Should men still pay on a first date?

InA

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Do women want equality? Then why do so many of them think it's right that the man should automatically pay on the first date ?

EchoLocation wrote: »

I think this is one of those 'selective equality' issues for some women.

This is not about selective equality it's about what will be perceived as "attractive". At the end of the day the dating game revolves around gender difference not gender equality. Equality comes later once a relationship is established.

Just as women are compared and critiqued on their looks, men are compared and critiqued on their ability to be good providers. Although such matters are largely irrelevant in today's society (e.g. women can be breadwinners) it has been built into our evolution and culture for so long that it is difficult to prevent them having an influence on what we perceive as a good mate.

A man who suggests splitting the bill without offering to pay the full amount makes himself appear less manly / attractive and reduces his chance of a second date. The only exception to this is if the two people already know each other very well (e.g. they were friends first).

This is not actually about money, it's about romance. If a man can't afford (or doesn't want) to pay the full bill on a first date then he should choose an activity / date that costs nothing (or very little).

Prothet_of_Doom

mattyoung1990 wrote: »

Completely agree.

My wife doesn't .

DiscountofMonteCristo

My real answer is not in the list. That would be "It depends on the situation." For instance, maybe one is much richer than the other, in which case let them pay. Whether they're male or female, or did the asking or being asked. Or, maybe there is some special situation between the two of them in which it makes more sense or is more appropriate for one or the other to pay.

Other than that I generally believe in splitting, as I like equality and joint responsibility for joint activity. Whoever initiates, if the other person pays as well they're showing they want to contribute rather than get a free ride. I've read people's defences of a man being expected to pay the full whack and I'm not interested - someone who felt like that is someone I wouldn't want to be with anyway.

I did once pay for a date's meal years ago and I didn't feel good about it. I don't think she was attracted to me anyway and I didn't feel like following it up. She offered to go Dutch and I should have accepted - I reflected with hindsight that I just did myself out of the price of her meal out of some misplaced sense of gallantry.

Lizzie45

I am still in the 21st century, right? Are there still people out there that think women shouldn't pay for their own dinner? I would NEVER expect a man to pay for me - why should he? Fair enough if it's someone you know treating you to a meal for a special occasion, like your birthday, but on a first date?

cabriolean

My opinion and general experience:

The person inviting should offer to pay in full. The person being invited should always offer to split the bill in some way: half-half; one buying tickets, the other popcorn......

If the inviter rejects the offer:
The invitee pays for alternate dates, unless it was a bad date in which case they should insist on paying their fair share.

If they accept:
The cost of each date is split between the two of them.

DKLS

Normal rules the man pays for first date, unless you dating a wealthy married woman and then she picks up the tab for everything . Or rather the husband did :beer:

biffer_2

Of course as others have said it DEPENDS!

I would use my brain to decide how to proceed based on the following:
1) Am I skint?
2) Is she skint?
3) What is the venue? (coffee shop or the Ritz)
4) Who invited who?
5) If my date is an immigrant what country is she from? I heard Australian women really don't like men paying, I'm sure there are other exceptions.
6) What is my current relationship to the woman?

For me 'going dutch' is a bit pathetic and somehow tight and picky. (Maybe I spent too long in pubs buying rounds). Always better to choose somewhere cheap for a first date especially if the date is highly speculative and she's not giving strong signals of being 'into you'. I'd ditch any woman insisting on an expensive venue for a first date, probably inventing some nonsense about not feeling well, etc...

[EDIT] So for me it was basically 'don't care'.

crank_girl

There has been some mention of equality but nobody yet has pointed out that not all women date men and vice versa. The wording of this assumes just that. You could have prefixed this with "for those in m-f relationships" but even then you would have been ignoring experiences of lots of people in m-m and f-f relationships. This is especially relevant now there is full equality wrt to marriage.

For anyone interested in one viewpoint about the economical mechanics of same sex relationships, in my case it was the person who did the asking (me) that paid. And it paid off. 16 years this year.

Greveson

I think it would be interesting to see the results broken down by age. In my (anecdotal) experience most young women say they don't expect a man to pay. So perhaps these results were skewed by older people who still hold the older views.

crank_girl wrote: »

There has been some mention of equality but nobody yet has pointed out that not all women date men and vice versa. The wording of this assumes just that. You could have prefixed this with "for those in m-f relationships" but even then you would have been ignoring experiences of lots of people in m-m and f-f relationships. This is especially relevant now there is full equality wrt to marriage.

It does preface the poll.

MSE_Debs wrote: »

Obviously, this poll only makes sense for heterosexual relationships. ]

dekaspace

Shocking results, its a shame in a world where we are told about equality and how bad women have it compared to men that men are expected to still be a cash machine for a woman, I have had ex's who wanted me to pay one time even shortly after I lost my job and was living off bread and water she wanted a night out and said "oh you are a man"

If any arguments are to be had, then I bring up an old article I read about 2 years ago in a popular womans magazine that described how to flirt with men to get a night out in London with taxi cabs both ways and not spend a penny the whole night.

I believe in actual equality, if a girl likes me she can ask me out, if she wants us to go out and I do not want to go out a compromise is she pays but I am careful what I order and am a good guest, its like at Valentines manufacturers make it to be that unless you spend a huge amount i.e at least 1 weeks wages on your partner you do not care about them.