Back For Good

BrandNewStart

Hi everyone

A long time since I've been on. After a pretty blue Christmas I decided to finally bite the bullet and face paying off my debt. I am working with CAP now to do so. The going is OK so far, it can be hard to change habits though. It is certainly making me realise just how much I used to spend.

It has been much trickier than I hoped setting up a new bank account and handing debts over to CAP - because of the bank & companies, not CAP who have been amazing. The latest blow today is that despite repeated requests the Estate Agents who rent out my flat (in neg equity ) have again failed to pay it in to my new account. I could only get £60 transferred from my old account as it is so overdrawn. Not to mention the myriad DDs claimed when they shouldn't have been - Natwest have had to compensate me three times so far!

Anyway, I owe: £13,705.83. I am paying money monthly to CAP ((in the region of £800-900) and they are paying my creditors. I also have to pay money in to make savings pots for household expenses etc.

I have had to bite the bullet and pay off everything including my car which, being crazy, I didn't really consider a debt. But far better that I just get it all done.

I know that this situation is of my own making over many years. What scares me the most is being unable to change. I worry that I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with money. There are some good signs though, I do feel a sense of achievement if I save. I am looking forward to getting some good tips from here on how to save money.

The biggest battle will be with my tendency to do ostrich behaviour. I get quite scared by it all sometimes and don't want to face things - which of course is exactly why I am in this situation.

Any advice / support greatly appreciated. Hope to chip in with same for others too.

Cheers

BNS

BrandNewStart

Also if anyone has any advice about the mental approach that might help. 16-18 months seems like a bit of a mountain at the moment

National_Debtline

Hello there,

I'm glad you're having another shot at it, the guys at CAP are really great. As far as keeping on track it could be worth starting a diary here on MSE - there is plenty of support on hand. Also, keep tabs of how much debt is being paid off. Watching the debt reduce is a great motivator.

Working to an effective, comprehensive budget each month really is at the very cornerstone of getting your situation sorted once and for all. If you get that right, the rest should be simple.

Very best wishes,

David @ NDL.

FireWyrm

National_Debtline wrote: »

Working to an effective, comprehensive budget each month really is at the very cornerstone of getting your situation sorted once and for all. If you get that right, the rest should be simple.

I have to second Dave here. Nothing ratchets you out of the brown stuff faster than a fully comprehensive and reasonably bullet proof budget. The trick is to be brutally honest with yourself when you create it. You cant ignore anything, no matter how small. If you really cannot do without it, then you must budget for it. Where most people fall flat on their faces (me included here, I'm no angel) is that they have a tendency to engage in blinkered finances, that is, forgetting or purposely ignoring all those little 'treats' and 'oh go on thens'. They add up. The odd bottle of wine turns into at least £20 a month. If your budget is already to the wire, then you are going to miss that £20 eventually.

I cant emphasis enough how well piggy banking works. You need a comprehensive budget, but also a comprehensive and workable method of segregating money into pots. Personally, I use multiple accounts or piggy banks, but you can do just as well with envelopes, literal pots or just a notation and running balance on a spreadsheet. However you do it, I strongly advise you at the very least to separate your food & fuel from your bills account. This way, largely static outgoings (bills) do not get lost in the largely fluid movement of your other outgoings (food & fuel) and you therefore, wont miss a bill in future.

I dont personally have a debt diary - rather, not one that is public, but I do tend to obsessively watch the built in graphs that come with YNAB and moneydashboard.com. I like to play 'what-if' and forward forecast to see what life will be like when I finally have shot of my little burden also.

Keep at it. Come back, tell everyone how you are doing and just trust your plan. It will all happen and eventually, it will all work out.

its_maths_not_magic

You've had some good advice there. If I had to add anything I would tell you that spending does not equal happiness. It really doesn't. Before I started on this journey I thought that the thrill of buying something shiny and new was a happy feeling. But now I realise that its excitement, not happiness. That small high that comes with opening the shopping or peeling off the protective label is great, but its not fulfilling. If it was, people would only need to shop once.

This is going to sound corny, but after my light bulb moment I started really looking at my life and my relationship with money. And I found that the things that really make me happy, that really give my life richness and purpose were not something I could buy. Time with my husband and puppy, practicing my guitar (and enjoying my hard earned callouses ) drawing, walking through a forest, watching the bunnies come out to play in the afternoon or observing the pheasant looking after his mate. These are all things that make my life rich, and are completely free - well the guitar did cost £25 and £30 for the books. And the honest truth is that I love my life now, if I someone plonked down £1 000 000, I would maybe get a bigger caravan and travel sooner but other than that I wouldn't change a single thing.

I know this goes against what we learn growing up. As though we need money to be happy and the more we have the happier we will be but to me its just not the case. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that your new budgeted life can be as rich and fulfilling as you want it to be. And the security of looking after your money feels so much better than always looking over your shoulder, waiting for the axe to fall.

BrandNewStart

Hi Guys

Thank you so much for the above posts. I am trying to keep on "putting my hand in the fire" so to speak by dealing with things on a daily basis. I sold a coffee machine on eBay yesterday and made £50. It is challenging being on a budget. The hardest thing for me is saying "no" to people. I'm a bit of a people pleaser at times and so will spend money just to avoid letting people down. I am trying to be just completely honest with people about my situation, and guess what, my real friends have been brilliant.

The whole thing has been harder so far than I though it would be at first. I am basically having to change behaviour that has been going on in one form or another for a very long time. I get very very stressed about a problem which, once, I've looked at it, is never that bad. It's almost like an automatic reaction now.

BUT I want to do it. I haven't really got a choice now. I want to get out of debt and be happier

BrandNewStart

FireWyrm wrote: »

I dont personally have a debt diary - rather, not one that is public, but I do tend to obsessively watch the built in graphs that come with YNAB and moneydashboard.com. I like to play 'what-if' and forward forecast to see what life will be like when I finally have shot of my little burden also.

Keep at it. Come back, tell everyone how you are doing and just trust your plan. It will all happen and eventually, it will all work out.

I just had a look at YNAB - you have to pay for it, is that right?

Ciaerda

You can do a free trial which lets you see if it's for you and if you are really lucky sign up for one of the free on line classes and you may win a copy that is how I got mine and I have to say it is the best thing I have ever done

mrsscattercushion

BrandNewStart wrote: »

Hi Guys

Thank you so much for the above posts. I am trying to keep on "putting my hand in the fire" so to speak by dealing with things on a daily basis. I sold a coffee machine on eBay yesterday and made £50. It is challenging being on a budget. The hardest thing for me is saying "no" to people. I'm a bit of a people pleaser at times and so will spend money just to avoid letting people down. I am trying to be just completely honest with people about my situation, and guess what, my real friends have been brilliant.

The whole thing has been harder so far than I though it would be at first. I am basically having to change behaviour that has been going on in one form or another for a very long time. I get very very stressed about a problem which, once, I've looked at it, is never that bad. It's almost like an automatic reaction now.

BUT I want to do it. I haven't really got a choice now. I want to get out of debt and be happier

Well done for coming back and posting again! It isn't easy as you are tackling a few different things at the same time, managing money, facing up to the reasons behind spending ~ it takes a while for new habits to bed in and become second nature, so don't be too hard on yourself. I'm the same, always thinking something will be worse and building it up to be, whereas if I just applied some of the energy I put into worrying into sorting the issue, it never is that bad!


We found what helped for us was to really look at "want v need". Did we actually need something and if so why? Or do we just want it? Things in our house don't get changed unless they are broken and beyond repair for example. Hubby used to spend for the thrill of spending, getting a new CD on day of release and thought otherwise he was missing out. He equated buying to happiness. Over time, he's been able to address this and find other ways of managing.


If you feel like it is all getting too much, there are some great free online resources to help with managing "the inner voice" that tells you "you won't manage" and adds to the stress ~ relaxation and meditation attempts, a few mantras if I feel I was getting myself worked up etc all helped.


Good luck and keep posting!

BrandNewStart

mrsscattercushion wrote: »

Good luck and keep posting!

Thanks I am going to try to! I have to stay positive and remember why I am doing this. It is so much better than the constant guilt and stress I used to carry around....

I have been beating myself up a lot about getting into this situation, but that's not helpful is it!?

BrandNewStart

Ciaerda wrote: »

You can do a free trial which lets you see if it's for you and if you are really lucky sign up for one of the free on line classes and you may win a copy that is how I got mine and I have to say it is the best thing I have ever done

Might try that!