Practicality verus sentiment

Prudent

marmitepotato wrote: »

Live in his house for a month, then both of you live in your house for a month. After that make a list of pros and cons of both houses and see which one has more pros. Try and make an unemotional decision on which house to live in....good luck.

To me this would be the ideal. We have lived in my house toegther for 18months and I have lived here for a lot longer. We know the good & bad points.

What is holding me back from trying this is the practicalities. All the build work on his house is now done and the house is decorated. It isn't carpeted though and most of the furniture he had before hand was at the end of its life (not even fit for a shabby chic makeover), so we ditched it rather than pay extra storage costs. If we sell we will put in cheaper/ different floor coverings than if we keep the house. I guess the only option would be to 'camp' in it, but I am not sure if this will give a true feeling?

Prudent

Thank you JackieO for helping me to explore the more sentimental side. OH and I are quite content living together, so ideally I would not like to be so pig headed about an old house that my practical side stands totally in the way. I am very nervous of letting and letting agents so hearing a positive spin is helpful. I would certainly be happier if at least in the interim I could hold on to this house. I had originally hoped my daughter might want to live in it, but she loves London and has no interest in returning.

Patchwork_Quilt

Don't let go of the house! Like other posters, I think you could rent it out at relatively little cost and trouble. This would enable you to 'let go', as it would not be yours for extended periods. However, the extra income would help both of you and would supply you with a safety blanket should anything awful happen to him or your relationship.

Justamum

Couldn't you rent his house out rather than yours?

Prudent

Justamum wrote: »

Couldn't you rent his house out rather than yours?

He doesn't want the hassle of a rental. The house has also been a full renovation project e.g. total rewire, new central hetaing system, kitchen, bathroom, windows and doors & full redocorate. Basically it was back to just the walls and some bits have even been re- roofed. It is in such fantastic condition now that he hates the thought of someone causing even minor damage.

Prudent

Patchwork_Quilt wrote: »

Don't let go of the house! Like other posters, I think you could rent it out at relatively little cost and trouble. This would enable you to 'let go', as it would not be yours for extended periods. However, the extra income would help both of you and would supply you with a safety blanket should anything awful happen to him or your relationship.

It would be very strange not to own a house. I bought this on a mortgage I shouldn't really have had (very insecure employment at the time) when Northern Rock were handing them out like sweets. With the help of MSE, I paid off the mortgage and then renovated. As a single mum also I had to make big sacrifices to do this and then being excessively frugal just became second nature :rotfl:.

One of the ideas I am ruminating on though is selling this house anyway as I no longer need a three bed semi just for me. I would like something smaller and more managable as I have a illness which makes combining this house with a demanding job hard going. I have joined the de-clutter thread to see what size of property I would actually really need .

sisbod

This may seem a little out of the box but how about listing what both of you want out of a house in the long term and then see which fits best? eg From your ill health perspective what do you need eg wheel chair access? modern facilities as high roofs will mean extra heating and you need to sit a lot? lots of light - in the right places? big or little garden - you get my drift?
Then see which matches best if at all then use that on a practical decision? You could always then go house hunting and use them to rebalance your thinking about either or both the houses!

or
how about renting a completely different house for 6mths that both of you contribute to both financially and in terms of furniture etc whilst renting out/mothballing your own house/s then if you want move back in and decide/find your perfect home - by then you will have lost your attachment in the same way to the house/s




TBH I am not hearing you actually feeling positive about the other house and that is not a good start for the idea of moving. Equally whilst partner has been clearly with you for a long period of time it sounds like he doesnt feel attached to your house - surely for a long term decision it need love for the accommodation by both parties?

sparrer

Another who agrees 100% others, I would urge not to sell your home, unless it's to but a smaller one. A letting agent took care of my properties, one in UK, one overseas, and I wouldn't have had it any other way, they were as particular as I would have been and I never once had a problem with them or with tenants. They really do the very best for you, after all you're employing them and their business doesn't want a bad reputation. There's no sentiment in holding on to bricks and mortar, it's a practical investment whether you live there or not and you've invested a lot of hard practical and financial work in it.

If it were me I'd sell the house, buy something smaller to let on a 6 month contract but which also suits you, move in with him for six months to see if it works, and if not move back into your own home. If you both live close by and feel the same about each other there's no reason why it can't work.

Re not having carpets in his house yet I feel that's not even consideration. Sounds like you've already made your decision and just wanted some confirmation from others. Good luck - and hold on to a home of your own!

sisbod

This may seem a little out of the box but how about listing what both of you want out of a house in the long term and then see which fits best? eg From your ill health perspective what do you need eg wheel chair access? modern facilities as high roofs will mean extra heating and you need to sit a lot? lots of light - in the right places? big or little garden - you get my drift?
Then see which matches best if at all then use that on a practical decision? You could always then go house hunting and use them to rebalance your thinking about either or both the houses!

or
how about renting a completely different house for 6mths that both of you contribute to both financially and in terms of furniture etc whilst renting out/mothballing your own house/s then if you want move back in and decide/find your perfect home - by then you will have lost your attachment in the same way to the house/s




TBH I am not hearing you actually feeling positive about the other house and that is not a good start for the idea of moving. Equally whilst partner has been clearly with you for a long period of time it sounds like he doesnt feel attached to your house - surely for a long term decision it need love for the accommodation by both parties?

Prudent

sisbod wrote: »

TBH I am not hearing you actually feeling positive about the other house and that is not a good start for the idea of moving. Equally whilst partner has been clearly with you for a long period of time it sounds like he doesnt feel attached to your house - surely for a long term decision it need love for the accommodation by both parties?

Thank you everyone for the help, it is much appreciated

I think this is very much at the centre of the dilemma. I don't like a lot about his property - the location, the layout and the fact that the bills will be higher. My reservation has been about how big a compromise it was for me.

I didn't reply earlier as I have been having quite a long discussion with OH and I think things have moved on quite a bit.
OH came back from his house and was discussing that more costs have arisen. It is a bit of a complex situation. Basically on holiday with some of his friends, the three of them came up with the idea of renovating the house. They agreed to get it valued as it stood, contribute equally to the costs of the renovation and split the profit. His friends were skilled in the building trade whereas OH has no skills. As the house progressed it was transformed and OH lost the will to sell and is really clutching at straws to keep it. Tonight he has come to a recognition that this would eat too much of his retiral lump sum and leave him to short of money thereafter. He also knows the ongoing running costs would be too much by himself, if I don't move in.

I don't want to buy into the house. It is not the type of house I would chose to own. For my contribution (in addition to paying half the bills), I said I would furnish it and buy all electrical/ household items. This to my mind makes it clear cut if we do split, I own the furniture/ household items & he owns the house. I was very badly hit in my split from ex hubby and have really got on my feet since thanks to all on MSE. I can't face that risk again as it has been such a struggle especially with health issues.

My gut instinct was also with the posters who told me to keep my own property.

I therefore have decided not to move into his house, but told him he would be welcome to remain here on the same basis (he contributes to bills). He would have the money from his house should he wish to move out at all.

Again all your comments are most welcome