Money seems to just dissapear

the_seraphim

Hi guys,

Right so i'm reasonably well off, in the grander sense.

I work full time and get (after tax) £1130 per month

I have three children and therefore get in tax credits and child benefit another £1000 or just above.

In all i have over £2100 coming in every month.

My bills, as far as i can work them, leave me with, and this includes paying £250 onto my £250 limit credit card which is then my spending money (my phone bills, office subscription, tools for work, food and drinks when working late etc) at least £300 left over at the end of the month.

and that included a £20 a week ciggarette habit which i have now stopped.

I dont drink, i have a bottle of wine in the fridge thats been waiting 3 and a half weeks for me to drink it, I dont gamble, i dont even play the lottery.

sorry, no i put £10 a month onto bet365 and it always lasts me a month, if it doesnt, i wait till next month.

However. at the end of every month, i have nothing left.

I suspect that the wife is spending it all on ebay, nearly everyday there is some s%&t or another through the letterbox, a ring here, a necklace there. she says its all cheap chinese stuff and most of it is for friends who are paying her back in cash, but i even included an allowance for her to "waste" each month.

Ive got 6k in unsecured debts, plus a few hundred£ left on a council tax arrears that went to court (£85 a month, included in my budget) and i want to pay them... well i dont want to pay them, i dont think that the bank charges are fair but im done fighting, and i should be able to clear it all off inside 1 year...

how do i get my spending (im sure i dont help) and my wifes spending under control, ive asked her to keep her receipts (she spends lots of cash) and i only spend on my credit card and add more to that if i need so i can track my spending, but she doesnt keep track, if i ask her where her money went she says it went on XYZ which is reasonable to have spent like clothes for the kids and stuff but i just dont understand anymore.

I dont want to have to take the money away from her, mostly because i dont trust myself to not spend it, hence the credit card with the limit and i have to ask for more money, but she has started really wasting my hard earned dough.

last time i checked, paypal had seen over £1000 in 4 months, which is where i suspect the money is leaking.

Im at my wits end as there are other problems in the marriage and this one doesnt help as i feel genuinely angry at her for wasting this money.


im sorry that was longer than it needed to be

TL ; DR

Plenty money coming in to pay bills with £300 surplus in budget, reality is nothing left at end of month, wife suspected, ebay partly responsible, chinese jewellery definitely suspect.

marliepanda

Talk to her, tell her about your debt busting plan and give her a budget, for everything, so say £400 for the month for food, kids clothes, everything.

Cut off all other access to funds. Get an extra bank account for her, transfer in the budget, and cancel/renew other cards so you have the card numbers. Tell her if she needs more she needs to account for the first budget.

Asiacat

The first step to cutting down your spending and eliminating wastage is to to write everything down you spend then and only then can you analyse where it is all going and then setting a budget.

Started doing this 8 years ago and it was one of the best moves I ever made. I can set budgets and always budget for a surpless each month.

cc321

OK the first thing I will say is this...if it's her job to buy all the stuff for the house, kids, groceries etc and you are 'angry' at the way she's been doing it - get over that! Just accept what's done is done and make a plan to do better. Some people are just crap with money, even those with the best intentions.

It doesn't seem like she will be ready for keeping track of the money because that would mean actually admitting that money is being spent all over the place. I certainly could not, would not do that. What I suspect would happen is she won't spend any money for a while and then get lax about keeping track and then pick up the bad 'spending' habits again. Worse yet, she may just find ways to 'hide' money to spend later - and I don't mean that to be horrible but it happens. My OH was absolutely mortified to find out I had 500 in a savings account - I wasn't 'hiding' it from him (technically) just never mentioned it to him until I went to buy an expensive gift for my mum, mind you - I work full time so I don't have to ask him for money...noentheless he felt like I was hiding it.

OK so I think you should sit down and make a budget together.

I think it's a good idea to have one bank account that is only for direct debit bills (and your 250 cc bill) so you know all of your basics are covered and I do not recommend using this account for debit card expenses if you are not good with money - because you don't want to be in overdraft.

Then transfer to her account enough money for all of the things on the budget she pays with cash or debit, i.e. groceries, petrol, kids stuff etc and agree that it needs to last the whole month.


This works for me and OH:

We use his account for his pay in and all DD bills, i.e. car, mortgage, utlities, council tax, etc. This works for us because he doesn't really spend any money and should be fine for you because you have your 250 cc and should not use a debit card on this account at all either. You should actually wind up with an extra 350 each month but that is a good buffer so you don't mistakenly go into overdraft. I only glance at this account once a month to make sure everything is fine.

I use a points card to buy groceries and petrol and any spending for us both for the month. I pay it off as soon as I get paid instead of the due date just to get the money out of my account. In your case, you would transfer the money for the cash items, kids, groceries, spending money, etc., for the next month into your OH's account. She could manage this as she sees fit as long as it lasts all month. If this doesn't work as planned, you will need to discuss some more budgeting techniques, i.e. writing stuff down or possibly separating the shopping money from the spending money.

I also transfer money to a few savings accounts at the beginning of each month and suggest this to 'get rid of' any 'extra money'.

Sometimes its sad when I only have 200 in my account directly after pay day but that is all of the bills and savings DONE for the next month for both of us and I can see it 'on paper' in front of me so I don't really get the urge to buy something I can't afford because the money is - as we say - already spent!

Good luck!!!

SpecialBrew_2

You mention other problems in the marriage - could it be that your wife is as unhappy as you are and (probably without even realising why) is spending money on tatty Chinese jewellery as some kind of compensation for this? A lot of people use 'retail therapy' as some kind of emotional sticking plaster.

Perhaps if you could get to the root of the other problems between you and come through them, the excessive spending would disappear on it's own.

Good luck to both of you, whatever approach you take.

debtfreeby50

Hi there,

I'm new too and whilst i dont have the same problem i do constantly have to manage my wife's expectations when it comes to spending. If we get a windfall or if i get paid a for a few jobs at once she does get excited and starts talking of holidays, home improvements and handbags.

It seems your wife is spending behind your back so to speak? There must be a reason for this. Best just to ask her what she is buying and why? Might be that alot of what she buys is just basics or essentials that the kids need and she is getting a better deal online. Dont assume the worst.

Talk to her about it and see what is being spent/purchased. Then try and tackle the problem together.

Prothet_of_Doom

The reoccuring theme is that both members of a couple need to work to the same plan.

It's a new tax year, start a joint spending diary. Tell her you want to take her all to New York for Christmas, and you think you need to save £100 a month