RSVP Question

fredtheguava

Hello all, I'm hoping for some advice on a situation I'm in.

I've been invited to a family member's wedding. I'm already busy that day - running a Duke of Edinburgh expedition and my very best friend in all the world's 30th birthday - but I strongly suspect that my family member and the extended family won't consider those particularly valid reasons for missing the wedding.

Which is my best option, in your opinion:

a) just send the RSVP card with 'Decline with regret' ticked and no explanation, or
b) include a note with the reasons above, or
c) make up a better reason and say that's why I won't be there?

If it's relevant: I'm not close to this family member, I see her once every couple of years at things related to my grandparents. I think, however, that my attendance will be expected. Edited to add: I don't want to attend the wedding. I have many reasons for this, but none I can share with my extended family without causing serious drama.

krustylouise

Personally I would phone and say in person so they can hear the sincerity in your voice and then send the RSVP in the post saying decline.

fredtheguava

krustylouise wrote: »

Personally I would phone and say in person so they can hear the sincerity in your voice and then send the RSVP in the post saying decline.

The invitation specifically says they would prefer all responses on the card. I don't have a phone number for her, either. I guess I could get it if necessary.

Also - I have Asperger's so sincerity would be difficult to hear in my voice. My family members don't know about my ASD though, she would likely just think I was being rude by not being particularly expressive.

Stephb1986_2

I would include a note explaining why you are unable to attend, as someone who has received "no" RSVP's with no explanation it really hurts (I know that sounds daft)

fredtheguava

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I would include a note explaining why you are unable to attend, as someone who has received "no" RSVP's with no explanation it really hurts (I know that sounds daft)

I think what I'm worried about is that they're not really good reasons, and my family WILL have things to say about it. The main reason I'm not going is because I don't want to, but I certainly can't explain my reasons for that without causing major family ructions.

Stephb1986_2

fredtheguava wrote: »

I think what I'm worried about is that they're not really good reasons, and my family WILL have things to say about it. The main reason I'm not going is because I don't want to, but I certainly can't explain my reasons for that without causing major family ructions.

Can't be worse than my fiance's nan not coming because she doesn't want to leave the dog. I would explain that you have already made prior arrangements that you are unable to cancel unfortunately

jackieblack

fredtheguava wrote: »

I think what I'm worried about is that they're not really good reasons, and my family WILL have things to say about it. The main reason I'm not going is because I don't want to, but I certainly can't explain my reasons for that without causing major family ructions.

Just say that you are unable to attend as you have a prior commitment.
Too much 'explanation' can sound like 'making excuses'.

You don't have to justify yourself with 'good reasons', it's an invitation, not a summons.

Dekazer

Could you write a short note and enclose it with the card? You could write something like:

Thank you so much for the invitation, and for giving us plenty of notice. However, sadly, I already have a commitment on that day. I wish you all the very best for your wedding planning, and hope you have a wonderful day.

It sounds like you're not very close. It is possible that your relative only invited you because of the same family pressure that you feel. By you declining, she has plenty of time to invite a friend. I know that, when we married, we invited family members over some friends that we're actually closer too. Your relative might actually be pleased to have an additional space.