Mum doesn't want me to get married...

chicarg

Well, she hasn't actually told me but she's told my sister (she doesn't want my sister to get married either but since she doesn't have a boyfriend it's much easier..:rolleyes: )


My parents are divorced (have been for the past 12 years after 22 years of marriage). Anyhow...she doesn't believe in marriage and she actually thinks it only brings misery to women... My dad never cheated on her or anything, he was just a workaholic who spent little time with his family trying to secure a good financial position for all of us and never participated much in the house and left my mum alone for lots of things.

But I am her kid, and you know kids always look for parent's approval... She hasn't actually told me anything but I can see it in her eyes every time I mention the wedding arrangements: doom doom doom..

I have been with OH for 7 years now and it's really not something from the spur of the moment, and she would happily see us continuing living together without getting married; it's the "institution" she has a problem with...

I love her to bits but shall I just ignore this knot in my throat? or what?

Voyager2002

Why not invite her to celebrate the happiness that you and OH have shared? You don't need a "conventional" wedding, and perhaps should do things very differently from her wedding. Nothing to stop you exchanging vows (or having a ceremony) in private or abroad, and then just inviting everyone to a party.

Emms

I think you need to speak to her about it or its only going to worry you. Just because your mums marriage wasnt the best, doesnt mean yours will be the same. Im sure some good things came out of her marriage, her kids for example.

She believed in marriage at a point in her life or she wouldnt have got married herself and shes bound to know some people that have had a happy marriage!

Emma

geekgirl

I think she needs to lighten up. Perhaps she could do that so that you guys can enjoy your plans and your wedding. There ain't no guarantees in this life, but you know you gotta give it a chance!

My daughter is getting married in 3 months time and has been with her other half for 7 years. The marriage bit isn't for me, I have lived with my partner for 26 years but it is what she wants. So that is what counts for me.

Andybez38

I thought we all did the opposite of what advice parents give. You wanna get married? you get married, and when you wanna get divorced you get divorced. You know best. Oh by the way Good luck to you both if you do get married.

chicarg

Thanks all!

We are in the process of organizing our wedding for next February. We already have the venue booked and i got my dress already...

It is at organizing all these things that i miss my mum's approval... she doesn't tell me anything but I can feel it. And now I feel like not involving her in the arrangements so I wont feel guilty by going ahead with it.

I know I am a grown-up woman and should toughen up but I'm very close with my mum in everything else.

geekgirl

Perhaps you could have a chat when you are on your own and gently say that you understand why she feels like she does about marriage but this is going to happen and it would be really nice if she could help you plan and be part of the whole thing.

Hugs.

showtunesgirl

I think maybe you need to put a slightly different spin on things here.

Have a word with her and say that you are not asking for her approval of marriage as an institution but that you want her approval of you celebrating your love for this man. I think that sounds much nicer.

I'm getting married next year too and find the marriage thing kind of hard to get my head around as we too have been together for over seven years but hey, it's going to a lovely day and nice to share with everyone!

MrsJ2008

What about telling your mum you've heard on the grapevine that she doesn't want you to get married?

She may mean it or may have just been having a really bad day & said it without thinking.

If you're that close i'm sure she been really sad to think she's upset you.

Good luck x