Newbie story

Vintagefool

Hello all, this is the first time I've posted on the site. This will be a longish post, as I feel the need to publicly articulate the state I'm in, and how I got to this point. There's no need for anyone to reply, I'm just going to splurge it all out in the hopes that this and other things I am doing will help me change my behaviour and improve the situation.

I have never been a saver, always spending more that I earned. Although I started work after graduation with no debt, it gradually crept up and up, until I find myself £15,000 in debt today, and in a job which may well end this year. I am married to someone I would call 'cash rich' in that they are sitting on an inheritance of £70,000 at the moment, with anything up to £500,000 potentially coming their way at some point in the future (possibly 30+ years). The issue is therefore not an immediate concern about paying bills, or creditors making demands. If it absolutely came to it, my partner would pay off all my debts and I would pay him back over time.

As you can see, it has been hard for me to reach the levels of personal and emotional desperation which so many suffer, and I have been very immature and lazy about controlling my spending. I earn enough to save at least £500 a month very comfortably, but every month, I overspend by another £1,000 and get further into debt.

I waste my money on things which make me feel better about myself, and from which I get only very fleeting enjoyment before I'm on to the next thing. I buy multiples of things when one is enough, and I become quite obsessed with accumulating a lot of something if I think I need it. None of this is super expensive, £50 for a pair of shoes, 3 albums at a time on iTunes, but it all accumulates so quickly.

I am disgusted with myself at my lack of control, my greediness, and my head in the sand attitude. I have resolved today to change things and have put together a plan to do so. I am sitting here in tears at 2am, hoping that I will wake tomorrow still determined to improve things and be a better person. Wish me luck.

pennies_from_Heaven

Didn't want to read and run vintagefool. All I can say is that you are not on your own, many of us on here have arrived due to similar reasons, overspending on stuff we don't need, me for one.
Admitting there is a problem is the first step to sorting it out though, and usually the most difficult!
You talk about spending to make yourself feel better, maybe a close look on why you need to do this, or a chat to a counsellor or Doctor who may be able to help you get to the root of the problem?

Please don't feel disgusted with yourself, we are all human, and many have similar stories - be proud in the fact that you are doing something to sort it out! :T
Maybe it would help if you posted a statement of affairs to help clarify the figures and see where you may be able to cut back and pay some of the debt off? I would imagine someone will be along soon with a link.
Chin up, hope you feel better today xx

LittleAoife

Vintagefool wrote: »

Hello all, this is the first time I've posted on the site. This will be a longish post, as I feel the need to publicly articulate the state I'm in, and how I got to this point. There's no need for anyone to reply, I'm just going to splurge it all out in the hopes that this and other things I am doing will help me change my behaviour and improve the situation.

I have never been a saver, always spending more that I earned. Although I started work after graduation with no debt, it gradually crept up and up, until I find myself £15,000 in debt today, and in a job which may well end this year. I am married to someone I would call 'cash rich' in that they are sitting on an inheritance of £70,000 at the moment, with anything up to £500,000 potentially coming their way at some point in the future (possibly 30+ years). The issue is therefore not an immediate concern about paying bills, or creditors making demands. If it absolutely came to it, my partner would pay off all my debts and I would pay him back over time.

As you can see, it has been hard for me to reach the levels of personal and emotional desperation which so many suffer, and I have been very immature and lazy about controlling my spending. I earn enough to save at least £500 a month very comfortably, but every month, I overspend by another £1,000 and get further into debt.

I waste my money on things which make me feel better about myself, and from which I get only very fleeting enjoyment before I'm on to the next thing. I buy multiples of things when one is enough, and I become quite obsessed with accumulating a lot of something if I think I need it. None of this is super expensive, £50 for a pair of shoes, 3 albums at a time on iTunes, but it all accumulates so quickly.

I am disgusted with myself at my lack of control, my greediness, and my head in the sand attitude. I have resolved today to change things and have put together a plan to do so. I am sitting here in tears at 2am, hoping that I will wake tomorrow still determined to improve things and be a better person. Wish me luck.

I think most people are guilty of this, after all it's what we are told and encouraged to do by those that drive consumerism.
I'm not excusing it but it's so easy to see how a lot of people end up here with a story not so distant from yours- me included.
I am guilty of overspending and not saving, I blew thousands on day trips/ stuff for the kids because it made me feel good to see them happy, but now I see that actually it was me playing with them and being a loving mum that makes us all happy!
I haven't gone crazy this Christmas, they received modest gifts,, clothes they needed ( some second hand) and a family gift of a few board games etc.
And guess what....... We had the best Christmas we have ever had!
We sold the tv and crappy dvd's, we are selLing all our other junk now and I'm buying things I need used and saving the difference and best of all, I'm freeing up money to become debt free.
If I can do this so can you!!
Being on this forum is a huge step, I'm sure we will be advised soon as to the next steps.
I'll be watching with interest!
Happy- debt free journey!
LA.

Vintagefool

Thank you both so much, I am up and just as determined today to change my behaviour. I'm going to sort out a Statement of Affairs (I've done something similar already to get me to this point, so I don't think I'm way off in terms of the amounts involved, but it is a really good idea to look at interest rates, etc for each debt).

In terms of spending to make myself feel better, I have indeed suffered from anxiety (not depression) for great chunks of my life. I am currently on low dose anti-anxiety meds, which I have found very effective, but which I have not been taking over the past week due to being ill with bronchitis. While the current money crisis may be linked to this, particularly being off my meds for a few days, I am back on them now, and want to use this episode as a springboard for some really lasting change.

I do not want to let the fact that my husband has some money make me lazy and greedy any more - he's not perfect and marriages don't last for ever. Also, he might get sick of my silliness and leave me!

I do use shopping to feel in control, to address the feelings that 'I have always been told I can't have what I want' (which are mainly linked to relationships), to put off doing things that need to be done (like housework), and to make myself feel 'valued' (I have always felt that my work and family don't treat me with the same respect which I treat them). I think these are quite common justifications, which are not linked to real hardship, but to my interpretation of events and feelings which everyone experiences. I am also extremely bored a lot of the time, not because I am so awesome and can do my job standing on my head, but because my brain tricks me into thinking I'm bored when in fact I am being lazy and/or I am facing a situation which is outside my comfort zone.

I have already taken some practical steps this morning to make me think about my debt. I have:
- moved all my shopping websites to a folder labelled December 2016 - the date when I aim to be debt free
- cleared the space in front of the filing cabinet where I store all my statements, so I can start filing them properly
- gone through my emails and marked as junk all the ones from people selling me stuff

Day 1, and things are in motion.

Thank you again.

in_need_of_direction

I managed to clear the 18k credit card debt built up over the break up period of my marriage. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with the carp and unworn and frequently too small stuff I bought. Lots of people have overspent in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Well done for realising this and deciding to stop the rot. Best of luck

asparagus1968

wishing you good luck, keep posting