really annoyed right now

split_second

hope someone can tell me I am not being unreasonable about this

basically we got engaged 2 and a half years ago, and had set our wedding date by about october 2011 possibly even earlier than that, we knew our guest list would be small, especially for the daytime as it was family and close friends for the day, due to the fact our venue got expensive for additional numbers.

from the moment we announced it on facebook it became apparent that my aunty (my mum's younger sister) was thrilled, she said as soon as we announced the wedding would be being planned that she wanted to come over (she lives abroad with my uncle, and has 2 sons- my cousins, both younger than me but grown up), she regularly speaks on the phone to my mum and has been asking questions about the wedding planning, if both my cousins are invited (of course they are), are their partners? (of course they are) and she was one of the first to know when the date was set, as were my cousins.

fast forward 2 years and my cousin announces on facebook he is engaged, this was about 2 months ago, we are thrilled for him. then one night i go round to my mum's to fix her computer and she tells me that she has been worried about telling me but she has fallen out with my aunty, she showed me the thread of messages, and my cousin has chosen the month before our wedding for his, my parents have already booked a holiday and my aunty was having a really big go at my mum for this and saying if they dont go to my cousin's wedding, they wont come to ours :eek: my mum is clearly upset by this and i am annoyed because someone has upset my mum, eventually my aunty says she will speak to my cousin about people not being able to make it, mainly as virtually all of my mum's side of the family said they couldnt make it.

this was how it was left until about a week ago, my uncle sent me a message asking about a particular hotel, is it near the venue etc, i reply that it is next to the venue and we have stayed there before and it is the best by far in the area, great he says we will get it booked. on christmas eve i took some shopping round to my mum's, and she has been speaking to my aunty that morning, she is coming to the wedding, as is my uncle and my cousin that is getting married, along with his new wife as she will be then, seeing as they are getting married the week before us :eek:

this isnt a wedding in the uk, it is near to where my cousin lives (cant reveal the country for the sake of keeping me anon), we priced it up and my parents will have to spend about £500 to go there, a week after they come back off their holiday and a week before our wedding, to attend a wedding abroad on their wedding anniversary, all to keep the peace :mad:

we wont be going and apparently at least half my mum's side of the family are not going either, I darent ask the ones I dont know about as I dont want to be asked my opinion by members of the family

so, my question is, I havent told any of my family apart from my parents and my fiancee that I am really annoyed with how this has all happened, and they are exactly the same as me, but how does all this look to an outsider?

slopemaster

how does all this look to an outsider?

er.........complicated?

Tigsteroonie

I think it's up to your parents whether they want to attend your cousin's wedding, SS. They know the pressures they are under (holiday plus your wedding), and your Mum obviously has the closest relationship with your Aunty, so I think she has to decide whether to bow to the perceived pressure to attend or not. You can't decide for her, nor would you have to be the one to decline the invitation on their behalf (and you have good reason for declining your own invitation).

Stop fretting :cool: Yes it's annoying that they've arranged their wedding for just before yours, but there's probably d*mn all you can do about it. So decline, forget, and keep on with arranging your own.

PS - where's our invitation?

eleanor73

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Stop fretting :cool: Yes it's annoying that they've arranged their wedding for just before yours, but there's probably d*mn all you can do about it. So decline, forget, and keep on with arranging your own.

PS - where's our invitation?

Agree with this. Spot on.

duchy

Your Mum and Dad are grown ups - They appear to be capable of making their own decisions and are considerate enough not to drag you into a family squabble -I'd let sleeping relatives lie and not get involved (and be grateful you're not having it adding to your own wedding stress...unless you choose to let it)

Frankly "international" families and weddings always have some people who can't go -I think it's great your Mum is able to go as she's obviously close to her sister and nephew. She has made her choice - why not support her in a positive way instead of moaning at her and taking away some of her enjoyment of the trip and reunion with many of her family she presumably doesn't see very often.

ognum

It always amazes me that brides begin to think that the whole world should revolve around them and their wedding and the rest of their friends and family hold do what they want.

Frankly I think you are being a bit selfish and childish. Be happy for your cousin, just because you chose a long engagement doesnt mean they should. They may have a very good reason to get married on the date they have chosen and even if they don't it's up to them.

Stop stamping your foot and move on.

ognum

I note you have been annoyed about this since October when you wrote a similar thread! Time to let go!

rachiibell

Personally I wouldn't want to get married on a date close to a relative or friends wedding so I find it a bit odd your cousin picked that date unless it was meaningful to them (I really want to get married on the same date as our anniversary. Thats only going to come round on a weekend every so often so as soon as oh proposes I will jump at the next chance I get!)