Just starting!

mrsbunny1979

OK so I have decided its time to battle the demons!!
My husband and I have been caught in a cycle of living well beyond our means, getting into debt and then clearing it with loans, getting into debt again, then a bigger loan and are now faced with a massive loan and a few smaller debts. I have decided its time to break the cycle :T

We were one of the foolish few who took out a together mortgage but thankfully the house is no longer in negative equity with that. The problem is the large secured loan that did push us well into negative equity. We are in a position now where if we can clear the smaller debts our IFA has said she may be able to put the secured loan and the mortgage together so we are looking into that for the future but in the mean time we have to clear the smaller stuff (that doesn't seem so small at the moment!!)

I owe £5000 on a loan, my husband owes £7500 on a loan and £900 on a Barclaycard. We also have a sofa we still owe £450 on, and I owe the bank of Dad £12,500. Obviously I have had the discussion with my Dad and the smaller debts must go first due to interest rates but I am still paying him £200 a month. My idea is to start debt snowballing so I can hammer the debts and get them cleared as quickly as possible.

My main problem isn't really me, its my husband. He won't talk about money (which is why we got ourselves into this mess in the first place) and we end up arguing because he says I'm going on about it. I just want him to see that there is an end to it if we both work at it, but we have to work together. He is self employed and TBH he is a rubbish businessman!!! :rotfl: He waits ages before he collects payment and I have had to start badgering him to collect which causes more arguments. He has started to be more organised in his business which I am hoping will continue but its been a slog to get this far.

Sorry to ramble but its hard with no one to talk to. When I speak to hubby he gets stroppy and won't talk about it, and when I try to talk to my Dad I get the lecture on how much I have spent, which I really don't need, I am well aware of it!!:rotfl:

Thanks for your support guys, its thanks to this website that I have made a start and will eventually be debt free :j

good_advice

Welcome to our world bunny. Well done for beginning your journey.

Sazzie23

Welcome aboard Mrs B,

I think sometimes one or the other in a relationship finds money confronting. Is hubby ok with reading stuff, maybe you could leave budget plans lying around for him to read at leisure, or discuss with dad if he might know how to bring the subject up....be careful with this one though hubby might be offended you talked about it with dad.

Not much of a business head myself but I guess there must be business advisors, maybe you could find a free one who could talk to hubby about the way forward in business. There is a lot going on with your finances, loans, dad, business, perhaps it would be easier to tolerate in smaller chunks than in one go...I dunno it's just a thought?

foxgloves

Hello bunny,
My husband wasn't on board with the debt busting at first. Your post really resonated with me, because we also lived beyond our means for ages, then we'd consolidate it into a single loan…......while we continued to build up credit cards & overdrafts again. We consolidated 3 times, each time borrowing a bit more. I decided I wanted to clear our debts, start saving for things instead of borrowing, etc. We did have some initial conflict, as he thought I was thinking too much about economising, nagging him, talking about money stuff 'all the time', etc, & I thought it would be very difficult. However, I cracked on with first getting my current account solvent, then I started overpaying a loan. As he saw my debts coming down & how motivating I was finding it, he started wanting in on the action & from then on, we've pretty much worked as a team. One thing we did discover is that although he is now very good at not wasting money, I emerged as the stronger budgeter, so although we make financial decisions jointly, I do all the budgeting because I'm better at it. Every month, after I've done the budget we have a head to head about how we're doing. That way, we can have a designated time to talk about our finances & I don't need to "go on about money all the time". Perhaps something like this might work for you. One thing I do know is that after over 2 decades of overspending, we both feel much happier now that we are in control of our money, so you are doing absolutely the right thing. Good luck with it all.

nearlyrich

In business it's likely that there will be aspects that someone is not comfortable with and that's where the clever business minded person gets help. Collecting the money is a huge part of running a business, does he invoice or is it a more cash orientated business? He needs to find a way of enforcing his debt collection maybe writing contracts that reflect his payment policy.

Flutterby83

Hi mrsbunny, I'm new here too I've found everyone really helpful so far and after doing nothing but read alot (and I mean alot!) of threads on here for a few days, I feel more motivated and confident that I can become debt free. My partner thinks I'm going a little bit extreme but I'm sure he'll come round once the debts start falling he is self-employed too but they collect payments on a 4 weekly basis, maybe this is something you could discuss with your husband in that he could pick a date each month to receive money by? Good luck x

gracesophia

Congratulations on starting your debt-free journey Mrs Bunny! I'm definitely the more financially organised in my relationship - it's a difficult place to be, and I can definitely see why it's one of the things couples most frequently argue about! I'm also in debt to my parents, and am hoping that doesn't affect our relationship too much.. Good luck!

mrsbunny1979

nearlyrich wrote: »

In business it's likely that there will be aspects that someone is not comfortable with and that's where the clever business minded person gets help. Collecting the money is a huge part of running a business, does he invoice or is it a more cash orientated business? He needs to find a way of enforcing his debt collection maybe writing contracts that reflect his payment policy.

He installs tv aerials and puts tvs on walls so its mores payment there and then sort of thing but if someone says they will put a cheque in the post he agrees to it but then won't chase it up when the inevitably don't pay promptly. I have asked him to start writing down a list of people who haven't paid so he can keep track cos I'm sure there must be work he has forgotten about and he has started this but there is still a lot of money owed to him which we could really do with getting in. I'll just keep nagging him as usual

foxgloves

I can't remember the last time someone did some work for me & allowed me to 'put a cheque in the post'. It's too open to abuse from people who try it on with not paying. Perhaps when the appointment is set up, your partner could make it clear that payment is expected on the same day. Even if it's a cheque, at least he'd be walking away with it in his pocket.

Twentytwothousand

Payment should be immediate on completion of a job. If you work that into the T and Cs it not be a shock and saves you money. Doyou know how much you owe altogether? The SOA is very useful even if the results can be shocking. Good luck!

mrsbunny1979

Twentytwothousand wrote: »

Doyou know how much you owe altogether? The SOA is very useful even if the results can be shocking. Good luck!

Managed to add it all together today, between 2 credit cards, money i owe to mum and dad plus 2 loans we owe £30k.
A hell of a shock and put me on a bit of a downer as I was hoping to be debt free in 3 years but that just seems impossible now. But, I will be debt free, and in 3 years time it may not all be gone but I will have paid off a massive chunk and will be older, wiser and able to live within my means. :T

Need to just get hubby sorted. When I told him the grand total he just moaned about how I was depressing him. Told him to grow up and start taking responsibility for his debt. He helped me get into it, he can bloody well help me get out of it. I'll let you know how it goes when he starts talking to me again

Thanks for your support guys. Its gonna be a long road but I will get there in the end.