husbands debts

mrsr2014

Hi, just wondering if anyone can give me any advice. i married my husband not knowing about his massive debts (so many i dont know how much) and he refuses to talk about them and if he does he fobs me off with its either a mistake or he will contact them and sort it. i have just found a letter from a gas company saying he owes them over £500 which i didn't know anything about until i saw this! There is only 1 debt with my name on and i know he has set up a direct debit to get that paid, however he seems to think the others will go away if he just forgets about them! I dont know how he can sleep at night, not knowing if someone will be round the next day to take away our property! His other debts are only in his name and we rent our house so im hoping they cant do anything about our home, but a lot of the stuff in our house was bought by me. im worried for myself and our 14month old daughter. i really dont know what to do if he keeps telling me that hes sorting things! Im sick with worry and am struggling to sleep because of it.

Thanks

[Deleted User]

I really feel for you. I spent 7 years trying to live with a man who lied constantly to cover up his actions and he never thought about me or the damage it to to our relationship. I wish I'd got out sooner before it became too awful to bear.

If he is a good husband and father then maybe this can be fixed. But don't tolerate lies and deceit because it will destroy you

fatbelly

This site (this board particularly) is dedicated to helping people get debt free.

If he doesn't own property, then that shouldn't be too difficult.

It's anonymous. We don't judge or bite. Would he not consider posting here?

HOK3Y

I feel for you. My ex married me while concealing massive debts which he revealed days after our wedding. When we moved to the US a couple of weeks after the wedding, we moved to a state which considered the debt to be community property because we were married - even though they weren't in my name. After over a decade of financial struggle, I left him and he sent over $20k dollars of his debt with me. So, I understand fully the worry, the stress and the betrayal it all brings.


If he won't come here to discuss his debts himself (and it sounds as if he is sitting firmly in denial), then you may need to put an ultimatum at his feet. He comes clean or you rethink your life path. And when I say clean, I mean he pulls his credit report for you to both look at. In the meantime, take full advantage of sensible UK law and keep everything separate moneywise.


Really feel for you and wish you the very best. When you are married to someone with their head stuck in the sand, you need to think about yourself to a degree because he certainly isn't. I hope he has a wake up call VERY soon.

exarmydreamer

Hi, Please make sure you do not have any joint accounts or shared financial commitments. By sharing your bank account etc, you will be liable for his debt as well. Please keep your finances separate and check your credit ratings regularly. Good luck and hope he has his lightbulb moment soon.

loveka

Just to clarify that you will never be liable for any debt that is in his sole name. Never. A partners debts have huge ramifications for you emotionally, and impact on your financial life together. But you would not be expected to pay money that he owes.

The only impact his debts can gave on you is that your credit rating may be impacted by his if you are financially associated eg by a joint bank account or mortgage.

ladeeda

Can't stress enough how important it is not to have any joint commitments or associations with him, it could ruin your credit score too. This is difficult considering you need to either rent or buy a place to live - few are fortunate enough to prove affordibilty on one wage. I feel for you and recognise the stress that this puts on a relationship. However demasculating your partner may find it, you need to take control of the finances in your house. Your partner needs to acknowledge and take responsibility for his debt. He needs to show some understanding of the effect that debt has on your future together. Debt can always be sorted out - more important is that he has not been honest with you. Start with that.

That said, you will get support here, emotionally and financially.