What a mess!!

mcmarky

I so hopeful that someone can help.
I have burried my head in the sand and hoped it would all go away.
OK - my situation - I have a joint mortgage with my partner - mortgage owed is £142,000. Property value is about £165,000. We are very happy together and she is heavily pregnant. She knows nothing of my debts outlined below - it would destroy her.
I can't sleep and can't motivate myself to do my job properly.
I have debts of:- £14,500 to a collection agency, £11,500 to a collection agency, £2,000 to a collection agency, £3,500 to a collection agency.
I have been on the phone to Debt Free Direct who advised me that an IVA would be the best option.
The collection agency that I owe £11,500 to have sent me Statutory Demand threatening bankrupcy. My partner and I have worked so hard to make a secure home - we can't lose that.
Sorry for waffling on - but I don't know what to do.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks

Sus1e

First things first - take a deep breath and grab a cup of tea.

Now. Have a pat on the back for actually acknowledging that there is a problem and for being man enough to do something about it.

Then Post a statement of affairs on here (incomings verus outgoings - see southernscouser's sticky about how to do it). People will then be able advise you as to what is to do.

There are people on here with a wealth of experience who have been in the same situation as you and have managed to pull themselves out of bigger holes.

Good luck!

Skint_Catt

:hello: Hi and don't worry! There will be someone on here to help you!

Firstly, try CCCS not Debt Free Direct. CCCS is a charity and WILL NOT CHARGE you for an IVA if this is what they think you should do.

Someone will be along soon,

C xx

Storm

Not much to add, but echoing Skint_Catt - please talk to CCCS before making any firm decision as they are a charity, so they are not looking to make a profit out of you. I believe IVAs do have some fee attached as they need to be set up by an insolvency practitioner, but they'll be a lot cheaper!

Pop up a SoA, and we'll see where you might be able to save money each month to go towards the debts, plus you'll get advise on how to raise extra money too.

As for your partner - I think not telling her at all is more likely to damage your relationship than telling her will - you say it would destroy her, but I bet she's stronger than you think. Others on here have told their other halves, and from memory they've all been supportive (if initially quite shocked!)

Good luck

PigginSkint

Hi there

well done for posting on here - it is a good first step! Please don't panic, there is always a way out.

I would like to echo what Pania said - I think you should really consider talking to your partner. If you have a good relationship she will know that you have something on your mind and she is probably imagining all sorts. If anything she will be (a) hurt that you felt you couldn't tell her, and (b) relieved that you are not having an affair. She may be shocked to start with but it will get better. Also you will no longer have to deal with this on your own. To use the old cliche - a problem shared is a problem halved.

here's a hug because I think you need it :grouphug:

It will get better!

Ignatius_A

I have the following advice:

The page http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan has a video on it page - it deals with lots of what you're talking about. Martin speaks in an easy to understand straightforward no-nonsense manner and gives you everything you need to get started

He even talks about the touchy issue of how to talk to your partner.

Whatever you do - dump debt free direct. cccs will give you better (impartial) advice and you'll get it free.

congratulations on admitting your situation and making a decision to do something about it.

AJolly

Hi welcome to the boards, and well done on facing up to your debt problems you are not the only one just take a look at my signature. As already stated post up a SoA and there will be guys along to help, and advise the best way forward.

mcmarky

Thank you so much for your replies so far.
Below is my SOA. I have kept my partners income expenditure out of this as she pays for certain expenses. I have only listed my own.

Income (Monthly take home).
£1,950.

Outgoings
Mortgage £850.
Council Tax £99.
Child Maintenance £250.
Gas £30
Phone/Sky/Broadband £80.
Credit Card £40.
Home Buildings / Contents £30.
Pet Insurance £15
TV licence £12
Mobile phone £30.
Gym £50.
Social £50.
Another Loan £65.
Another Loan £60.
Water rates £40
Clothes £50
Food 100.
Total £1851.
The above does not take into account the debts mentioned before who are with collection agencies.

Thanks
Mark

fistfullofdollars

Well done for posting on here.

Talk to your partner. I told my other half a couple of weeks ago. She was shocked and said she was hurt for me not telling her before but understands (I think) the reasons why I kept it quiet. For me it was just a couple of grand on my credit card balance so she was aware of my debt before - just not the exact balance. I didnt even know the exact balance to the penny till my LBM. It was difficult but its out in the open now - I do feel silly now for bottling it up for so long.

I can sort of understand why you wouldnt want to tell her. If you do decide to you might aswell get everything out in the open. Dont forget to tell her debts to make it easier. You'll only regret it later and you'll find it even more difficult to tell her after.

As for your debts. Get a copy of your credit report to find out what you owe and to who. It will be a scary, but then you'll find out atleast what to worry about. In my case I was worring about things I didnt need to (I'm that type of worrier and was very, very lucky my creditors hadnt passed on any of my debts).

Good luck! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

MRSMCAWBER

Hi there

I agree with the guys about talking to your partner....after she has had bumpsy:D (congratulations by the way).....

I recently discovered my hubbys debt...we had our own anyway, but this was a loan taken out to sort out problems from well before we were together. I knew something was wrong...i knew it wasnt someone else:j but money was the one thing i hadnt thought of :rolleyes: ...so after i had come down off the ceiling and got him to fess up to it everything is ok.... your other half has no doubt picked up that there is something wrong... i knew my hubbies sleeping pattern had changed and that he often seemed to be miles away... the money wasnt an issue - it was the secrets and lies that hurt... money we can sort out, and im a strong old bird well 35:D so i wasnt going to crumble...

I now have his debit card and get money out of my account if he wants anything and it is giving his bank account / overdraft time to recover... but if he had told me sooner we could have stopped digging the hole we were standing in a lot earlier;)
we are really lucky as we are off to Germany for 3 years and the financial difference is gonna be great...by the time he leaves the army in 5 years..all loans will have been paid off and his lump sum pension will pay off our mortgage....so i know how fortunate we are..

Im sure you and your other half can come through this... i would probably get some help first -someone who can get you an action plan in place how much to pay and to who and for how long etc.....and then when you do talk to your OH you arent just going to drop a problem on her...you are going to be showing her that you have a way out of it in place...

Wishing you all the best and good luck with the little one:T :T