It's official. The date for an independent Scotland will be...

chucknorris

Loughton_Monkey wrote: »

Apparently, a "Yes" vote would guarantee a Conservative majority forever in what's left of UK. But the Scots know which side of their bread is buttered and will not go for it.

Hmmm, in that case (if I had a vote) I would definitely vote for them to go, not so much getting rid of Scotland, but getting rid of labour.

chris_m

Loughton_Monkey wrote: »

The White Paper is just out, of course.

It's a massive tome, but to me it looks excellent. I have thought of so many uses of it already.....

• Throw it at the television when Fiona Bruce come on.

I'd rather throw it at the telly when Salmond comes on.

chris_m

IveSeenTheLight wrote: »

You have to wonder why are the conservatives so keen to keep the Union then?
Do you have any suggestions?

Just a wild guess - it could have something to do with the full name of the conservatives' party?

zagubov

antrobus wrote: »

It is one thing to vote for independence, it is another thing to actually be independent. Achieving Scottish independence will require some considerable negotiations over well, practically everything; from arrangements for driving licenses to the national debt, not to mention EU/EFTA (whatever) membership. If I was the UK prime minister and I was faced with the prospect of having to strike a deal with the Scots on these sort of issues, I'd be ever so happy that they've now told me that they're working to an 18 month deadline. All I'd have to do is throw a few wobblies into the mix and I'd be able to screw concession after concession out of them as they struggled to meet their target date.

Only an idiot reveals his negotiating position before the negotiations commence.

Czech Republic and Slovakia became independent while still negotiating for years afterwards. Not a deal-breaker. Shared a currency for a while.

Sent a letter to the UN stating they'd conisder themselves bound by al pre-existing treaties. Why on earth do they have to make things look so simple when it's obviously better to make it difficult?

Loughton_Monkey

IveSeenTheLight wrote: »

You have to wonder why are the conservatives so keen to keep the Union then?

Do you have any suggestions?

I think that privately they would love it. It's just patriotism that keeps the boy Cameron saying "bu99er off Scotland and give us secure government for the next 25 years".

Michael Gove was born in Scotland and has distant Scottish relatives all over the world anxious to keep up with developments. I believe a letter to one of his aunts in Australia has been leaked.........

Dear Auntie Morag,

Many thanks for the nice kangaroo cuff links you sent me for my birthday. I will wear them with pride.

You asked about how my job is going and I have to report that things are getting worse. The economy is picking up a bit thanks to Gideon's master stroke to ramp up house prices at just the right pace to make the plebs feel better at the next election. But education continues to go down the pan but I cleverly try to avoid it by hitting out at Social Workers.

The really big issue, though, is our 'old country'. Scotland has reared its ugly head again. You will remember me telling you about that fishy communist boy Alex Salmon [see picture]....



Well he's teamed up with one of the Krankies [see picture].....



... to gain support to leave the nest.

[You must remember the Krankies? Fandabidozi and all that?]

A totally mad idea, as you know. Of course now they have their own so-called parliament, and always cost us money, you can understand why the entire cabinet are privately saying "sooner the better". The trouble is we have to keep a straight face in public and with the media to pretend we don't want them to go. This is because the current thinking is that the Scottish public are not that stupid, and when the referendum fails, we have to continue living with them.

They've just published their proposals which are so lengthy, nobody can read them. But we cut out chunks and allocated them around members of the cabinet and we all have to pour scorn on our little piece.

Gideon, of course, got the easy bit. These Krankies came up with the joke of the century. They want to keep the £sterling. Well we all rolled on the floor laughing, but eventually "came to" and went home to prepare our 'attack'. Gideon, of course continued to laugh because he has no further work to do. Doesn't need to read any more. Just say "No. Over my dead body" and will obviously dine out on that one for years.

I have to find ways of preventing the Scottish using English money to provide free childcare. If they do that, they'll all want it here and I need to find 6 good reasons why we can't do that. I'm going to get help from that Alistair Darling. Yes, auntie, I know he's from the 'other side' but on this matter he looks positively fascist compared to 'wetballs'.

So it's all rather fun, but gives us a lot of work battling it out with Paxman and the Pinkos over at the BBC. But as always, I will come through it to look like the good statesman that I am....

Fandabidozi,



Michael.

PS I would have sent you their white paper 'comic' but it's very heavy and I can't put things like that on expenses these days. Sure you will understand.