The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

shaggydoo

October:

= 7 Days AF

= 14 days AF

= 21 days AF


= 28 days AF

= 31 days AF

= target achieved


Alcohol Free Days
Alex 9/TF
Barny1979 15/25
Chardonnay 8/21
Charmed 13/31

DebJay 6/13

Desperado 4/21

Gien 3/10

Lincs1205 /31
Honey Bear 14/31

Maman 4/10

Milky 3/15

Pricey 6/20
Satchmo 10/14
SandyPan 10/21

SmallHoldingSister 5/21

WBF 4/21


Alcohol Low Days
DizzyImp 13/22
Shaggy 9/25




Everyone Welcome! It's never too late to join....

Please highlight your AFDs in Red

Don't hesitate to let me know if I've made a mistake!

shaggydoo

Desperado_2015 wrote: »

4/31 AFD's

Hi Desperado
If that's up until yesterday then I think that should be 4/21 - 'cos I think you quit on Sunday the 11th - meaning there were 21 remaining days in October.

Honey_Bear

Muser1 wrote: »

Looking for a bit of advice from you lovely lot!

Sooooo...Oh has admitted to having a drink problem. I knew I guess but putting a label on it seems to make it more real.

He's quite positive at the moment. Feels better for talking to me and is determined to quit. He's investigating new hobbies to give him a focus.

Today is day 3.

What can I do to help??

In the early days, to be honest, not drinking in front of him, not suggesting going to the pub on the spur of the moment, and generally avoiding boozy friends and situations until not drinking seems pretty normal. It might mean a change in routines, such as going to bed earlier and organising new things to do together that you can both enjoy with each other, or alone if that's what floats his boat.

If he enjoys reading, then finding blogs about people who have stopped drinking and books from the library or ebooks or wherever else he normally gets his research information, so that he has a choice of different writers and styles.

If he likes talking or listening to people in the same boat - AA, obviously. It wouldn't float my boat, but it works for some people. Find out where a local open meeting is held and asking if he'd like to just go along with or without you to sit in on it and see what it's like - might be helpful. The offer's there, if he wants to take it up, it's up to him.

And, suggesting he sees the GP to see whatever is on offer in your area. There are quite a few services available locally some of which people don't need to be referred to, but the GP's surgery would be the place where they'd have that information, as well as at your local libraries. I wouldn't rely entirely on online information about that - I've noticed quite a lot of online info is often a bit out of date and that's just disheartening.

And finally, hugs. Lots of hugs, and lots of encouragement, lots of supportive stuff if you have the energy like interesting tastes and textures to the food that you can afford to buy with the booze money he's not spending.

Al Anon - for you, too. Big changes are likely to happen within the relationship if he knocks it on the head, and to be honest if he doesn't a bit of support for you wouldn't go amiss, would it. They'd be marvellous at telling you what they've found that works and what makes it tricky and they know what it's like.

ETA: If you can avoid being around people who drink heavily in the early days of your husband's sobriety, that would be a really, really, good idea. It's not always possible, but it helps to begin with.

The other thing that occurred to me is it is always helpful to identify when booze seemed to be an essential part of your OH's routine and only he would know. As he's the one that brought the subject up and clearly wants to succeed, you can ask him about what particularly triggers the first drink and what doesn't make him thing of drinking. Mine were: sitting down to eat dinner in the evening every evening, eating pasta, eating pizza and the pre-dinner G&T on Sundays, whereas eating fish and chips out of a newspaper, playing Scrabble and going to the cinema were non-boozy things.

You're a :A.

Honey_Bear

piggles1 wrote: »

I've been surrounded by people who say 'you don't drink much' or 'you never seem drunk' 'I know someone who drinks a bottle of wine a day'. None of that is really helpful when I'm dealing with a daily habit and have done since I was much too young to drink.

I find other people's attitude to booze really, really strange. If you think you're drinking more than is healthy for you, good on you for tackling it.

Anyone who can stop for a year has achieved something amazing, and you've clearly got a huge amount of self-control to have done that.

If you can moderate and be happy with that, that sounds like a worthwhile goal to me. Good luck with it and keep posting.

Honey_Bear

Are you hopping off the wagon, Barny? It's been lovely having your company for six months - well done for sticking with it.

15/31 please, Shaggy and thanks for my leafy smilies. I love, love, love the cat in the moon, so I'm really looking forward to that one.

Desperado_2015

shaggydoo wrote: »

Hi Desperado
If that's up until yesterday then I think that should be 4/21 - 'cos I think you quit on Sunday the 11th - meaning there were 21 remaining days in October.

Thank you Shaggy!

Sorry...I'm a bit thick. Didn't get it properly!

piggles1

graemecarter wrote: »

This really resonated with me.
The noise in my head was frequently loud (fears, regrets, negative thoughts about myself) and it was drink that turned down the volume, until the next morning.
I was a fearful alcoholic. Removing the alcohol just made me fearful.

I needed to change myself sufficiently so the noise in my head turned quiet. There was no point for me just to remove alcohol.
I needed to change my thinking. And I still need to make it stays changed.

Good luck.

Thanks Graeme. I know what you mean. I get very frightened and I have noise in my head about my upbringing, trying to remove my mother's voice/opinions from my head, my future, people who are being needy or not listening.

A few times recently though since I've drunk less I found a different me that I don't really know yet. Almost a blank space which is calmer and doesn't think about now in relation to the past and has a much healthier attitude to drinking. I can't get that back very often but it must relate to removing alcohol which has been part of my identity for so long.

satchmo1 wrote: »

Graeme & Piggy, I'm an obstinate drinker ("I WILL have more if I want to and don't try to tell me"... no-one's telling me, that's my inner argument with my sensible self).

I've been like that as well. I had a father who drank daily and a mother who hated it. I was out for a meal with them some years ago and he ordered a bottle of red wine. They both sat looking at me and he was trying to presuade me to have another glass (I hate red wine) and so was she. Him because it would excuse how much he had, and her so there was less left for him.

It was at her that I used to think 'I'll drink what I want', but after that meal I realised I couldn't win either way. Either I drink not much/nothing and I'm doing what she wants, or I drink what I want, go against her and become like him. So I've had that argument in my head for a long time and drink squashed it but didn't solve it. My sensible self, as you say, tends to tell me lately to look after my health but yeh there's the 'why do I have to?' voice.

shaggydoo wrote: »

Why not do a target with ALDs - alcohol low days - with a target of a low day of 4 or 3 units or less (whatever helps you achieve your goal). You could have an AFD (alcohol free day) target too if you wish. Whatever helps you. You could go target free (TF) for the rest of October so then you would be on 4/TF for October.

Thanks for the welcome I think I'll go for a target of 4 ALDs (less than 4 units) out of 7. Yesterday evening I had just less than 5 units, because I tipped the last couple of mouthfuls of a bottle of beer down the sink and went to bed.

So I'm not there yet, but this thread should make it more of a proper target than me keep missing them. Then I'll reduce the target..

piggles1

Honey_Bear wrote: »

I find other people's attitude to booze really, really strange. If you think you're drinking more than is healthy for you, good on you for tackling it.

Anyone who can stop for a year has achieved something amazing, and you've clearly got a huge amount of self-control to have done that.

If you can moderate and be happy with that, that sounds like a worthwhile goal to me. Good luck with it and keep posting.

Thanks Honey Bear Yes other people who haven't had to tackle it themselves think there's no problem. I've got to see one of them soon for a beer so that'll be a challenge.

I found I had more self control than I thought I had. When I cut down to half a bottle this time I was very straight with myself. But it's not that easy because it comes back to bite me. So my motto is 'don't take your eye off the ball'.

I think drinking every day is a bit dangerous for me and it can easily creep upwards, so my plan is moderation, but not every day. But yeh a year off, wish I could do that again.

maman

:wave: back from a week's holiday. No AFDs to report but all ALDs so a massive improvement on before joining the thread. Shared a bottle with DH in the evenings and that was about it except for a glass of rose two lunchtimes.


Won't be AF again until next week as out with friends later.


Good to see you back gien and welcome piggles.

Wanna_Bee_Free

I have read the last two pages and wanted to post properly - good luck Piggles and thank you for your posts, it sounds like you're in a good mindset to tackle this.
Maman, well done on your holiday being a success in moderation - I hope you had a lovely trip - was it good?
I managed another AF today so 5/21 please Shaggy.