Retired and in trouble - Help!!!

liasara3

I am mid 70s years old and have recently run away from my partner (3 years older than me) after 8 years of living together because of his increasing dependence on debts and mis-management of our finances.
We moved in together 8 years ago and relocated down the coast. He seemed very charming, elegant, caring and fun to be with.
He introduced me to antiques which he liked to buy. He would also buy me dresses and jewelry saying that they were only a few pounds. I had often offered to pay for his purchases with *my* credit card thinking that he would repay back the money. But it
never happened because all his accounts (debit and credit cards) had already reached overdraft limit. To keep the peace :-( , I
was compelled to pay the credit cards with my pension and little savings I had. When we met I only had my pension, very little savings and some pension credit (that I now have to repay), but I was very fond of him and enjoyed his company and trusted him. He too had his pension but he also had overdrafts!
We also took out a loan to help us clear our overdrafts and agreed that for the first 3 1/2 years I would help him repay it. We also agreed that after the 3 1/2 years he would pay the remaining outstanding loan, which he has done for only a few months (he's refusing to continue the payment because I of my decision to split up with him).

Eight years down the line and I am left with a £10,000+ in debts on my credit & debit cards, a loan that he refuses to pay up because of my decision to leave him, and if it weren't for my daughter I would also be homeless and destitute. I have been living out of 2 suitcases for the past 2 months! It is all I have left :-( :-(

My partner's behaviour had also become increasingly agitated and patronizing. He would not let me discuss ways to resolve our situation, and because of his medications he was often also quite verbally aggressive (he's on antidepressant and epileptic drug). He often picked on me and put me down :-(
I have offered to pay £100 per months towards the lease of the flat we rented together until September 2014 (the lease will expire then) but he demands that I pay the telephone bill (our landline was disconnected because of his refusal to use Skype and made many calls to mobile phones).

I am afraid that he might taunt me and demand that my daughter pays his and my debts. My daughter is a single parent, she is not well off and with her job she can just about cope financially.

I have arthritis, a mitral valve prolapse and I am still in recovery after the removal of a carcinoma that required operation and radiotherapy.

Could please anyone suggest ways so that I can completely separate my financial affairs from my (ex) partner's (we have a joint account for the bills; my pension goes into my own account he has not access to) and I can try to clear my debts and not have my daughter involved in this situation.

Thank you in advance.

lola.lo

Hi liasara

Didn't want to read and not post - I'm sure someone will be along soon to give you some great advice. It sounds to me that you've done the right thing detaching yourself from this man.

Are the debts yours or his? From reading your post it sounds like you're willing to help him pay his which is lovely but please look out for yourself.

BILLIE

Evening Liasara - also didn't want to read and run and am so sorry to read what has happened to you. Personally I think you need some legal advice - lots of Solicitors give half hour or one hours advice FOC. Please do not pay anything further from him, but keep up payments for as long as possible on bills that are in your name. Would suggest that your make contact with your creditors and explain the situation (only what you need to not full details) mainly your new address so that you can slowly disentangle yourself from this rogue.


I am sure there will be someone on here who will be able to help more and good luck.


Billie x

FireWyrm

His behaviour sounds like that of a conman frankly and I think you might have been had, which I suspect you know.

Right. First things first is to get yourself stable. You need to head on down to CAB asap and you need to go through this with a professional face to face. This forum is no place to get the kind of help and support you need on an ongoing basis. CAB will be able to furnish you with names, addresses and contacts close to where you live and who are qualified and equipped to help you more long term. After them, try AgeConcern and your local library will often have lists of support groups for this kind of thing. Your doctor will know council support contacts and who you can turn to in terms of housing and income. In the meantime, I suggest you start protecting what assets you have by moving banks, changing passwords, PINs and anything else that he once knew or had access to. Once he realises you are gone (and this isnt just a silly spat), he will a) try to get you back by pleading and when that doesnt work, b) clean you out for good and disappear leaving you holding the bag. He may well already have another mark in mind, these people often do. You need to disentangle yourself from him and that means legally as well as financially and you will need real help to do it.

I'm sorry we cant be there to help in more depth, but this kind of situation is far beyond the resources of a faceless forum like this. I cannot over emphasise that you need to be talking to real people tomorrow morning and getting real tangible help immediately.

longtermplanner

I agree with going to CAB for advice. You need help to separate your affairs, tackle your debts (ask them whether a Debt Relief Order might be appropriate) and possibly rehousing if you don't want / can't stay at your daughters.

liasara3

Thank you All for your replies. It means a lot to me.
My daughter will take me down to CAB tomorrow!

lola.lo wrote: »

Hi liasara
....
Are the debts yours or his? From reading your post it sounds like you're willing to help him pay his which is lovely but please look out for yourself.

Some are mine credit and debit cards accounts, and we have a joined account that's been used for the loan, bills and food.
I thought of also going down to a closest branch of my bank tomorrow to inform them of my new address and explain the situation because I fear that he might draw more money from our joint account.
Can I close my share of the joint account?
Will the bank cause me trouble (I am not refusing to pay my part of the loan)?

BILLIE

Hi Liasara - from my experience, but this was back in 1997, when I was going through a divorce I wanted to close the joint account as my salary was paid into it and was worried he would take out the money before bills were covered. They let me open a new account, transfer the DD's but then when that was done would not transfer the salary (mine) that had just been paid in. I had to have his signature to close completely. But all that said, talk to them and see how they can help you, but I would say take out via the cash machine any money that you can that you know is yours. I am not saying fleece him, although he deserves it, but had I done that there would have been nothing that they could have done!! Good luck hope all goes well tomorrow and do keep us posted so that we can help in some way. Billie xx

BILLIE

Hi Liasara - have been wondering how you got on with bank CAB etc? Do hope you are managing to sort things out. Billie x

MoneyMate

Hi liasara, Firstly Welcome to MSE forum, like others had to reply to such a fascinating story, hope you get it sorted as soon as possible.
Good luck in the future .

liasara3

First of all I wish to thank all who have replied to my thread with their advise, suggestions and support.

I did meet with my bank financial adviser who understood my situation and immediately froze the interest on my personal account overdraft and the joint account overdraft.
Early this week I had an appointment with a legal adviser at the CAB (I had to wait a few weeks for an appointment to be allocated) who recommended to 1) call PayPlan and 2) change my bank account.


I contacted on the same day PayPlan, on Monday, and the operators on the telephone explained to me that I will be able to pay all my debts within 5 years paying £170 per month. It seems a much better deal (£7,000 less to pay in interest rate) than the one my bank is offering at the moment (Halifax). BUT there are 2 factors that worry me:

1) PyPlan cannot guarantee that the bank will not take me to court;
and
2)PyPlan cannot guarantee that the interest on the credit card will be frozen.

I'm a bit lost. What does anyone suggest?

Thank you in advance

Lensman_2

I am 20 years behind you in age, but I was still shocked at the lack of honour among creditors when you get in to debt. It took a long time to realise that I was much better off ditching the bank I had previously had so much respect for. And pride in holding my loan, mortgage and current account with. (I hope you don't know what the "right to set off" is but believe me I do).

Don't worry about court. If you are up to date with a PayPlan agreement they will not take you to court.

And don't waste any time on your established financial partners. They do not have anywhere near the same sense of honour that you do.

I see that you have been advised to change your bank account, do not hesitate. It was one of the best things I did. Pull all the funds from your joint account and pay it in to your new one before he does.