My First Step - Acknowledging the Debt

serafina685

Good Morning All!

This is my very first post on this forum - let alone in the diary thread and it represents a pretty significant turn in my life....

Today I acknowledged the extent of my debt to myself and resolved to change and face the problem face on.

I started to get into debt 2 - 3 years ago after a break up with someone who I believed I would spend the rest of my life with. Without going into the gory details he upped and left one day and the last I saw of him as my boyfriend was him walking away from the house.

Since then I have recognised that I am a comfort buyer - I buy things to make up for inadequacies I perceive in my life and in myself. Again - this is a big and ugly topic - but basically I am guilty of being a green eyed monster and if I see someone I am envious with whether it be because of looks, lifestyle or both - I feel I have to have what they have to even compare or achieve what they have and the only way I can do this is through material things.

In addition to this, I hate my job. I fully hate myself every day that I am here and loath what I do. Without going into detail I work in insurance...and spend my day having people tell me I have ruined their lives because it is my job to find a way to decline a claim.

Deep huh?! But I truly believe my debt is a result of an illness - depression and this is my attempt to tackle both.

So here I am!

My first steps I have taken are as follows:

1) The obvious - total up my debt and I was gob smacked I honestly thought it was under £10k! But no...it's just shy of £13,600 - more than my student debt and at least I have a degree to show for that...

2) Getting help for my illness - my doctor has prescribed me with anti-biotics and referred me to counselling. I realise there is no quick fix for this but the very act of getting help has hugely increased my positivity.

3) Small money saving steps - I am trawling through my finances at the moment but there are 2 immediate things that struck me when I went through my bank statements. A huge amount of my wage goes on:
- Buying lunch at work (an average of £5 per day!!!) - so I am making my lunches and I have also stopped taking my bank card to work with me.
- Paying for parking at the train station (£7 per day!!) - I am now walking the mile to the train station and back and it is exercise as well as money saving!

4) Weight loss - During my more irrational shopping sprees I have bought clothes a size too small believing that it would encourage me to lose weight. It hasn't surprise surprise... and I have a whole stack of gorgeous clothes I have never worn. So now I am resolved to lose weight and once I have put on eBay some of the clothes I am going to keep one outfit that I can aspire to fit into as motivation.

5) My job - I have identified this as one of the major causes of my depression - I actually started this job on the day my boyfriend left me so it represents all sorts of negativity for me. My goal in life is to be a freelance writer. I have had some stuff published and I am an excellent academic writer so I would like to pursue this as long term goal - hence my target of making £200 from freelancing by the end of the year. It has not been unheard of for me to spend £200 after an awful day at work in an attempt to make myself feel better and I need more satisfaction from what I do day-to-day.

So there we are! My first post and I feel amazing for it by the way

Feel free to subscribe and watch my progress and I will be listing items on eBay over the next week so if anyone would like my eBay link please PM me and I will send it to you!

Wish me luck....

Serafina.

shinner

Good Luck. x

serafina685

Thank you! I do feel like I need luck at the moment despite being positive

abbylou

Good luck Serafina, you have made such a massive step forward - well done! It is scary isn't it when you start on this hard journey but you have done so much already! It sounds like you really feel positive about tackling your debt and so many other things as well.

Ali-OK

*subscribed*

I owe a little more at £14,246 and will happily keep you company as we beat this into a pulp and zero debt.

eBay has got a free listing day today (thanks to Moomin and her diary thread) so if you have any time to list anything today that will save a tad more. Even I (of eBay-phobia ) am going to get 2 items photographed and listed.

A great start with £12 a day saved on parking and lunches - £240 on a 4 week month to throw at the debt is a nice dent in it.

I've suffered bouts of what my GP describes as 'situational depression' and a job I hated. I did get out eventually and went self-employed which has worked well for me on alot of levels, though unpredictable income and less. But much happier in myself since.

A job where you're on the receiving end of constant disappointment or abuse or negativity sounds very hard and good you've set yourself the challenge of getting some income from writing this year.

Best of luck

serafina685

Thank you so much for your support!

Well today ended on a bit of a downer -just low mood really but irritating that it came from nowhere! If I look back a bit at my day it was actually fine, especially dinner time!

I have an electric pasta maker which I bought from a charity shop and on researching the brand it is actually a very high quality brand and it's all in tact and working perfectly! I will post a bit more about my home cooking because it really saves me a lot of money, it's healthier than processed food and it uses things up!

So anyway for dinner I did homemade pasta with a 'food cupboard' sauce of what ever was a round and it was "
My eyes are shutting as I type this so I'm over out for now!

serafina685

So it's been a few days since I've posted and I thought it appropriate to give an update...

One main thing I have done lately is to move all my debt onto a 0% transfer credit card. It's left me with about £470 on a card with interest.

So to tackle that I have had a blitz on ebay. Over the weekend I racked up about £97 and still have 2 big Ikea bags of stuff to list.

I'm really struggling with work at the moment - working for 2 men who have no respect for a young female is proving difficult and I feel bullied and very miserable about it. I have been thinking about the following over the lastweek or so and I'd love people's thoughts...

1) I get paid about £10.24 an hour where I currently work and I pay £135 per month for train travel to get there.

2) Because of studying towards my Masters degree and caring for my father I need to work 1 day a week less during the week (I would still be able to do work at a weekend).

3) I have found a local cleaning job, part-time, that pays £9 and hour....

Should I go for the cleaning job? I think I would be a lot happier doing it. It's not mentally stimulating but I have done cleaning work before and find it very satisfying. I enjoy working on my own and I can crack on and do a proper job without the input of incompetent managers....

I really want to focus on my freelance writing - I've always had such good feedback and I think it's something I could really make a go of.

I'm in a really lucky position (in a way) in that I don't have a mortgage or any dependents. I need to pay my rent and bills but I feel I have a lot more flexibility to earn my income than someone who, say, has a family they need to support and it would just be too risky to leave your job to pursue something else.

Anybodies personal experience would be great - I find other people's stories the best motivation and also the best grounding as sometimes it's easy to get carried away day dreaming!

In other news - I have lost 3lb! But I don't know how to update my signature on here... (technology isn't my strong point).

Mara_uk7

Click on Quick Links on the Green Bar above the diary, There is an edit signature button on that list ... Go on .. Have a ball

serafina685

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Click on Quick Links on the Green Bar above the diary, There is an edit signature button on that list ... Go on .. Have a ball

Haha thank you! Hoping by the end of this week I'll be about £200 closer to getting rid of debt and lost a few of the good pounds to lose!

wintersunseeker

Dear Serafina
I am a very bad poster (an excellent lurker) but I really had to respond to your most recent one.. Go for the cleaning job! I have been in gruesome jobs and it's not worth it, especially in your case with disrespectful bosses and unhappy customers and the other associations with bad things that have happened. It's not as if the job pays especially well, and your travel costs are high.
I wish you well in weighing up the decision, but would rank happiness and your other hopes - the masters, caring for your father - way above a 'respectable' office job.

Ali-OK

By my maths (and I'm not good at maths :rotfl:) you'd have more time and roughly £10 less a month moving to the cleaning job....

1.24 per hour less x 35 hrs a week? = 43.4 x avg month of 4.5 weeks = £195.30 - tax/ni (roughly 25%?) = £146.47

Or use a website like listentotaxman where you can input your figures and get a more accurate picture.

Happiness and more time are priceless (and don't need Mastercard )

Well done on your recent achievements too.

I took a huge risk as I have a big mortgage (£133K) and a child, but I became ill, I had to sort what was wrong with my son (turned out to be Aspergers) and have a poorly mum who needed help. So I took the plunge, but managed to secure a package on leaving which financially tied me over for quite a while and I'd already started on my own business behind the scenes.

You're in a great position if you can keep an income and write as a second job and build up income until it replaces your first job.