Advice on the next step please

Poppie68

Morning.

After some advice on were to take this next.
Daughter works in a very small team, another member of staff who is in a more senior position and is more than double DD age is bullying her.
DD has spoken to the manager several times who each time promises to speak to the bully and deal with the issue but just seems to skate over the problem.

This in the last week have got worse and daughter phoned her boss (only on site twice a week) who promised to come in finally sort it.
The manager came in and refused to speak to my daughter in private but instead brought the issue up in the fortnightly team meeting..in the form of ' i know there are issues with you 2 and these stop here, i am sick of dealing with it'. My daughter was mortified and very upset and is now at a loss of were to go next.
Another very long standing member of staff who has been there through 3 owners has also spoken to the manager on my daughters behalf several times and confirmed this bullying is going on and that my daughter does'nt warrant this type of behavouir against her.
There is another member of staff that follows the bully like a sheep but has to the main not started bullying verbally but when the bully decides to ignore my daughter the sheep also gives her the silent treatment.
Management obviously believe there is an issue as they have removed the bully from her senior role and given the 'title' to the long standing employee, again this was done in the general meeting and not in private and left my daughter to now deal with the further resentment of their desicion.

Daughter is today registering with a union, but where do we go from here? To date she has never put in a grievance in writing, is this the next step?

Any and all help and advice appreciated.

BlueSky1

Oh your daughter has my sympathy. I was bullied at school and then bullied at work.

It was a very long story but basically the women I worked with didn't like me doing my job while they skived! For the last six months none of them spoke to me and the management wouldn't do anything. In the end I walked out and told them to shove it, and then I started a business of my own. That was 20+ years ago and I've never looked back - in fact I have a lot to thank them for - but not everyone is in the position to do that.

I tried talking to the ringleaders (there were two of them but the others were as spiteful), arguing with them, and screaming at them. It made no difference at all.

My recommendation would be to try to do something about it while she is there, but I'd start looking for another job if she isn't already. Even if 'action' is taken, it won't stop the problem - even if the bully is sacked there could be a nasty taste left with other employees - you'll have to ask her what her views on that.

I do know they make your life a misery - I wouldn't work with women in an office again rent free! I always say I'd rather clean toilets for old women than work for someone again. The bigger problem is that it's almost everywhere you go to some extent.

One final piece of consolation 'what goes round comes around' and you might not be there to see it but she'll get her turn served somewhere along the line.

Good luck!

Poppie68

Thankyou very much for your reply...the option of looking for another job at the moment is'nt viable at the moment as she is doing further training..after that she will have many options available to her.
Strangly when she has spoke to her manager previously they told my daughter that the owner wanted to sack the bully anyway as she was'nt doing her job correctly and taking advantage of management not being on site all the time.(my daughter has'nt shared this with anyone else). The bully even seems to run their 'auction' business from the office and has been warned twice but still continues to do it.
I really think it's just easier for them to say 'pack it in' than deal with a dismissal, but my daughter has now come to realise that she needs to be taken seriously and is determined to take it further, we are just not sure which route it needs to go.
When the bully is not in the place runs like clockwork and all staff get on great..I have no idea why they all seem reluctant to tackle her about her behaviour. I went in 3 weeks ago to meet my daughter for lunch, the bully spotted me at the doorway and flames shot from her heels as she ran into a back room.
I can't fight the battle for my daughter but i am going to help her fight it.

ArtoDeeto

Very sorry to read this. Sometimes it seems what should happen, ie management actually helping, doesn't. Easy to say, I got bullied at school so know the feeling, but sometimes you have to push through and make yourself dominant - I am a shy person deep down but push.
A rubbish answer I know as it is not that easy but you have to realise how much you are worth...

elsien

Do the organisation have a bullying/harassment policy? I think getting hold of a copy of that would be her next step - she may well have to head down the written grievance route, but looking at what the policies say might help her decide how best to word it.
She also needs to be keeping a diary of what's happening, any witnesses and the times she's been to her manager. Is this recorded or was it a conversation that wasn't followed up in any other way.
What about supervisions - does she have those and has the bullying been discussed there?

ValHaller

Poppie68 wrote: »

Management obviously believe there is an issue as they have removed the bully from her senior role and given the 'title' to the long standing employee, again this was done in the general meeting and not in private and left my daughter to now deal with the further resentment of their desicion.

Although there is some blow back from this, it was a very public cutting down to size for the bully and in a way, you could not ask for more.

I think your daughter needs to look at assertiveness for dealing with this bully. The bully has been very much cut down in status and is now trying to appear bigger than she is.

Takeaway_Addict

ValHaller wrote: »

Although there is some blow back from this, it was a very public cutting down to size for the bully and in a way, you could not ask for more.

I think your daughter needs to look at assertiveness for dealing with this bully. The bully has been very much cut down in status and is now trying to appear bigger than she is.

I have to agree, its a very crude way of doing it but I would expect effective, especially if they have been effectively demoted (albeit by title).

Your daughter needs to grab the nettle and start being more assertive and not standing for it. Aside from that make sure she is making notes of incidences.

Because nothing was made formal it sounds to the boss like normal office politics which frankly are boring to deal with when people can't get on.

Personally I think she needs to start afresh on this one, the bully has been rebuked, taking this any further now won't stand her in goodstead with her boss.

Southend1

The first and most important thing for your daughter to do is to tell the bully her bullying behaviours are unacceptable and have to stop. This won't stop the bullying but it will protect your daughter from anyone arguing she accepted the behaviour, e.g. In a later grievance hearing.

Joining a union is definitely the right thing to do but this should have been done on day one of the job, not now that there is a problem. Your daughter should check her union's policy on assistance with pre-existing issues.

Your daughter should keep a diary of all incidents. Date, time, location, witnesses, details of what was said or done.

Now that she has discussed the problem informally with her manager, raising a formal written grievance would be the next step. But she must inform the bully her behaviour is unacceptable first. She can do this verbally with witnesses or in writing. Be careful how she does this, in case she is accused of bullying herself. Stick to facts, be objective, focus on the behaviours not the person.

Your daughter may also benefit from some professional counselling, which could help her gain some perspective on the situation and understand that she is not the one with the problem.

Good luck!

Poppie68

Thankyou to everyone who has responded.

The bullying takes the form of always putting her down..telling my daughter that if they start making people redundant she will be the first to go, critisizing every thing she does, after my daughter actually went up to her and asked her what the problem was and why did she feel the need to always put her down the bully now keeps telling her she has an attitude problem. Last week it started to get personal when she started saying to her 'i don't know how your family put up with you, i have over heard you talking to your mum on the phone and the way you speak to her is disgusting.

I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer but will just say that remark is so way of the mark it's unbelivable.
The best thing is this woman is a practising christian...

Anyway my daughter can actually deal well with situations but as this issue has been going on now for over 12 months it has worn her down. This woman is now ignoring my daughter, which my girl actually likes lol. She is joining Unite just in case she needs advice and help in the future, but for now she is going to start keeping a diary and has actually recorded one instance of this woman trying to degrade her and is compilling a file. Now this woman has been 'punished' my daughter is feeling more confident and for now is more than happy she is being ignored.
Again thankyou for everyones advice.



EDIT: Thanks Southend1.. as she has already spoken to the woman i agree that a formal wrtitten grievence is the way a head. Things may be quite now but she will surely start again.