Stupid Mess gone to Gross Misconduct

Nicki

delabane wrote: »

As I said, it was all due to lack of thought. Before this all happened she had a perfect record, no issues at all. Why throw all that away after 6 years for a gift card.

A year ago, a co-worker was stealing food, did it several times. She was suspended and then went on maternity leave. I really hope they just give her a warning.

Trouble is that the sanction for stealing £200 from a managers drawer is not likely to be on the same level as the sanction for pinching a colleagues sandwich from the fridge whilst pregnant. Both are of course dishonest but not really in the same league of seriousness.

yvonne13_2

OP no matter how you try and dress it up your wife stole the gift cards simple as.

She shouldn't have taken them without the managers consent and to activate it is unbelievable.

marybelle01

TBH I agree with those that say it makes little difference whether she resigns or not, but I am afraid that she still needs to "improve" on the inconsistencies in her story. If every other aspect of the story was to be believed - and I am sorry but some aspects are really far-fetched - she told her colleague in a conversation which was recorded that if nobody "claimed" (i.e. noticed) that the other card was missing she intended to keep it. It is pretty hard to imagine what possible reason she could have had for saying that she intended to steal the card if she could get away with it - and I am sorry but that is what she said. Are you seriously suggesting that having just woken up and/or having some stress at home made her mentally incapable of knowing right from wrong? Because that is what the employer is going to be asking - does she have some reason for not knowing that this was theft? Sorry but you are doing the whole rose tinted spectacles thing if you think that denying she had it and then activating it is evidence that she didn't intend to steal, when she stated that she intended to steal it if she thought she'd get away with it.

If your wife is that seriously ill that she does not know right from wrong - and I accept that that can be the case.... where is her medical evidence supporting this? Even if it doesn't exist now, you need to encourage her to get to the GP as soon as possible, not just because it may help her defence, but because she is seriously ill and needs help. What she did was seriously wrong, and I think the reactions of people here may tell you that already. The fact that todays version differs so seriously from your previous one suggests that she has either seriously lied to you, or you lied to us - and I suspect I know which of those is the case.

If I am honest, I am less concerned about whether she keeps her job or not, and I think you should be too. What you are describing is verging on mental breakdown or serious self-harming (self-harming is not always about cutting yourself - it can simply be a "death wish" as in destroying something important to you - like your job). If what you are now describing is mostly accurate, she's a thief or ill, and I suspect the answer is ill, because there is usually more history with the former.

In terms of her employment I would prepare for the worst. But that may not be the worst coming if she doesn't get the help that it sounds like she urgently needs.

Dovah_diva

delabane wrote: »

My wife has been accused of Potential Gross Misconduct.

Recently everyone in her company was given a Voucher Card except my wife and another co-worker.

In their office there is a draw which was used for bits and bobs, it was neverallocated a user and no one has ever said this draw belongs to Joe Bloggs. A co-worker of hers, went in said draw and said that there was gift cards in there.

My wife, without thinking (was near the end of her 2 12 hour shift with little sleep in between) asked if she could have one. Her co-workers said (Iam surprised you have not been given one).

So she helped herself to something that did not belong to her. That is, I'm afraid, theft.

delabane wrote: »

The cards were not assigned to anyone and she had no idea how many they had andthought if there were not activated they were something that would be thrownaway. On Monday everyone was looking for the cards and they found out she hadtaken them.

I do not believe that anyone would think a £100 gift card would be thrown away - and I don't believe she thought that either.

delabane wrote: »

A co-worker phoned her up and unknown to her it was recorded. She said she had the card and was going to keep the other if no one claimed it but she had not activated it. She had just woken up, was very stressed due to some home issues and has no idea why she said this.

So she admitted that she'd stolen two cards and intended keeping and using both, assuming no one noticed.

delabane wrote: »

If she intended to steal this, she would have denied having it and would have activated it.

Right, of course she would. Of course, she didn't know the call was being recorded. I would suggest she thought her co-worker was in on it and therefore could be trusted.

delabane wrote: »

While she had activated hers, she left the otherone with the intention of taking it back if she remembered.

If she remembered??

delabane wrote: »

She really likes her job and is worried about getting fired over a sillymistake which was probably escalated by the manager after she was blamed for not being able to find said card.

It wasn't a mistake - she stole £200 from the company - and has admitted it. Of course it was escalated by her manager - and I bet her manager was livid at being blamed for something she was not responsible for.

delabane wrote: »

I am just wondering if she is best to resign or explain the truth that it wasall a big mistake which has escalated un-necessarily.

It wasn't a mistake and it's not been escalated unnecessarily so that's a poor defence. She should apologise profusely, say she a temporary lapse of reason and it will never, ever happen again. They'll probably still sack her, though.

delabane wrote: »

As I said above, she has been honest and did not deny having the card.

She also said she intended keeping and spending both cards. Even though they hadn't been given to her. She has not been honest and needs to face up to this.

Her complaints about being ignored and victimised are simply smoke screens. IF this is the case, it is entirely separate and should have been dealt with earlier. It is not a great reason to steal.

I think your wife is guilty and will be fired. She can resign but it makes little difference to her chances for future employment.

marybelle01

Dovah_diva wrote: »

I think your wife is guilty and will be fired. She can resign but it makes little difference to her chances for future employment.

Harsh though it is, I am sorry to say that I agree with every word except the last sentence. Being dismissed (or resigning) when a theft has occurred isn't a great reference. But unless the OP is hopelessly naïve, I think there is more to this than simply a matter of theft. If she is ill - and I am not saying she is, but all my experience is telling me it should be considered - then there are ways back into employment that do not involve lies. Some employers can understand. Not all, I agree. But some.

To be honest her story (or stories) all sound so far-fetched as to suggest she is unable to construct reality around her - thieves are generally much, much better at telling lies! At some level most human beings lie at times - "yes, that dress looks lovely on you, but I think the green would be better for this occasion". In other words, the dress is awful, don't wear it, but I can construct a lie that works until I think of something better. Dishonest people are usually better at it than most of us! The OP's wife doesn't sound very adept. Something made her steal, yes. She stole. But unless the OP is very naïve (or lying to us) this is so far out of character as to be worrying. That probably won't change the outcome - but it may change the long term.

I've employed people who have stolen. I know others who have too. No, not habitual thieves. But sometimes life just gangs up on you, and you make stupid mistakes. You shouldn't be condemned forever for one mistake.

Nicki

I just don't see any signs of mental illness in either of OP's thread. Which isn't to say his wife isn't mentally ill but it would need to be quite acute for her not to be able to distinguish right from wrong and if so I think OP would surely have noticed.

What I see is a tired and disgruntled employee who had a chip on her shoulder about being treated unfairly due to working weekends only who decided to take the law into her own hands to rectify a perceived unfairness without thinking through the consequences. Unfortunately what she did, whether she meant it or not, constituted quite a significant theft. Not that different to an employee deliberately committing what was intended to be a small act of sabotage on the workplace out of a sense of grievance and ending up causing criminal damage.

I'm quite happy to believe that this was a first for OP's wife and a misjudgment rather than preplanned dishonesty but it doesn't change the predicament she has landed herself in.

monty-doggy

Op I know you won't want to hear all of the above but the advice is correct. I made a mistake (genuine mistake) at work recently which meant I had inadvertently used £10 of company money for my own personal postage.(and I might add in full knowledge of the whole team so no dishonestly) I paid the money back as soon as I remembered but I was dismissed for it.
I was utterly devastated and have had my life turned upside down but I dealt with it, accepted I was wrong, mistake or not and I faced up to it.

I went to the disciplinary rather than resigning because running away from it won't help. It will leave an unknown of what if...and make her look guilty.(and I did that thanks to the advice of the people on this forum)

She should face the consequences no matter what they are and learn from it.
Please listen to the people on here, they give good advice, and if you ask for the advice you should take it rather than listen to what you want to hear.

Good luck.

fruitedeli

The way OP posted two variations of the same scenario makes me think this is a law essay he's trying to write, and pretending it's a real life problem so people here can help him formulate an answer. Lol.

Your 'wife' is going to jail bro.

Dovah_diva

fruitedeli wrote: »

The way OP posted two variations of the same scenario makes me think this is a law essay he's trying to write, and pretending it's a real life problem so people here can help him formulate an answer.

You could be right, I thought the recorded phone conversation a bit odd. If that is the case, then he needs to sort out his written English.

FBaby

It sounds that all she can do at this stage is limit damage. Even for total strangers, even dressing it up, it is obvious that she stole the cards. Using the excuse that she was tired, that she forgot, that she was still sleepy etc... are more denial excuses than justified reasons for stealing.

You and your wife would be much better of accepting she did very wrong and learn from it than trying to convince yourself that she is treated unfairly, as she will need to ensure she doesn't reciprocate such an error of judgement in future roles.