so don't feel ashamed, just determined to get rid of it while I'm employed and able to.

Me too, but I'll be so relieved to get rid of it. I've only told my OH, although I would be happy to talk about it if I thought my experiences could help a friend in a similar situation.

Kate_fixing_it, I loved your post, so very true x

savingmummy

Well in regards to family only my parents know about my DH`s debt but not mine (its kind of minor in comparison to others debt <£600).
DH`s family wouldn't be interested, nor very sympathetic:rotfl:

Close friends know `we can`t afford fancy days out, holidays, nights out, ANYTHING regarding spending money`.
They don`t know the reasons, Some I think have guessed as its pretty obvious.
They have never asked, we`ve never told.

Most our friends use credit cards and live a good fun life, I`m `assuming` they are also in debt but keep it secret.

Only one close friend of mine have confessed to me she owes a lot on credit cards to which I gave her sympathy and advice I`ve learnt from here - she is yet to follow it.

yamsteroo

I broke down and told my OH (only when it reached the stage I couldn't hide it any more, ie, the phone calls were about to start) though to this day not the extent of it, he just knew it was a lot. He's the only one who knows.


I'm proud that I have worked through it and repaid all I owed and I could have sang from the rooftops on my debt free day but I resisted as my work colleagues especially would be very judgemental.


I was happy though to share my joy with the people who have got me through it - this forum and my OH

DigForVictory

My immediate family do - husband & children. As sole breadwinner, we've had a bit of practice at expectation management & my husband has a real talent with charity shop finds.

Our parents? Not told - it would only distress them. Our friends? Don't ask, don't tell. I cheerfully admire MSE for its many virtues & let them figure it out.

That said, my in-laws regularly send us home with food parcels. (In the car I joke I put bread on the table but those wonderful pensioners put meat on it! She shops at three diffent supermarkets & only ever buys on promotion - I hope to be half as canny when I have her time.)

My parents have no idea & that keeps a lot of the peace.

FireWyrm

DigForVictory wrote: »

That said, my in-laws regularly send us home with food parcels. (In the car I joke I put bread on the table but those wonderful pensioners put meat on it! She shops at three diffent supermarkets & only ever buys on promotion - I hope to be half as canny when I have her time.)

My MIL used to do that, ticked me right off. It was tantamount to saying I wasnt good enough at managing.

As for different supermarkets, I do that. Aldi for the basics, Tesco for the meat (soon to be stopped, I have a half piggy destined for the freezer from a friend with a small holding) and Morrisons for deli and anything else fresh. It takes me about 2 hours to do the shop. I go on a mission armed with a list. I know exactly what I want to buy, where and how much I'm prepared to pay for it. Anything else in the way is ignored unless it counts as a really good bargain on something I was going to buy anyway.

Stackli

Hello, this is my first post. I've been in debt for a while but really can't hide from it now. I'm finding it really difficult to get people to understand as they're used to me throwing my money around, although I am able to use the excuse that I've just moved to London and the bills are very high!

My Mum knows that I have debts but I'm not sure she knows how big they are. She is very supportive but unfortunately when I talk to her about it she gets upset as she thinks it is her own debt management and behaviour that has caused mine.

I'm just trying to be honest with friends now and hope they get it. Unfortunately my bf has never had an issue with money in his life and trying to get him to "get it" might take some work!

Nowisnow

Havn't told anyone. My OH would kill me! Told kids there is a recession on - don't seem bothered. Were probably spoiled before. Have been very lucky in being able to take on a relatively well paid second job, though. I explained it by saying I was hedging my bets in case of redundancy.

Keep plugging away all!