I'm going insane!

sausageandbeans

Thankyou all for all your comments. Just to show how it affects me on a normal day.

Got up at 5am because of nightmares about asbestos.

Today in the park I felt a !!!!! on my leg walking through trees - I thought it was a needle but it was a twig - as you'd expect.

Drove past a factory only to notice it was being demolished. Washed the car and had two baths.

Spoke to somebody who works at a nuclear factory. Couldn't go near him.

That's within 4 hours of waking up.

I know I have to help myself but it really is so hard. It is a shame that there really isn't much support out there unless I threatened to throw myself off a bridge.

I have to get a repeat prescription next week. I'll have another word with the doctor but other than a bi of therapy nothing will happen.

I have 3 options really

(i) Carry on worrying and ruin my life
(ii) End my life
(iii) Try and sort this mess out myself with self help and medication

If I had cancer I'd get help but at times this illness seems even worse. I don't mean any offence to poor cancer sufferers. I'm just saying that this gives me no quality of life.

sausageandbeans

You can do that through your GP. Tell him or her that you're suffering from these symptoms and that you are not happy that being repeat medicated is solving your problems and that you need referral to a specialist. Describe all of your symptoms, everything, be honest. The more full a picture your specialist has once you're referred, the better.

I think the problem is that you have 10 minutes with a GP whereas with a therapist you have an hour. My last therapist was under no illusions how badly it affects me especially when she plonked a box of needles in front of me. She was touching the outside of the yellow box saying how they won't jump out at me. That night I never slept at all. Exposure therapy is meant to be good but it just frightened the hell out of me.

thorsoak

I think I can understand your worries and fears and I wonder how I would be able to live under such a cloud as you have imposed upon yourself.

Try to remember though that being worried about such fears means that you are alive - and being alive is a privilege that has been denied to others whose lives have been cut short.

[Deleted User]

sausageandbeans wrote: »

I have seen two therapists.

In that case you'll probably recognise what Smail has to say, and possibly Dineen as well.

dancingfairy

A couple more thoughts from me:
1) Have you tried unpacking your fears? Looking at them, rationilising them? Asking yourself if x,y,z is true, what evidence is there to support your theory? what evidence is there that you might be wrong? Personally I didn't find this very helpful but you might, it's worth a shot anyway.
2) As you know your brain is helpfully trying to keep you safe. It's come across a situation it doesn't know/understand and you've found that washing/checking/ritualising etc has calmed you down. Next time you come across a stressful situation your brain goes back to what you did last time ie check/seek reassurance/wash/checking etc. Each time you face a perceived stressful situation your brain repeats this pattern and it becomes obviously more stuck in your mind (like a record playing over and over again). You need to try and stop this spiral, by saying "Stop" in your head, by stopping and counting to 10 (or 20), by trying to do something else, anything you can do to stop yourself getting into the whole/washing/checking cycle. Even if you only delay it slightly and give yourself a split second to process things, it's a start. I know that this is one of those things that sounds incredibly simple but is actually very very hard to do.
Keep persevering and badger your doctor from some proper help. Mental health services are seriously stretched but you obviously need more help.
df

Racheldevon

Hi


Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time - you could do more harm than good in trying to unpick this yourself, and I believe as others have said that professional help is the way forwards. This way you can work through the issues you're experiencing within a safe therapeutic relationship, with someone who is professionally trained in this area.


Go to your GP & request a referral to either a clinical psychologist within the adult mental health team or to a psychiatrist for an assessment.


You may also find these online sources of support useful whilst waiting for an assessment. In my experience generally the initial assessment can occur quite quickly - I think it's important you're seen by a psychologist or psychiatrist rather than a counsellor, at least initially, so that a full assessment of your needs can be made, and a care plan agreed with you that will address the root cause of your symptoms rather than masking them with medication (which may well have a place, but is not in my view a long term solution to resolution & longer term wellbeing). The NHS is very CBT focused at the moment with the IAPT role out, but this tends to be time limited, often only 6 sessions.


http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/


http://www.ocduk.org/support-groups


http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/obsessivecompulsivedisorder.aspx


http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Obsessive-compulsive-disorder/Pages/Treatment.aspx




The following link has centres of excellence for OCD (NHS provision) in the UK - it can be possible sometimes to get referrals to hospitals outside of your trust
http://www.veale.co.uk/resources-support/public-information/ocd/

carefullycautious

sausageandbeans wrote: »

It is based on one though. Something I can't see.

Radiation
Germs
HIV
Illness inside
Asbestos

If none of the above existed I'd be fine.

I did get to see a therapist back in January but you are given 6 week slots. One hour a week and even then they have a clock to keep too because of the next appointment. The help isn't there. That's why I'm at my witts end.

I've never seen a psychiatrist. The only two people I saw were the outreach team who said that my doctor thought I was at risk and they had to do a report. As soon as I said I wasn't I never heard from them again. It seems as long as I'm not cutting my wrists or threatening to jump from a bridge there is no help there.

If none of those existed as you have stated above there would be another set that you would be equally anxious about. You need to understand what has caused your OCD, what triggered it and have specialist treatment.

You have got to the age you are with a wife and children without contracting or being in contact with any of the above. SO that is a positive. Is there a support forum that may help you in the meantime ?

sausageandbeans

Thanks all for your advice and support. I know to some this might appear unreal and hard to believe but sadly this monster has overtaken my life.I will speak to my doctor again next week and read some of the books/websites posted on here. I will beat this. A few years ago I wouldn't have even been able to speak about mental health in public without ridicule. Thanks again.

carefullycautious

The. Monster on your shoulder can be shrunk and discarded, it will take time but you will overcome or manage this with the right help.

Best wishes

vanessav

I cannot add much to the advice you have been given. You can escape from your prison. But you need more help to do so. As others have said, you need a referral to your local Mental Health Team and your medication reviewed by a psychiatrist.
The NHS has a large programme to improve access to psychological therapies. And there are new generation meds.
Can you tell your GP that you are questioning whether you can live like this anymore? Or could your wife accompany you in order to say this?
You know that your beliefs are irrational. But you need someone professional to work with you on where your thoughts come from and to help you to challenge these thoughts until you have put them in their rightful place.
Good luck.