When will my OH have their LBM?

MrsGSR

I opened a CC bill of DH's by accident and saw he is paying a huge amount of interest on it. Only last month I instructed him to move both cards to zero balance of which he has done one. This one he said he didn't realise it had run out :mad: :mad: I said he needed to switch it but he wants to wait for another statement to come :huh:
I've spent the last two months working really hard on our JA trying to clear the OD, I've shaved loads of our bills and switched our bank account. I've worked hard on my own account, the shopping budget and clearing my CCs. I've gone without so many things for the greater good but he just will not realise this.

He sabotages my shopping budget by buying more stuff so I took his JA card off him. He still uses his card to buy stuff but complains he is skint.

It's actually starting to drain me now, I can't do this alone. That debt in my signature well £469.20 of it is mine the rest is his.

Will he ever have an LBM or will i be fighting a losing battle? Cos I'm getting fed up!

strandedinaber

I say this from the perspective of a singleton, but I think you need to talk to him - sit him down and explain your reasons for trying to reduce your debt and that you need his help to do so.

Do you both have a 'pocket money' budget? Could you convince him to sit down and look at the accounts with you and agree on a mutually acceptable pocket money amount?

MrsGSR

strandedinaber wrote: »

I say this from the perspective of a singleton, but I think you need to talk to him - sit him down and explain your reasons for trying to reduce your debt and that you need his help to do so.

Do you both have a 'pocket money' budget? Could you convince him to sit down and look at the accounts with you and agree on a mutually acceptable pocket money amount?

I have done this. I made him admit his CC debts so I could work out a plan.
I don't make any allowances for pocket money esp for myself but may be good for him.

System

Ultimately you could try what I did with my husband when we had problems a few years ago... Taking control of all finances.

When my husband (wasn't my husband back then) had to ask my permission for everything he purchased he soon started caring more about his money. Now he looks after things himself again, successfully, with no debt, and recently, when on a holiday we saved up for rather than getting into debt for, he remarked how glad he was that I had made him better with money.

Sometimes you have to just take complete control and if he won't allow you then perhaps consider moving forward if you want the rest of your life to be a financial struggle.

MrsGSR

Thanks katykicker. Maybe that's what I should do but he quite secretive about them which isn't good!

dotdash79

My OH is always going on about me taking control of her finances as she's rubbish, but I don't want the responsibility of managing mine and her finances.

I think someone in the mid 30s should be decent at managing money.

JulieGeorgiana

My DH tried to take control of his finances and failed. He asked me to help him and now we are married we made it all joint and I look after it. BUT DH and I review it together, and any overspend is a joint responsibility.

It works for us x

DH also had his LBM after reading an article which made him read this book (it's something along the lines of 'who is the millionaire, the surgeon or the farmer? Answer: The farmer has the money in the bank. The surgeon has hardly any assets or savings because he SPENDS his money on giving the image of being a millionaire) my husband stopped buying 'things' after that. He gets charity shop clothes by choice and wears a £25 watch instead of a Rolex and sold his BMW.

The Millionaire Next Door
http://amazon.co.uk/dp/0671015206

bargainbetty

You have another option - let him deal with his own debts.

Change your existing joint account to one with no overdraft. Work out how much each of you need to put in there each month to cover all the bills, and have a standing order to do it. Agree that no funds will be taken out of that account for personal spending. It is not your money once it goes in.

Each of you have your own, personal account. Your salary goes in, and once the household money is out, you can do as you please. If he wants to waste his, that's his choice. As long as he knows that you won't bail him out, and nor will the household fund, he might feel a bit more inclined to take slightly better care of his own finances.

Sometimes handling everything for a couple as a couple isn't the best course of action. He only hears 'no', 'we can't have that', because he doesn't have to take full control of his own money. Let him learn.

Good luck

MrsGSR

bargainbetty wrote: »

You have another option - let him deal with his own debts.

Change your existing joint account to one with no overdraft. Work out how much each of you need to put in there each month to cover all the bills, and have a standing order to do it. Agree that no funds will be taken out of that account for personal spending. It is not your money once it goes in.

Each of you have your own, personal account. Your salary goes in, and once the household money is out, you can do as you please. If he wants to waste his, that's his choice. As long as he knows that you won't bail him out, and nor will the household fund, he might feel a bit more inclined to take slightly better care of his own finances.

Sometimes handling everything for a couple as a couple isn't the best course of action. He only hears 'no', 'we can't have that', because he doesn't have to take full control of his own money. Let him learn.

Good luck

Thanks for this.
I have changed our existing JA to one that doesn't charge OD for 12 months. It is used for bills and not for spending, he is fine with this.
I wouldn't be so bothered if he didn't say oh I need to clear my debts but isn't as proactive as me.